Speak Up! Blog

Anger is such a normal reaction in the effects of sexual harassment, and yet it is almost like burning-hot venom in our bloodstream.

It’s interesting. There is a quote out there that goes something like “Fire destroy and fire create”, and in our case, the fire could be our anger. Yikes. When it comes to Anger Fighting 101, sometimes the best way to channel our rage is to experiment with techniques.

For some, a good way to release anger is painting. There isn’t anything quite like blasting music and furiously stabbing at a canvas or piece of cardboard-whatever the painting surface is-with colors as lucid as the emotions you’d be feeling.

Not everyone is an artist, and that is okay. You don’t need to be an artist to use art as an outlet, though. If painting is not your preference, there are a slew of other options: drawing, collages, music, writing, even dance… the options are endless. Try looking at the Survivor’s Art Foundation for some inspiration.

Yet, what if you just cannot stand these types of outlets? Maybe this next one could work for you.

This exercise hails from Wings of Fire, which is a site for abuse survivors mainly in the BDSM lifestyle. However, even if you are not into BDSM, this site still has plenty of helpful articles on different types of abuse as well as its’ after effects.

Anyway, the exercise in that particular article guides the reader into imagining their anger as a sort of object, perhaps a slimy pile of goo that seems to stick to everything. Once you have imagined your anger, then try to imagine your means of getting rid of it. Is your anger a giant log? Try setting fire to it. What if your anger really is a pile of slime? Maybe imagining washing it away with special anti-slime soap or peeling it away from you and tossing it in the street, only to have it run over by a semi, is your way of getting rid of it.

Either way it goes, it just boils down to: the object (AKA anger) and how you get rid of it.

However, it is an emotional exercise as well. It’s okay if you have to do this exercise multiple times.

If you are thinking “That is such a stupid exercise!” and want to know something else, then try this classic: the letter.

That’s right, a letter. This might be better suited for the creative outlets portion of this article, but it is a wonderful exercise, thus it gets a mention of its’ own.

One of the common ways of doing this exercise is to write a letter to your perpetrator(s). However, this is not a letter that you would actually send to them, so feel free to not censor your thoughts! Do you have a strong desire to scream every profanity at the perp? Write it all out.

Any anger, or even any other emotion you might feel towards the perp, could all be written down on paper. There is no length requirement, and there won’t be anyone breathing down your neck to get correct grammar. This is an exercise to purge feelings, not a school assignment (thankfully).

Once you’re finished with your letter, then you have the joy of thinking about what you want to do with it. You could hide it away, or burn it and scatter the ashes. Maybe you’ll bury it. Maybe you’ll frame it and put it on your wall. Maybe the letter would become dog food.

The choice is certainly yours.

It almost seems empowering as well, right? In sexual harassment, our power gets taken from us, and hopefully by realizing the choices you have to reclaim yourself or purge angry feelings, you feel powerful in the process. YOU have the choice of choosing how you want to work through your feelings.

If your choices include causing harm to yourself or self-medication, then I HIGHLY advise that you find a healthier way of coping.

Here is a secret. In my own healing, I encountered many times of either feeling like the effects were getting out of control or, rather, the complete opposite: I couldn’t feel anything. This led to making some stupid choices, and I engaged in some less-than-healthy coping mechanisms.

However, the shame I felt around these mechanisms was near-crippling. One night, I was so ashamed that it literally felt like I couldn’t breathe. Also, in the end, it didn’t help in the recovery process at all, and I forced myself to stop.

Yes, dear reader. The choice is yours when it comes to how you wish to cope with the anger, or with any of the after-effects. If it involves anything damaging, please try to find other ways of dealing BEFORE you engage yourself in harming activities. There are many other options out there other than the ones highlighted in this article, and chances are there is one (or more!) out there that suits you and your circumstances.

Even if you do engage in not-so-healthy coping mechanisms, or you have done so in the past, you are still cherished and supported, and it is possible to stop. Much like reaching out for support in your experiences, you could also reach out if you’re engaging in self-harm or battling an addiction.

You are not alone.

-Lacune