Sexual Harassment Support
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Support and information for anyone who has experienced sexual harassment.
Sexual harassers: their patterns, personalities, and types of harassment
Harasser Patterns
Sexual harassment is not about sex--at the core of the problem is the abuse of power or authority,
though the perpetrator might try to convince the victim and him/herself that the behavior is about sexual
or romantic interest. Some harassers, such as the Mother-father Figure, may even rationalize their
behavior as an intent to "help" the victim. The dynamics of sexual harassment usually involves an
aggressor who holds a position of power over the victim. Still, cases of peer-to-peer harassment are
very common. Subordinates sexually harassing superiors have also been reported. (Sexual
harassment by subordinates is sometimes called "sexual hassle.")
Most sexual harassment is perpetrated by men against women. However, there are also cases of
harassment by women against men, and of same sex harassment perpetrated by either sex. A small
percentage of men account for the majority of harassers, and many of these individuals victimize
several women over a period of time. (Bullying is as serious a problem as sexual harassment, and it
can be just as damaging; interestingly, women account for the majority of workplace bullies and the
majority of bullying victims are also women.)
In addition to targeting subordinates, perpetrators of sexual harassment may choose their victims
based on such characteristics as age, perceived passivity or lack of assertiveness, poor education or
naiveté, low self esteem, and other areas of vulnerability. However, this does not mean that individuals
with these characteristics cause the harassment or deserve to be harassed.
Harassers often test out new victims with minor violations of work, social, and interpersonal boundaries.
For example, they might tell sexual jokes or make sexual comments about their target, display
sexual/erotic materials, or ask questions about one's sex life; violate one's personal space with
touching, and maintain that it is meant to be nonsexual; make requests or demands that the potential
victim meet him/her outside of normal work hours or the designated workplace, or demand they meet
alone.
Harassers often dismiss or show a lack of regard for the feelings of their victims, even when assertive
attempts are made to put an end to the inappropriate behavior. This can be confusing for the victim, and
might make her/him feel as if there is no basis for complaining about the harassment, or feel as if they
do not have the right to complain.
When confronted about their inappropriate behavior, perpetrators of sexual harassment often act as if
they are being victimized, or it is the victim who is at fault. This type of manipulation can make the victim
feel guilty about trying to set limits or bringing a complaint against the harasser.
Harasser Personality Traits and Attitudes
Behavior and motives vary between individual harassers. Four dimensions, or "themes," have been
described to help further understand the dynamics that can shape harasser behavior. While they were
originally written to illuminate the dynamics in sexual harassment by male teachers, the information is
easily appropriate to describe harassers in any setting--professional, educational, church/clerical, etc.
(Also, some female harassers can be placed in a few of these dimensions.) Each dimension is
comprised of two profiles, each representing the end of a “pole.” Please note that these are not entirely
mutually exclusive dimensions, and a harasser's placement into any is a matter of judgement.
Public versus Private Harassers: Public harassers are blatant about their seductive or sexist attitudes
towards colleagues, subordinates, or students. They like to tell sexist, or sexual jokes, and can be
overtly sexual or seductive in their approach. They are "show offs" and their attitudes are a call to
attention and meant to make them seem more manly or more powerful. Private harassers are intensely
interested in their images, cultivating personas that seem to be restrained and conservative. However,
when they are alone with their target, their demeanor will change dramatically. The target will find
themselves is a sexual confrontation, and usually a "my word against yours" dilemma should they try to
file a grievance. (The deception, and secretiveness of the activities are part of the excitement for the
Private Harasser.)
The Untouchable versus The Risk-Taker: The Untouchable does not consider the consequences of
his or her actions, believing themselves to be in control, free of any real risks, and beyond the ranks of
censorship or reprimands. They may even flaunt sexual liaisons with coworkers, subordinates, or
students, viewing this as a challenge to the system. For the most part, they are narcissistic and
grandiose, viewing themselves as “untouchable,” much like the egocentric adolescent who does not
believe the will ever “get caught” or who continually drives drunk. The Risk-Taker knows they are being
“naughty” and their actions are a statement, and at the same time, the risk-taker fears punishment for
the transgressions. They will vacillate between the “high” of breaking-the-rules and guilt at the
immorality of their actions. The sexual harassment target will symbolize the transgression, and
symbolize the harasser’s weakness. Because of this the harasser will blame the victim, labeling them
a “tempter” or “temptress” who has taken advantage. Indeed, the Risk-Taker will view themselves as
being the victims, and not the other way around.
The Seducer-Demander versus the Passive-Initiator: The Seducer-Demander is a “power player” who
actively plots sexual encounters using his or her position to do so. A Demander has little more than
contempt for their targets, and they broker favors for sex as their way of keeping people in their “proper
place.” A Seducer also uses their position to facilitate sexual encounters but they have a need to be
desired and loved, and the power of their position, and the effect it has on their targets, is part of this
dynamic. The Passive-Initiator is the person who pays special attention to a subordinate or student, is
flirtatious and flattering, but who does not make the first overtly sexual overture. They will argue that, if the
subordinate is the one to initiate sexual contact, then the superior is not guilty of any transgressions.
However, it has been argued that an unequal power distribution in this kind of relationship makes the
superior's concession to the overtures exploitation, particularly in terms of student-teacher sexual
relations. That the subordinate "asked" is not an excuse for complying. The Passive-Initiator "draws
the line between morality and immorality at who does the asking.
The Infatuated versus The Sexual Conqueror: The Sexual Conqueror is the typical Don Juan (or
Juanita) who seduces many people. They will remember little about each conquest, as they are only
interested in numbers. In many cases, they will not even be able to match a name to a face. The
Infatuated begins by developing a “crush” on a student or subordinate, which may evolve into stronger
feelings. The primary attraction to the target is that they are lower in the hierarchy which makes the
Infatuated feel stronger and more powerful then they would in a relationship with a peer. They want to
be looked up to, and to be the center of the relationship. They want to be the teacher who “guides” the
lover. In many cases, the Infatuated are very discontented with their own status within their departments
or companies, and the relationship with the subordinate is a panacea to this, and helps to bolster the
Infatuated's self-esteem. (Please note: the Infatuated might also be observed in a reverse mode, with a
subordinate targeting a superior, with the power disparity being the same basis for the attraction, and
even leading to erotomanic or intimacy seeker stalking--see Types of Stalkers )
Varied Behaviors and Types of Harassment
Besides the four dimensions, we can subdivide harassers and harassment into a number of
categories. Like the dimensions, these are not entirely mutually exclusive categories. Most
harassment involves more than one type of behavior; therefore, a single harasser may fit several of
these profiles, or begin with one method, then move to another. (Please note: these are not legal
definitions and do not describe burdens of proof required by the law.)
The Power-player
In this case harassment is a power game, where the perpetrator insists on sexual favors in exchange
for benefits they can dispense because of their position in the hierarchy: getting or keeping a job,
favorable grades, recommendations, credentials, projects, raises, promotions, orders, and other types
of opportunities. Called "Quid Pro Quo" harassment, it’s the “you do something for me, and I’ll do
something for you” mentality, and is very much like blackmail. This form of harassment is an
extraordinary abuse of power and trust, and can have serious effects on the victim.
The Mother-father Figure (a.k.a. The Counselor-Helper)
Probably the most calculated of all sexual harassers, the Mother-father Figure will try to create a mentor-
like relationship with their sexual harassment target, while masking their sexual intentions with
pretenses towards personal, professional, or academic attention. The Mother-father Figure can be
particularly drawn to subordinates or students who are troubled, or going through difficult periods in their
lives. This perpetrator will gather information about their target's interests and vulnerabilities, and then
tailor their line to the target's specific needs. The Mother-father Figure may act as a go-between in
relationships that their target is having difficulty with--such as relationships with boyfriends, coworkers,
or family members. These are forms of grooming, and in doing this, they can increase their stature with
their target and earn their trust.*. With teacher-to-student harassment, the Mother-father Figure will
often use techniques of the Intellectual Seducer, (see below) and they will try to learn about their target's
knowledge and experiences with sex. Moreover, they will usually rationalize their predatory intentions by
maintaining that it is a teacher's duty to "guide the student to maturity," even in terms of their sexuality
and sexual experience.
*Grooming is a classic tactic of sexual predators as a way of befriending and earning the trust of a target
they are trying to exploit sexually.
One-of-the-gang
Often motivated by bravado or competition, "one-of-the-gang" harassment occurs when groups of men
or women embarrass others with lewd comments or physical evaluations. Harassers may act
individually in order to "belong" or "impress" the others, or groups may gang up on a particular target.
Groups may sexually evaluate or derogate the victim--to their face or behind their back--as a way to
"bond." The behavior can range from minor isolated incidents to serial harassing of an individual, and
even gang stalking. Competition may come into play as members of the group play on each other's
egos and bravado. They may compete for the attentions of another, or compete for sexual favors from
another. Things may even sink to the level of bets being made on who can succeed in a conquest for a
target's sexual favors. (One-of-the-gang is a very common form of harassment amongst children and
teenagers.)
Group initiations and rituals: Group rituals can also involve sexually harassing behaviors and abuses.
Traditionally, this has occurred in the realm of male group rituals and initiations, such as those used in
fraternities, sports, and the military. However sexually harassing behaviors and activities are
increasingly being included in girls and women's groups, such as sororities and women's sports.
Moreover, the rationale for such behaviors by women's groups is often that this will make them more
acceptable, and seemingly equal to, male groups. While some suggest such activities are just “a
joke”; or in the name of "group bonding," others consider it degrading, insulting and even threatening—
especially for many young people who have experienced sexual harassment, sexual abuse, stalking, or
rape. Young people who lack confidence, or who are confused about their identity, may fall victim to
such practices more easily than those who are self-assured.
The Serial Harasser
The most difficult type of harasser to identify, this person is compulsive and often has serious
psychological problems. They carefully build up an image so that people would find it hard to believe
they would do anyone any harm. They plan their approach carefully, and strike in private so that it is their
word against that of a subordinate or student. They can do a lot of damage before being found out. Their
behavior is often a "call for help" rather than a deliberate plan to harass someone or do them harm. In
this case, counseling is probably the best protocol for treating the problem.
When
confronted
about their
inappropriate
behavior,
perpetrators of
sexual
harassment
often act as if
they are being
victimized, or it
is the victim who
is at fault.
A single
harasser may
fit several of
these profiles,
or begin with
one method,
then move to
another.
The 'Bully'
punishes the
victim for some
transgression,
such as rejection
of the harassers
advances,
complaints about
the harasser's
behavior, or
making the
harasser feel
insecure in their
own abilities.
The
"Mother-father
figure" will mask
their sexual
intentions
towards their
target with
pretenses
towards
personal,
professional, or
academic
attention.
The 'Intellectual
seducer' may try
to structure a
course in such
a way as to gain
access to
personal
information
such as
requiring
students to
participate in
exercises or
"studies" that
reveal
information
about their
sexual
preferences and
habits.
The Groper is
usually serial in
his/her
attentions to
colleagues,
subordinates, or
students.
Whenever the
opportunity
presents itself -
in the elevator,
when working
late, at the office
or department
party - the
"groper's" eyes
and hands
begin to wander.
The Opportunist
The Opportunist uses physical settings and circumstances, or infrequently occurring opportunities, to
mask premeditated or intentional sexual behavior towards a target. This may involve changing the
environment in order to minimize inhibitory effects of the workplace or school (e.g private meetings, one-
on-one "instruction," field trips, conferences).
The Bully
In this case, sexual harassment is used to punish the victim for some transgression, such as rejection
of the harassers interest or advances, or making the harasser feel insecure in their own abilities.
Sexually degrading comments or pranks, sending sexually hostile mail or e-mails, leaving hostile
telephone messages, giving negative evaluations or low grades, sabotaging projects, denying
opportunities or otherwise undermining the victims ability to do their work or advance at work or school--
all are examples of ways the perpetrator punishes their target, and puts them "in their proper place."
The Bully may convince others to assist them in their "revenge campaign." (See the One-of-the-Gang)
The Bully will also target people for sexual harassment because of perceived weakness, or for seeming
to be different. For example, homosexuals are often targeted for sexual harassment because of their
orientation and lifestyle choices, as are men who do not embody traditional masculine stereotypes.
(Both are often targets of One-of-the-Gang sexual harassment, also.)
The Confidante
This type of harasser approaches the subordinate, or student, as an equal or a friend. They will share
about their own life experiences and difficulties, and invite the subordinate to share theirs. The
perpetrator may invent stories to win admiration or sympathy. Their target may feel valued and trusted,
and will become an involuntary confidante. “Without genuine mutual agreement, the relationship is
moved into an intimate domain,” from which the subordinate may find it difficult to extricate themselves.
The Situational Harasser
The type of harassment usually occurs when the perpetrator endures a traumatic event, or begins to
experience very stressful life situations, such as psychological or medical problems, marital problems,
or divorce. If the situation changes, or the pressures are removed, the harassment often stops - but by
then both victim and harasser have been harmed.
The Pest
This is the stereotypical "won't take 'no' for an answer" harasser who persists in hounding a target for
attention and dates even after persistent rejections. In most cases, this harasser has no malicious
intent and is simply operating on the principles that they will eventually be able to wear their target down,
and eventually get a "yes." (see also, the Incompetent below)
The Great Gallant
This mostly verbal harassment involves excessive compliments and personal comments that are out of
place or embarrassing to the recipient. While most men and women appreciate recognition and
genuine compliments, these comments focus on the appearance and the sex of a worker or student,
rather than their abilities or accomplishments. Such comments are sometimes accompanied by
leering looks or an attitude of "possessive pride." Although the complimenter may see himself/herself
as gallant or gracious, the recipient usually experiences this as patronizing or annoying, or both. The
catcalls of a street harasser is another type of "Great Gallant" harassment.
The Intellectual Seducer (a.k.a. the “mind fucker")
Most often found in a university or classroom setting, this perpetrator will try to use their knowledge and
skills as an avenue to gaining access to a student, or information about a student, for sexual purposes.
A number of disciplines, such as psychology, women’s studies, sociology, and philosophy, encourage
students to disclose information about themselves. The teacher may require students participate in
exercises or "studies" that reveal information about their sexual preferences, experiences, and habits.
Teachers can also use class content to encourage a particular student to seek them out. They may try
to structure a course in such a way as to gain access to personal information about a student, or may
ask around for information about a student, then tailor their course lectures and discussions to the
student’s particular passions and interests. (See the Mother-father figure, above.) In this way, the
student may feel they have a “special connection” with the teacher that they may want to explore further,
although the teacher’s intentions are to "explore" further than the student ever considered.
The Incompetent
These are socially inept individuals who desire intimacy and the attentions of their target, who does not
reciprocate these feelings. The Incompetant often lacks sufficient courting skills, and cannot engage in
"subdued, preliminary interpersonal relations." At the same time, they may also display a sense of
entitlement: believing their target should feel flattered by their attentions. When rejected, this type of
harasser may engage in stalking, or use bullying methods as a form of revenge. (See "The Bully"
above, and The Incompetent Suitor, in Types of Stalkers)
The Groper
The Groper is usually serial in his/her attentions to colleagues, subordinates, or students. Whenever the
opportunity presents itself - in the elevator, when working late, at the office or department party - the
Groper's eyes and hands begin to wander. Every birthday, farewell or special occasion is also an
opportunity to insist on (usually begrudged) kisses or hugs. The Groper may try to mask inappropriate
touching while ostensibly providing instruction (e.g. "guiding" the target through a movement exercise).
A particularly aggressive Groper may go so far as to act in public; but if not stopped, he/she is likely to try
to go further in private. If confronted, they will insist that the recipient likes and enjoys these attentions; or
even that the single and divorced people "need it".
The Comedian
The Comedian harasses others because they think it is funny to do so. In their 2006 study, the AAUW
found that this was the most common rationale for harassment by boys--59 percent. However, since
this behavior is so often meant to impress others, it may fall more appropriately under the category of
"One of the Gang." Less than one-fifth (17%) of those boys who admitted to harassing others say they
did so because they wanted a date with the person. Other researchers assert that the "I thought it was
funny" rationale is a fallacy, and the true reasons align more with that of a need to assert power and
induce fear in others--more in line with the Bully. These hazing behaviors develop in school, continue in
high school and college, eventually moving into the workplace.
The Statement-maker (The Sexual Activist)
There is also sexual harassment that is disguised as empowerment, or a political agenda.
Increasingly, women are embracing a traditional male model of sexual aggression as a way of showing
their liberation and sexual power; however, this aggression can lead to sexual harassing behavior of
both men and other women. The 1990's video for the song "Shoop" literally glorified sexual harassment
by women, moreover, in their recent survey, the AAUW found that over 30% of young women admitted to
having sexually harassed another person in school, and increasing numbers of men are filing sexual
harassment charges against female supervisors. Women are also beginning to sexually harass others
as a way of making themselves feel more equal to males, or to be viewed by males as equals.
Homosexuals may be very sexually aggressive, or in-your-face about their sexuality and sexual exploits.
For example, habitually going into extreme, and specific, detail about the man or woman that they "had"
the previous evening, constantly hitting on any attractive person of the same sex who crosses their path,
asking other people to discuss their sexuality or sexual experiences, or harassing heterosexuals
because they are heterosexuals, or if they will not try homosexuality. Activist Harassers may rationalize
such behaviors as attempts at sexual empowerment, or to encourage people to accept diverse lifestyle
choices. However, these rationales are completely self-serving, as are most rationales for
harassment. Gay or feminist political agendas do not turn sexual harassment into something else. (At
the same time, your average Activist Harasser would not hesitate to label all the same behaviors as
oppressive or discriminatory, if done by white male heterosexuals.)
Sexualized Environments =>
Sources: 4, 7, 9, 23, 40, 42, 46,47, 55, 72-74, SHS survey and reports to SHS