Speak Up! Blog

As a music lover, and an admirer of much of the Asian art and culture I’ve been exposed to, I very much appreciate this concept I read about today.

An Asian American woman shared her sexual harassment story at the website Conducive. She was employed by and Asian American company, and the harasser was the lone American white male employee. I won’t go into the details as her story is like so many others, no matter what level of business, academia, or society, in general. To me, they start to blur…

But I loved the elegance of the response to the story by By Mai Kieu-Loan. She and her colleges have coined their own term for speaking out about abuse. They call it Going Kabuki.

To those unfamiliar with Kabuki theater, it is a highly stylized form of traditional Japanese dance/drama with beautiful costumes and elaborate makeup and masks. Originally kabuki performed only by women until the oppression of women led men to view them as cheapening the art form. Kabuki is sometimes translated as “the art of singing and dancing.”

Kieu-Loan compares speaking up to singing, or using one’s voice:

“…speaking out breaks the mold on keeping silent. Silence, a trait among many traditional Asian cultures to preserve harmony in interdependent relationships, is not as appreciated in more acculturated situations such as a workplace, classroom, or even in the supermarket (for instance, do you stand silently when someone steps in front of you in line?). Ironically, going Kabuki means letting your voice say what you need. Letting your voice sing your need. And, to be seen.”

At SHS, we are all about going Kabuki.

I particularly love the analogy because of the dramatic nature that is so often present in the costumes, make-up and masks worn by the kabuki actors. The word Kabuki is believed to come from the verb kabuku, meaning “to be out of the ordinary.” So someone who goes kabuki and takes a stand against oppression and abuse would be pushing for more than the traditional. This is someone who pushes the boundaries.

To read the young woman’s story and Kieu-Loan’s response: See Yellow Fever Survivor at Conductive

|| tags: Confronting the Problem author: Jennifer comments: No Comments

I received a story today that is much like so many of the stories I am hearing these days. It’s the story of a man who was accused of sexual harassment by a woman who really just couldn’t say no. Here is the story:

By Robert

I worked at a Hospital for just over 30 years, in fact 30 years and 6 months. I never had any trouble at work in all of them years, then I slowly found myself liking a new co-worker, a female. We worked side by side over a couple years, all of us in the dept, laughed, and got along great. And some of the co-workers, I had known since I started there in 1978…

Anyway, to make a long story short, over the past last year I was there, I bought the one girl, co-worker 2 candy bars, and just gave them to her out of the blue as a little gift, because we all knew that she loved chocolate…

Needless to say another worker from another department saw me giving this girl one of the candy bars, and they got talking together (I found out later from ex co-workers), that this could be considered sexual harassment… unwanted gifts.

Even though when I gave the girl the candy bar, her face lit up and she said, oh you didn’t have to, but thank you…. and we would go on our way, working..

Then this past April, I was called into the personnel dept, and was informed I was accused of sexual harassment by this girl for the unwanted gifts. I did not deny I gave her the candy bars, but there was nothing sexual about it, it was a simple gift(s) for a friend I liked.

She told personnel, that she acted happy and accepted the candy from me, because she was too scared to say no….. So, how the heck did I know she didn’t want me to give her a candy bar once in a great while……. needless to say, I was told by law this created a hostile work environment…. I was offered to work by myself on another shift away from the majority of my co-workers and this girl, I said the hell with it, and walked out the door, losing a job I have had of over 30 years………. over two candy bars.

I don’t know what makes me angrier about this: the fact that the woman reported this man for something so minor without saying anything about it to him first, or that two candy bars was deemed “Hostile environment sexual harassment.”

Please. I am a victim of REAL hostile environment sexual harassment, and to me this kind of knee jerk response makes a mockery of the real problem.

I have to be honest and tell you that almost half of the stories I am hearing every week are along these same lines. A man, who is a peer not a boss, becomes interested in a female peer and lets her know in a gentle or flirty way (such as complimenting her, giving her a gift, or asking her out). Or maybe he is immature and likes to make lots of non-sexist sexual jokes. Often, the woman smiles and laughs and jokes along, making the man belive his behavior towards her is okay or even welcome. Sometimes, she will even go so far as to go out with him, or even have consensual sex. Then, rather than her just telling him “No” or “I want to stop this now” or “Stop acting this way, it makes me uncomfortable,” she turns around and makes a sexual harassment complaint.

Once, I heard from a women who admitted she initiated a flirtatious relationship with a coworker, only to call it sexual harassment when she tired of it before the guy did. She filed a formal complaint rather than telling him she wanted this all to stop, even though she started it.

This excerpt from Tom’s story illustrates the same problem:

I had been with the company I am at many years. 2 years ago, a woman started working there. I introduced myself, and we hit it off. After a while, we became friends and then we started flirting with each other. She was in a troubled relationship at the time, and I guess she just wanted to feel wanted again.

A couple months went by, and she fixed up her relationship although she didn’t tell me. She just suddenly became cold. Well, I asked her out, she said no. After a couple weeks, she did come out and tell me she didn’t want me sending her frequent emails, we talked about it, agreed we would be just friends, and I told her if there was anything I ever did to make feel uncomfortable, please tell me since that is what friends do. We both would see each other on break, sometimes I would ask her and sometimes she would ask me.

As the weeks went on, she became increasing grumpier and grumpier. I assumed she was having troubles with her relationship or her fathers cancer had come back. I figured she wasn’t ready to tell me yet and would when the time came she wanted to talk about it.

Meanwhile during this time, I had met someone and was dating her. I never got to tell my friend, because she was always so grumpy and took up the whole conversation talking about how busy she was.

Well, eventually anything I said, she was jumping down my throat. I wasn’t even liking being her friend, so most times I wouldn’t even go on break if she was there. It was like walking on egg-shells around her. However, sometimes I was still going on break with her because that was what a friend would do.

Well, one day I get called into the HR office and I am about to be immediately terminated. They show me the email she sent stating not to send her frequent emails, stating I was violating the Sexual Harassment policy and she had asked me to stop.

Well, I explained my side, also showed the following email where I stated we just be friends. I showed emails where she asked me to go on break after that, including just the week before. They explained she was trying to tell me to back off by explaining that she was too busy but I just didn’t get it. I also explained I had a girlfriend, that I had told another friend at work I hated walking on egg-shells all the time in conversations with our mutual friend, and there were people who were witnesses at the break area of her just ripping my head off and me not knowing why. (See the rest of the story down in the Comments section of this article.)

In this story, the woman says she tried to give Tom hints, but hints don’t do it. A hint is not a “No.” Only No means No.

Some women will argue that they do not want to hurt the man’s feelings by telling him “No.” But how is making a formal sexual harassment complaint that could get him in trouble and permanently tarnish his record going to spare his feelings? How is this a nicer thing to do?

Other women say they are afraid he might become violent when rejected. Strangely, they think that having a sexual harassment complaint in his file, or causing him to loose his job, will make him less angry.

Then there are the women who simply expect you to read their minds and know through some psychic force what they want. (I’ve had female bosses who do this and it’s pure hell, I’m telling you.)

The response of institutions to these situations varies. Sometimes the complaint is ignored. Sometimes the woman is viewed as trying to create the hostile environment–and I have to agree with this one–and get’s disciplined or even fired. Sometimes the man is called on the carpet and disciplined unfairly or even fired.

And yes, lawsuits can sometimes follow these scenarios.

I never thought it would come to this, but I have to admit that there are men who are being victimized by women who just can’t say “No.” Increasingly, I have declined to publish stories by women who make harassment complaints of mild conduct by peers when they really just needed to set boundaries. And from now on, when the consequences to the man being accused are such that he really is the one being victimized, I am going to add them to this blog article.

What so many women do not seem to understand is that their conduct matters as much as the conduct of the men they often complain about. If women are going to stand up and speak out when they feel they are not being treated with the respect they deserve, they need to approach the situation in a way that is worthy of the respect they are demanding. Intelligent, capable employees show a commitment to communicating constructively, and in a straightforward manner, even during times of conflict. If you don’t like how a peer is behaving towards you, you need to let him know first before you file a formal complaint that could damage his reputation, or worse. Quit being so wimpy and start saying “No” already! Show everyone you are worthy of the respect you are fighting for.

Here are links to articles on how to say “No”
The power of No
The art of saying No
The importance of being assertiveness

NOTE: It has already been raised by a commenter that the men who claim to be falsely accused could be lying or blaming the victim. So I feel I need to place here a note that most all of the stories that inspired this article came from the harassment complainants, and not accused harassers defending themselves. Based on what these women share, it can be made quite clear that their situations are much more about boundaries than discrimination.

It is called the “Reasonable Person Standard” not the “I just can’t say No standard.” If women will not learn to set boundaries, oppression starts to become a choice rather than a form of abuse or discrimination.

|| tags: Confronting the Problem author: Jennifer comments: 6 Comments

Many years ago in when I was in junior college, I had a college roommate-from-hell (didn’t we all). Nobody liked Mindy. She expected to be the center of the universe, and was so self-absorbed it made her oblivious to the ridicule she inspired around campus.

Every morning and evening, Mindy would indulge in long, loving gazes at her image in the full-length mirror on our door as she dressed in small, tight, midriff-baring outfits. Finishing her ritual, she perfumed herself with blasts of Obsession as she prepared to parade before the hoard of hormonal college boys, none of whom she was ever going to consent to date–the male-female ratio at this school was 7 to 1–and yes, they expressed their frustration with her for it. She would literally strut out of the room each day only to return later looking terrified, with frightened, wide-eyes darting nervously around as if she might find one of boys in the room with us, under the bed maybe, or in the closet. Once in the middle of the night, she woke me up with a scream as she was in the midst of an anxiety attack. She proclaimed with tears in her eyes that it was “really hard to be pretty,” and I had to hold her hand for an hour to help calm her down. Still, she continued to parade herself as some kind of Madonna-like sex goddess, even when she was just going to work out at the gym, without having any of the strength or smarts to handle what she was dishing out to the boys.

At the same time, Mindy read books like “The New Assertive Woman,” and complained she was stereotyped and not treated with the respect she deserved as a woman.

First of all, I want to restate that REAL sexual harassment is a form of discrimination, and abuse of power that can devastate lives. No one deserves this. Yes, sometimes there can be a game involved where a masochistic person deliberately provokes abuse because they get off on the excitement or pain of it all. But abuse is not deserved.

However, some people really do seem to want things both ways: they want both to be respected and taken seriously and sexualized and objectified. Some people want sexual attention and admiration, and to be left alone, all at the same time, people like my old roommate Mindy.

Recently, I heard from a man who was angry about his girlfriend being harassed by her elderly boss, whom she had recently called the police about. But the boyfriend wasn’t angry at the boss. He was angry at the fact his girlfriend wore tube tops and miniskirts to work which he viewed as provoking the advances her boss was making.

Personally, I’ve always wondered about the woman who emails SHS with complaints about sexual harassment at work and her email address is “hotsexymomma@isp.com” (Not the actual address, but along those lines.) Last summer, there was a woman who hung around SHS who was in the middle of a sexual harassment lawsuit against her boss. She was chronicling this in her blog that she called “The Random Thoughts of a Crazy Sexy Metal Hot Chick.” Understandably, the other side was using this against her in the lawsuit.

Why flaunt you are “hot and sexy” then turn around and complain if someone lets you know they agree with you???

A few years ago, we had several SHS stalking group members who were complaining about being cyberstalked with texted and emailed sexual comments. Each one of these people (both male and female) had published on the Internet pictures of themselves, wearing scant clothing and some pretty come-hither looks on their faces, along with their contact information. When I suggested that they remove the contact info and pictures from the web for their own safety, they all quit the group.

They were literally advertising themselves sexually on the Internet but were angry and scared when they got buyers.

This same hypocrisy is evident in the movement Hollaback. For years, Hollaback groups have been publishing stories of street harassment, encouraging women to use their cell phones to post pictures of the men who engage in this behavior. (They started publishing stories a few months after we did.) I certainly agree with their message about street safety and applaud all that they do to fight back against REAL street sexual harassment and violence. However, many Hollaback groups also stand up for a woman’s right to walk down the street dressed like Lady Ga Ga, wearing hotpants and shirts so low cut their breasts spill out, or pants so tight they look spray-painted on, while at the same time crying out angrily about the wolf whistles and other sexual attention such attire can inspire.

Hollaback Boston says “You can be hot and safe.”

Hollaback NY exclaims: “Whether you’re commuting, lunching, partying, dancing, walking, chilling, drinking, or sunning, you have the right to feel safe, confident, and sexy, without being the object of some turd’s fantasy. So stop walkin’ on and Holla Back: Send us pics of street harassers!” To help bring the message home, Hollaback NY sells G-strings with the Hollaback logo on their website–and only G-strings, not the more modest bikinis or briefs.

So, it’s a good idea to present yourself as some guy’s fantasy, but it’s not okay if you actually become some guys fantasy???????

In this, Hollaback’s logic is about as sound as a porn star complaining of objectification when men buy her DVDs. If you are blatantly dressing or calling out for sexual attention, you shouldn’t complain if you get it, and you certainly shouldn’t be doing this if you can’t handle the attention you are bound to get. If you are walking down the street wearing pants so low-cut your butt crack shows, don’t be surprised if some guy pulls up and yells “Nice ass!” since you are clearly dressing to draw attention to this feature of yours. And if you are angered by his catcall, you are a bigger idiot than he is, and are probably a lot more dangerous.

Frankly, men are very visual, and I have heard on multiple occasions from men who say they feel sexually harassed by the type of clothes some women wear. If a woman is strolling down the street dressed like a porn star, wouldn’t it be fair for a man to complain of street harassment and snap her picture, too? I think so, but I doubt Hollaback would post it at any of their websites.

I don’t want to be saying that a woman who shows her sexuality deserves abuse or disrespect. Men do it all the time and still command respect. There was a recent controversy about Sarah Palin showing her legs in a picture on the cover of Newsweek a few weeks ago. But there is no fuss when president Obama is photographed shirtless, in a bathing suit. And I must say, you would never see anyone putting this kind of picture of him on a magazine cover. But now, everyone is talking about how sexy Sarah is and how she uses it to build her image….Obama is sexy too, but no one goes on and on about it, nor do they question his leadership ability because of it.

Also, a sexual harasser will often exaggerate a woman’s appearance or behavior to validate his own behavior towards her. Some women are just sexy no matter what they wear, or what they do, and a man will still blame her for dressing provocatively even when she doesn’t at all. Many men think a woman is flirting even if she just smiles or say’s “Hello.” It’s really a pop culture joke that the tiniest hint of attention can get a man thinking “She wants me and wants me to pursue her.”

And let’s not forget that many women get their fashion cues from the fashion magazines and industry, not to mention the commercial, Hollywood and the recording industries. Their mottos are always “Sex sells” which really means “Sexual objectification of women sells” and they never cared a hoot about their damaging and exploitive tactics and negative impact on the identity and body image of women, let alone how women are perceived in this world that continues to oppress and objectify women.

That being said, if you are going to get ALL your power from flaunting your sexuality and sexual assets, don’t call it sexual harassment if anyone makes any comments about it or pursues you for it. When you are at work, using your brains, maybe even flaunting your brains, you don’t get mad if someone comments or compliments you on your work performance, do you?. You don’t get mad if a head hunter pursues you and offers you a job, do you? No, you don’t.

I realize that many women want to show that it’s okay to be feminine, sexual, and strong, perhaps after so many years of messages against this from the radical feminists who seem to show only contempt for all things feminine. But you can be sexual in a way that doesn’t say “Object” and doesn’t scream out for sexual attention that you probably can’t handle and probably don’t really want. Don’t advertise to the world that you are “hot” when you are really lukewarm or cold. Only dress like Madonna if you can handle the consequences like Madonna. Besides, there are so many women who present themselves as strong and feminine, but not in an over-the-top manner, such as Sarah Palin, Diane Sawyer, Oprah Winfrey, etc. Their cues are a lot more empowering, a lot healthier, and a lot smarter and more realistic in the safety department.

Bravo to Hollaback for their campaign for street safety. But let’s hope that they, and others like them, start to inject some critical thinking into the mix. Hypocrisy weakens any campaign. Rather than “Hot and safe,” a far more empowering message for women would be something along the lines of “Strong, smart, and safe.” Now that’s hot!

|| tags: General issues author: Jennifer comments: 3 Comments

I stumbled across this today while perusing our web traffic. (It was a link back to a post at another community.) It’s an email conversation between a female employee and her HR director, her supervisor, and the company owner, no less. I’ll let the conversation speak for itself.

my company is big on giving as much notice as possible if you need time off. Since i’m off this week, i scheduled some doctor appointments that i’ve been putting off. I sent an email to my supervisor, the company owner, and HR Director.

me: Hi. Just letting you know that I have a dr. appt. on the morning of Jan. 20th. It’s at 9am and i’m not sure how long it will be, but i’ll be in afterwards. Also, I need to schedule a minor surgical procedure. Not sure what date, but i’ll try to schedule it for the following friday so i will only miss one day of work. I’ll let you know. thanks.

supervisor: ok.

Owner: You’re not getting anything reduced, are you?

me: No.

HR Director: What’s it for?

me: I think you’re not supposed to ask that.

Owner: Oh, someone is feeling sassy today.

me: no, but i’d rather not say, and you aren’t supposed to ask.

HR Director: Ok. As long as you aren’t getting anything reduced, we’re fine with it.

me: I’m getting my penis removed, okay?

end of email exchange.

We’ve come a long way, baby!

I can’t help keep wondering what planet American men think discrimination laws were established for. They certainly don’t seem to think they were written for THEM.

This smart women is saving this email exchange, and is beginning her documentation folder.

Source

|| tags: General issues author: Jennifer comments: No Comments

In China, a 28-yer-old woman has won the first sexual harassment lawsuit since the country passed the Chinese Women’s Rights Protection Law back in 2005.

The woman, surnamed Luo, suffered repeated groping from her new boss at the Japanese-owned company Moriroku (Guangzhou) Plastics Company Limited. She complained to the institution officials, even producing photographs of her boss in action at a party. All she requested was an apology and a promise that the company would work to prevent such incidents from happening again. Instead, the fired her.

Luo reported to the China Daily, “They fired me under the excuse of skipping duties without valid reasons….I still live in a terrible psychological shadow after sexual harassment. I have been turned down for several jobs since the case was brought to court.”

The court ordered her former boss to pay 3,000 yuan ($440) in compensation and demanded the company issue an apology letter three weeks ago.

But you know those Chinese and their human rights abuses against women….tsk, tsk. We are so more evolved in the U.S.–NOT!

This is much like every other story I heard since SHS came into being: institutions trying to get around discrimination law by firing the complainants using some lame or trumped up charge about her performance. Many of these are published at the stories area of SHS, there are certainly too many to list here. For me, the professor-stalkers’ particularly lame excuse for their most recent conduct–including phone tapping and repeated burglary–is that I’m ADD and “not focused.” (Earlier, when I would not pursue any of them sexually, in retaliation they spread the blatant lie that I was cheating in school.)

Moreover, the same blackballing is also going on in the U.S., with people often unable to find new jobs after they are fired in retaliation for harassment complaints. And you are really up-a-creek if you come from a small community. I know of one couple who both worked at the company where the wife was harassed. They were literally run out of town after the boss’s conduct came to light.

The U.S. is as violent, discriminatory, and sexist as any other country that we love to point our fingers and sniff at. Will the people of the United States ever grow up enough to have the strength and maturity to see the truth about themselves? Let’s hope so.

Source: 1

|| tags: General issues, Retaliation, Backlash and Victim-blaming author: Jennifer comments: 3 Comments

Did I say that the Jay Glosser case was one of the worst stories of sexual harassment retaliation I’ve heard? Well, it still is, but now I’ve stumbled across another one that is worse.

Frank Garcia, a former nursing supervisor in Rochester, New York, has been sentenced to three life terms for murder. Prosecutors say that he shot five victims during a retaliation rampage after he was fired twice from two different healthcare facilities for sexual harassment. Two women he supervised complained he sexually harassed them— Kimberly Glatz at Wesley Gardens and Mary Silliman at Lakeside Beikirch Care Center.

The prosecutor said “He was fired because he couldn’t control his ego” and “he couldn’t put up with” romantic rejection.

Garcia first went to Lakeside Hospital where he killed Silliman outside. Two people, Audra Dillon and Randal Norman were driving by, witnessed the attack and tried to assist. Garcia wounded Dillion and killed Norman. Then he drove to the home of Glatz and killed both her and her husband execution-style.

“It was a premeditated, calculated, cold act,” said Judge Frank Geraci.

When I founded this community, it never occurred to me in my wildest dreams I would be writing about murders and attempted murders in the aftermath of sexual harassment and sexual harassment complaints. But really, we hear about this all the time, and never relate it to sexual harassment. Any romantically-obsessed stalker killing represents the same problem. We just don’t tend to make the connection.

In all my research on sexual harassment when SHS was coming together, I never heard one mention of how violent the aftermath can be. But then again, I never found much of anything about retaliation, in general, which is why that survey I put together is now out there on the Internet, although it never occurred to me to include “attempted murder” in the multiple choice list under the retaliation questions.

Our denial is extraordinary. We really believe that Americans are so advanced that no educated, financially secure, credentialed American male would think “If she doesn’t accept me, I’ll destroy her.” We really think this only happens in places like India and Afghanistan…..

We need do think again, and think long and hard.

Sources: 1, 2, 3

|| tags: Retaliation, Backlash and Victim-blaming author: Jennifer comments: No Comments

So, Liza Minelli is out of trouble now, though I would love to know how much the settlement was–the guy signed a “won’t talk” clause.

If you don’t know about this, Liza (63) got sued by her chauffeur for quid pro quo harassment. The victim said she made many repeated attempts to “compel plaintiff to have sex with her.’ He eventually gave in, but only after she threatened to fire him if he didn’t comply. He also claims she beat him during drunken rages. Source

This kind of thing isn’t as uncommon as you would think, and the EEOC reports that sexual harassment complaints by men against female supervisors are on the rise. Feminists have always said that women don’t sexually harass because they don’t have the power to. But women are stepping into more and more positions of power and are definitely abusing it, really making many of the same mistakes men have made. Women are less likely to use their power to sexually harass, but they are responsible for most of the reported workplace bullying cases which is becoming as big a problem as sexual harassment. (Interestingly, most of their targets are other women.)

Still, sexual harassment by females does happen–it’s happened to me–and we occasionally get a story submission involving this. Just see the stories area of the site.

What is most scary is that most of the stories of sexual harassment/exploitation by women that I have heard involve teachers, and many of these victims are very young. There is a blog that followed these types of stories. They quit posting a year ago, but it’s still out there. (This is where I found a lovely picture of Jay Glosser.) See Trash Education

|| tags: General issues author: Jennifer comments: 1 Comment

Recently, LiveScience and Yahoo featured an article published by a university professor which claims the more formally educated someone is, the better they are at handling anger. Source (As if people stop learning when they quit going to classes.)

This made me laugh out loud. After working in social science research for years with those supposedly hyper-educated university professors, I can assure you it was never the secretaries or clerks throwing things in anger–it was always the people with “Dr.” in front of their names. Other professors would hide in their offices whenever there was conflict in the air. The PhDs from Rice University worked things out professionally by sabotaging the equipment of those who made them angry. (Not to mention the fact that I’ve been stalked for over seven years by university professors who clearly can’t manage their own anger, either.)

You’ve got to watch those researchers as they are notorious for focusing their studies and conclusions in ways that validate themselves, their values, their behaviors, their personalities, etc.

I think educated people are just more aware of how they should behave, but are more apt to be in denial (lie) about how they really behave as they are more image conscious.

This all reminded me of one of the worst cases of sexual harassment retaliation I have heard which involved a college professor at Tidewater Community College who hired a hit man to kill a female colleague who had accused him of sexual harassment. The story was reported back in 2006. At the time, there were only accusations and charges.

I remember that the harasser’s colleagues were outraged that he had been suspended for this. (It figures)

While the story had not faded from my mind, I had not kept tabs on what happened. So I have been Googling for updates. Here is a recap and what I found out:

Jay Glosser was an IT professor worried that a sexual harassment complaint made by Kimberly Perez could cost him his job. Perez was an associate professor in the same department. (Yes, the sexual harassment complaint was TRUE.)

Glosser had a neighbor, Raymond Groves, who offered to help him with his problem and arranged for one of his employees, F. Devin Scott to assist. Glosser offered the two men $3,000 to $4,000 to persuade Perez to withdraw her complaint or $10,000 to “take her out.”

But when Scott showed up at Perez’s front door, he ended up warning her instead. Later in a phone call, he asked her for $10,000 not to kill her. In another call, he told her he was connected to the Ku Klux Klan and that if he didn’t kill her, “some skinheads would come in from Alabama to do it.”

Subsequently, police sting operations led to arrests of Glosser, Groves, and Scott.

Glosser later pled guilty to conspiracy to commit murder for hire, solicitation, and conspiracy to commit extortion. He was sentenced to 35 years in prison, but most of it was suspended down to 8 1/2 years in prison. Groves got 8 years. Scott got 7 years.

Perez later filed a lawsuit against the college for ignoring her complaints. (I don’t know if this has been settled.)

She says her days are filled with fears and anxiety. “I can’t got to the store without worrying that someone is following me.” She said, “It’s a different life.

Most people still don’t know that the retaliation against sexual harassment complainants is often a lot worse than the original harassment. If you are interested in this issue, Perez’s story is really a must read: Kimberly Perez talks about her ordeal

Let’s get these educated folks some anger management classes. Quick!!!

Other sources for this article: 1, 2, 3

|| tags: Retaliation, Backlash and Victim-blaming author: Jennifer comments: No Comments

Having a bad day.

What I wish I could say…

“Do I have a blinking neon light on my forehead that says ‘I want you!’”?

Did I give you some kind of subconcious inclination to approach me, ask for my number, look me up and down, call me baby or touch me?

No.

So lets learn something today… If a girl doesn’t talk to you first then she is probably not that interested!

And don’t go walking all up in her personal space showing her some kind of foreign mating ritual call, all goggly-eyed and perverted because buddy she isn’t buying it!

And it isn’t attractive.

So why don’t you go mind your own business.

Because, if you continue to wonder around this world treating women like your next big conquest …

Then, I hope live long enough to experience what you are doing to me, a life full of never honestly trusting anyone, no self-worth, not believing in myself, losing who I am, fear, withdrawl, loneliness, embarrassment, and shame.

Why don’t you be a MAN and treat women like human beings and maybe one day you just might find one that you actually give a d@*m about not to cheat on, hit, belittle, or degrade; and guess what she just might love you for the creep you are!

Its really all up to you, so seriously, go find some manners.

|| tags: Effects of Sexual Harassment, Poetry author: VANGOGH comments: 1 Comment

Okay, it’s all over the news and the talk shows. David Letterman has a history of having sex with his female employees, some of them very young.

I haven’t really been following all the chatter about this, but there is chatter about the chatter at our support group. Some are very upset about how a lot of people are dismissing Letterman’s actions as being not a serious breach of ethics. And I know that many in the media have raised the question about whether Letterman has been harassing his employees, and NOW has issued a strong statement. So there has been discussion of SH going on, with even some talk show hosts saying that this is just “how men are” and women have to get used to it. (I have to admit, this greatly upset me when I heard it.)

I’ve written about quid pro quo harassment already, and it sounds like the Letterman show had a culture of implied quid pro quo harassment going on. The rumor is that it was known by pretty much everyone on his staff “what women had to do to get ahead” on his show. Seems he has a bedroom above his office called “The Bunker” for his favorite female staffers.

I don’t know if this is true or not, but if it is, it is absolutely quid pro quo harassment and is illegal as anything. It doesn’t just discriminate against the women who have to provide sexual favors to get ahead, it discriminates against those who don’t give in as they often have greater difficulty moving up the ladder because they don’t allow themselves to be sexualized.

And did the men have to have sex with Letterman to get ahead there? I doubt it.

In their press release, NOW states:

“Recent developments in the David Letterman extortion controversy have raised serious issues about the abuse of power leading to an inappropriate, if not hostile, workplace environment for women and employees. In the case of Letterman, he is a multi-million dollar host of one of the most popular late-night shows; in that role, he wields the ultimate authority as to who gets hired, who gets fired, who gets raises, who advances, and who does entry-level tasks among the Late Show employees. As “the boss,” he is responsible for setting the tone for his entire workplace — and he did that with sex. In any work environment, this places all employees — including employees who happen to be women — in an awkward, confusing and demoralizing situation…..

“Every woman — and every man — deserves to work in a place where all employees are respected for their talents and skills. The National Organization for Women calls on CBS to recognize that Letterman’s behavior creates a toxic environment and to take action immediately to rectify this situation.”

Read the full press release

Personally, I’m angriest at the apathy and minimizing. To say that this is just “how men are” and women should get used to it is like saying, well, some people are just racist and that’s just how things are, but that’s life. Or, some people are just anti-semetic. Deal with it.

Bullshit!!! I won’t just deal with it.

We keep pointing our fingers at the Middle East for THEIR backwards attitudes about women. In the U.S., we have a very long way to go before we become as evolved as we think we already are.

And if these rumors are true, then to the Letterman staffers who have been so exploited and discriminated against, I have only two words to say: class action.

|| tags: General issues author: Jennifer comments: No Comments