SHS Speak Up! Blog

BBC, United Kingdom- After politely but firmly refusing the advances of customer Elizabeth Sykes, 38-year-old Mike (McPherson) became the target of an harassment campaign.

“I had to explain to her, ‘Look I’ve got a young family, I’ve got a position and a job that I would never compromise,’ but it just spurred her on.”

After insisting they had been having an affair in which he had betrayed and beaten her, Elizabeth would tail Mike’s car on his journey to and from work, driving erratically to ensure she secured his attention.

“I feared for Mike’s safety as he was driving to and from work,” remembers Mike’s wife Karen. “Sometimes I was quite frightened to come in the house really.”

There is a lot of talk about sexual harassment right now, and it’s a very skewed discussion.  If you read much of what is written, or listen to the discussion, the problem is presented as one of violence against women, and a problem perpetuated exclusively by men.  I keep pointing my finger at feminists for this, but truthfully, violence and abuse by women is something that we have not wanted to confront as a society.  It has always seemed to be taboo.

One of the rationales for ignoring sexual harassment and abuse by women are myths about women and violence, and the fallacy that they are less violent than men, if at all.  While this myth is not really new, it is now largely perpetuated by feminists.  (Okay, I’m finger pointing again. grin)  In fact, the current research shows that women are far more likely than men to respond to situations with violence. This myth also manifests in attitudes about sexual harassment and abuse, with a common belief that women do not engage in these behaviors, or if they do, it does not cause any harm.

Historically, there has been a fear of woman as being aggressively sexual, so women have always been viewed as asexual. This was/is probably to placate men’s own fears because their hormones can cause men to feel women have so much power over them. The “good girls don’t” image probably created a feeling of security that their wives would not succumb to suitors, or be unfaithful, when their husbands were not with around. It was also meant to create an idealized view of women as good and moral role models for raising children. I vaguely remember reading something about the church using this image to encourage women to always say “no” to sex outside of marriage and for anything other than procreation, which acted as a kind of birth control, helped keep men in line, and helped keep society “moral.” Because of this image, women were viewed as the “moral compass” of society outside of the church. (gag) Any woman who did not embody this asexuality, was branded a “slut” or a “scarlet woman,” and this pressure often exists even today.

Seattle - Christina Orozco was charged with felony stalking for harassing and stalking a former female co-worker. Orozco was sentenced to 10 months in jail for posting a Web site and sending harassing e-mails to her former co-worker’s children. In the website, Orozco accused her coworker of being a sex offender. In the letters she sent the children, she asked “What does it feel to be f**cking your mother…?” Orozco also mailed a series of fliers about her coworker to friends, co-workers, supervisors, the co-worker’s son, her boyfriend and her neighbors.

The two women had seen each other socially for a few months, until the victim became uncomfortable with the friendship and began to limit contact. Orozco became more aggressive as the victim attempted to develop her relationship with her boyfriend. (See the video on this case)

Women too passive and powerless to abuse???

Feminist scholars say women rarely sexually harass because it requires power to abuse, and women have never been in positions of power. This really isn’t true at all, women have only been limited as to where they had any power to abuse, but they have always had the opportunities. For one thing, women have always found power in groups. The primary limit has been in the area of abuse targets, and limitations on women have historically narrowed this to two possibilities–other females and children.

One-of-the-gang sexual harassment by women has been around forever.  It is an old story, the group of females who gang up on other females to bitchily evaluate their appearance or anatomy. Or the girl or woman who is popular with the males, and is branded a “slut,” and generally slandered with rumors being spread about her promiscuity by jealous females. And women have been guilty of street harassment probably as long as the behavior has been around. (I had a boyfriend once who got catcalls from women just about everywhere he went, and he always found it degrading.)  If men do these things, feminists call it objectification, oppression, discrimination, sexual harassment, or gender harassment, etc.  If women do it, well, we may say they are being “objective”, particularly if they are targeting other women, but mostly we don’t call it anything. 

Traditionally, women’s roles kept them at home, raising the kids, and the pressure to seem outwardly “non-aggressive” even amongst other females has probably led women to target children the most. The privacy of the household, and ease of disguising sexual and physical abuse as “normal childcare,” along with society’s tendency to dismiss women’s violence, and dismiss children’s rights, has kept this sad truth out of the media. Also, feminist scholars tendency to blame men for all abuse in society has greatly clouded the facts of the problem. One male survivor, Scott Abraham, writes very poignantly about this issue in Yes, Women Do Abuse. While the media and feminist scholars continually point their fingers at men when it comes to the issue of child abuse, it is a fact that women are responsible for the majority of child abuse cases, which also includes sexually abusive behavior. And truthfully, the number one cause of unnatural child mortality (read: murder) is abuse by mothers. (If forced to acknowledge this fact, feminists will soundly lay the blame on male oppression for causing women to engage in abusive behavior—a major cop out.) .

Feminism steps in and makes everything better–NOT

The feminist and sexual “revolutions” have changed a lot. Women are now in the workplace significantly more than they are in the kitchen, and they are stepping into positions of power in their fields. Women are learning that “good girls do,” and are trying to be freer sexually, and for some this means the freedom to be as sexually aggressive as men have been in the past. Indeed, despite their complaints about male behavior, feminism has led women to adopt many male models of behavior, and they are not being very discerning when it comes to what qualities they try to embody. Because of this, increasingly we are hearing stories of women sexually harassing or stalking men and other women. This is even being reflected in the media with advertisements showing women’s empowerment reflected in the female employer patting a male subordinate’s rear-end or objectifying men in some way, or music videos that glorify street harassment by women (Salt ‘Peppa’s Shoop)–all rather sick and misguided attempts at showing that we’ve “come a long way, baby.”  (Women have also empowered their way to perpetrating the majority of workplace bullying abuses, internationally, with the majority of their targets being other women.) 

Where in any of the writings of the founding feminists does it say that freedom and equality of the sexes means freedom for women to behave as despicably as some men?

Five OPD Drug Agents Suing City Over Sexual Harassment

ORLANDO, Fla. — Five male undercover drug agents from the Orlando Police Department are suing the city over allegations they were sexually harassed by their female supervisor.

Some claim that Sgt. Barbara Jones groped them and made inappropriate comments.

The five officers say Sgt. Jones has been accused of this kind of thing before, and that she should not have been put in charge of their mostly-male drug unit.

She denies almost all of their accusations. She admits to hugging the officers, calling it a ‘lifetime habit.’ ….For those things, she received a written censure and that was it….

However, the undercover drug agents accuse Sgt. Jones of sexually groping them. They claim that she would grab them in the groin area while hugging them. They say it got to the point where they were covering themselves for protection. They also say she sat on their laps and made inappropriate sexual comments. “

Common harassment and abuse methods of woman

Because of continued pressures to seem sexually passive or asexual, women will most often use subtler methods for harassment and abuse than men. For example, masking groping as “hugs” as in the story above, or even going so far as to rationalize sexual abuse as “love.” The Counselor Helper tactics would be the most common modus operandi for women, as this would capitalize on their tendency to nurture even in professional environments. This type of harasser tries to create a parental or mentor-like relationship with a target. They pretend to be mothering, trying to help, but the real goal is sexual exploitation. They will abuse with a smile. This is one of the most common tactics for abusive female educators, and we are hearing story after story in the media of female teachers sexually harassing and abusing their students. Masking sexual intentions towards someone with pretenses to help and support are the most secretive and the most predatory of all harassment techniques. I also think they are the most damaging; the stories I’m hearing at the SHSF attest to this.

Stalking is also a favorite tactic of abusive women probably because it so often involves “relational aggression” a common method for women abusers to destroy the relationships of their victims, thus isolating them and giving the abuser more control. Women’s capacity to manipulate relationships make them very effective stalkers, and stalking is also easily masked as concern and a sincere desire to help which are classic approaches of the Counselor-Helper sexual harasser. Read Women Who Stalk, Rosemary Purcell

However, the power in numbers dynamic make One-of-the-Gang tactics a favorite choice of girls and women who harass. Also, research shows girls more likely to use verbal sexual harassment, which can go hand-in-hand with the group dynamics of One-of-the-Gang. Just read Aaron’s story in the SHS Stories and Experiences area for an example of this.

There is also sexual harassment by women that is disguised as a political agenda. Increasingly, women are embracing a traditional male model of sexual aggression as a way of showing their new found liberation and sexual empowerment. However, this is also leading them to sexually harass and abuse.  We call them “Statement Maker” harassers.

Nine Former Workers File Sexual Harassment Charges Against Women’s Shelter

Minneapolis Star Tribune - Eight women and one man were fired from a North Mankato (MN) women’s shelter because (allegedly) they refused to fit into the sexually charged atmosphere created by a few staff members.

The complaint (filed by the MN Human Rights Department) noted that this involved staffers, not shelter clients but one allegation involved an announcement over the office PA “saying that she was going to take a survey on how many times staff members had sex with their partners”. …

In a (Mankato) Free Press story a board member contended that the former employees were too traditional and not interested enough in advancing feminism.”

Then there is the issue of enabling harassers–that is, women who support, and collude with, male or female harassers in the retaliation against sexual harassment targets who complain about the abuses. This is very, very common and often the result of not only internalized sexism, but also a very sick and twisted jealousy over the sexual attention being paid to the victim. Often these retaliation behaviors involve further sexual harassment of the victim, and some women may participate in these with relish.

For more on types of harassment and abuse, see our article about sexual harasser methods and patterns

The Gender Double Standard in Sexual Abuse and Harassment

What is worse, because of the belief that women do not harass or abuse, no one is holding women accountable for it. Even if a woman is caught red-handed or confesses, so often little if anything happens to them. They are simply not held accountable to the same degree that male harassers are. The best example of this is the way sexual abuse of students is handled: if a man is convicted of statutory rape of a student, he will get 25 years in prison; if a woman is convicted of statutory rape, she will get probation, or at worst, a few months in jail. It took multiple times in front of a judge for Mary Kay Le Tourneau to go to jail; no judge would ever give a man “three strikes” for the same behavior.

Forty-three-year-old Pamela Diehl-Moore pleaded guilty to having sex with a child – a 13-year-old male student who had just completed 7th grade. Of the incredible outcome to this case, David Kupelian, author of “What’s behind today’s epidemic of teacher-student sex?” sums things up pretty well:

“(She) now stood before a Hackensack, N.J., judge awaiting sentencing. And what would that sentence be? Considering all the intense media coverage of male sexual predators victimizing female children, one might expect a stiff prison term, accompanied by a withering rebuke.

But when New Jersey Superior Court Judge Bruce A. Gaeta opened his mouth, the words that came out did not express criticism of the teacher, nor acknowledge any damage she had done to her victim.

’I really don’t see the harm that was done here,” the judge proclaimed, “and certainly society doesn’t need to be worried. I do not believe she is a sexual predator. It’s just something between two people that clicked beyond the teacher-student relationship.’”

Pamela got 5 years probation.

Of responses to female stalkers, Rosemary Purcell writes:

“In our experience, those who find themselves the victim of a female stalker often confront indifference and skepticism from law enforcement and other helping agencies. Not infrequently, male victims allege that their complaints have been trivialized or dismissed, some victims being told that they should be “flattered” by all the attention….Victimization studies indicate that women are seldom prosecuted for stalking offenses, with criminal justice intervention most likely to proceed in those cases involving a male suspect accused of stalking a woman. The available evidence suggests that stalking by women has yet to be afforded the degree of seriousness attached to harassment perpetrated by men. This is despite any empirical evidence that women are any less intrusive or persistent in their stalking or pose any less of a threat (physical or otherwise) to their victims.^“

In my own situation, my former university has known for quite awhile about the female professor who has been stalking me, and they have done little to stop it, or make amends for the extensive damage she has done. (I cannot take a restraining order out on her because in my state, the stalker must have threatened you with physical harm first.) When Aaron complained of sexual harassment by his female coworkers, he was laughed at by his supervisor. When Logen complained of the lesbian who was harassing her, she was demoted.  The Vons Companies Supermarket chain fired a man after he complained of chronic sexual harassment by female supervisors. (See story) These stories are not unique.

I think this is the old image of female sexual passivity at work. If a woman is viewed as an asexual being, or not capable of violence, then she couldn’t possibly be doing anyone any damage if she sexually exploits or abuses them. Sexual harassment or abuse by people viewed as asexual couldn’t even be called abuse, could it? If it were a male professor stalking me, he would most certainly have been fired, or at the very least, suspended, demoted, or sent on a leave-of-absence, ages ago. On women who sexually harass and abuse children, Scott Abraham writes,

“The message is simple and exclusive, and pervades virtually all literature about childhood sexual abuse. Whether overt or covert, direct or indirect, a survivor molested by women who looks for confirmation of the horror, for an authority who can offer acknowledgement, is going to find denial. This inability to confront the reality of women’s violence comes from more than just an idealization, of course….There was no mutilation of my body when my mother forced her five year old son to perform cunnilingus. Damage to the soul the law cannot identify, measure or quantify.”

It is ludicrous to use the image of the abuser as measure for the extent of the damage that can be done to an abuse victim, but this is exactly what happens when sexual abuse and harassment by women is evaluated. Because women are viewed as asexual, or sexually passive, any abusive or exploitive behaviors they engage in are dismissed as harmless. But the damage caused by a sexually abusive male is not the result of his being male. Most of the damage from sexual abuse and harassment is psychological, and is the result of the boundary violations, and the objectification and degradation of the victim–none of which are contingent on the gender of the harasser OR the victim.

I am sure that feminists will continue in their denial about abuse by women–some call it simply a “paradox” in their theories–but the nature of women has always included tendencies for violence and abuse, including sexual violence and abuse. These are not instincts that exist only in males, women have them, too, and many have acted on them, and do act on them. While social limitations in the past narrowed the field in terms of where women could abuse, who, and how, this has always occurred. Now that women are more ubiquitous in the world—meaning the have more options and are not so limited in methods and possible targets, we are hearing more stories of their violence, sexual harassment, and other forms of abuse. Yes, men are more likely to engage in sexually exploitative behaviors, but this does not let women off the hook. And women who do engage in these behaviors inflict just as much damage as the males who engage in the same abuses.

It is a sad fact that some women seem to think that equality means having the same power and opportunities to focus on fulfilling their personal needs regardless of the expense or damage to others, and the freedom to chose to behave as despicably as some men. But true equality is much bigger than this and carries with it a far greater responsibility. True equality goes far beyond equal opportunity in all things; it means being held to the same standards of behavior in all areas, regardless of your gender. This is not a responsibility simply for individuals, it is the responsibility that institutions should hold all accountable who break the law, not simply the men.

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