Speak Up! Blog

June 25, 2009

Activsim: an important tool of recovery

Filed under: Recovery — Jennifer @ 2:05 pm

One of the things that many experts agree on is that one of the best ways to recover from abuse or violence is to get involved in some way to help combat the problem. This is something I’ve tried to encourage here at SHS from the beginning.

The truth is, most abuse and violence cannot be proven and there is little justice for the victims. This sad fact goes a long way towards destroying the victim’s hope and trust in the world, and the people around them. This usually leads to despair, and more bad things, often self-inflicted or self-imposed. This is why some victims remain “victims” in their minds, and they cannot move on to recovery and viewing themselves “survivors.”

Activism does much to stop this process from eroding your whole being. If you can’t fight the person/people who harmed you, you can combat the problem in the world. You can work to raise awareness, and maybe keep someone else from being hurt in the future. No one who does this can feel hopeless; it isn’t possible. The very act of fighting the problem that lead to your injury says that you know there is hope that things can get better.

It’s a way of taking that consuming anger and putting it to constructive use. Anger can almost become rejuvenating energy.

I know that my own work here at SHS has helped more than anything else I’ve done to bring some kind of meaning to my own experience with sexual harassment and stalking. The thank you’s I receive every week from people all over the world almost lead me to believe that there was a reason for the violence I’ve endured by these very sick professors who have harmed me.

Oh, and by the way, I have never been an activist-type in my life, even when I was in college. And I’m hardly a care-taker type. That phrase “I just want to help people” kind of jars me as being soooo saccharine. I’m much to jaded for that kind of thing. So, as a jaded, former-apathetic, I’m telling you, activism is really powerful stuff. What comes around really can go around.

To help encourage people to engage in some kind of activism, I created a forum over at the SHSF–our support and discussion group–for people to post about things they are doing, or are considering doing. I’ve also been posting announcements about the work of others I hear about. (The emphasis is small, grass roots groups and individuals, not large organizations.)

Today, RAINN, (the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) sent me their most recent PA. RAINN is a national organization that offers counseling and resources to survivors of rape, violence, and sexual abuse. In the PA they share the story of a teenager who raised a small amount of money that has helped the organization in a big way. I tried to put a link to the PA here, but it isn’t working. Anyway, here is what they wrote:

Alexis has been a RAINN supporter since 1999. In December of 2008, she committed to raising the funds to enable 150 victims of sexual assault to receive help through the National Sexual Assault Hotlines.

Through reaching out to her friends and family and asking for a modest gift of $5 or $10, Alexis was able to exceed her goal.

Alexis did not ask anyone to stretch beyond their means, but instead relied on her belief in RAINN’s mission to encourage the support of others. ….

In just a few weeks, Alexis Fedor raised $515 by reaching out to her friends and family. Through many modest donations of $10 or $15, Alexis enabled 150 victims to receive the help that they needed.

I’m not trying to get you all to donate to RAINN, or volunteer for RAINN–but it’s a great organization. I’m just showing this as an example of what one person can do to make a difference and help keep these kinds of services going. Even little things can go a loooooong way.

Other things you can do:

*start a blog and write about the issue which will help continue to raise public awareness and encourage discussion
*create a brochure with information and lists of resources and distribute it at your school or workplace
*start a discussion group or Internet forum
*create posters to draw attention to the issue
*get a button-maker and create buttons with captions that raise awareness and distribute them
*use a social networking site and create a space for support and discussion about the issues

That’s just a few things off the top of my head. There are really endless possibilities. Be creative and use your existing talents and skills. If you like to do art, do something artistic. If you like to write, do something journalistic. If you like exercise or sports, do something that involves these. You can even dedicate your playing a specific sport to raising awareness about the issue. (The Iranian soccer team’s wearing green wristbands made a huge statement about the election when they did this a week or so ago.)

If you have been a target of sexual harassment, sexual abuse, or any type of violence, consider including activism as part of your recovery. It needn’t be a big commitment. You can do something small, like this teenager did for RAINN. But I promise you, big commitment, small commitment–whatever you do will not just go a long way to fight abuse and violence, the greatest impact will be on yourself and your recovery.

June 18, 2009

Time to let this all go now: The David Letterman Gaff

Filed under: General issues — Jennifer @ 12:28 pm

Everyone is talking about this. Seems we should comment on it here since this is our “territory.”

Last week, Letterman joked that New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez had “knocked up” the former vice-presidential nominee’s daughter during a family trip to a baseball game.

Here is the joke:

“One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez,” he quipped.

But the daughter in question was 14-year-old Willow, not the intended target, 18-year-old unwed mother Bristol. Letterman said the following night that he was confused between the two and would never make sexual jokes about a 14-year-old. It was the 18-year-old he meant to joke about.

He has apologized sincerely and publicly, but everyone is still harping about this. It’s beating a dead horse.

Here is Sarah Palin’s response to his apology (she sent this to Fox News in a statement on Tuesday):

“Of course it’s accepted on behalf of young women, like my daughters, who hope men who ‘joke’ about public displays of sexual exploitation of girls will soon evolve.” source

Jab! Clearly, she is still pissed, and over something that he really didn’t do.

Letterman named the wrong daughter by MISTAKE. It was not an intentional joke about child sexual exploitation. There is no reason to keep beating him about the inappropriateness of making jokes about this crime because this was never the intention.

If they had gotten the right daughter, it would have been a pretty funny joke, really.

He said he was sorry. Everyone needs to let this die now.

(And that is SHS’s official position on this issue.)

June 10, 2009

Tips on how to heal from painful, traumatic experiences

Filed under: Recovery — Tags: — Jennifer @ 1:28 pm

These are great, sensible, general tips on recovering from traumatic experiences. Anyone who has been sexually harassed or stalked should print this out and put in somewhere they will see everyday.

Tips on how to heal from painful, traumatic experiences

• Talk about it. Express how you are feeling about the trauma. You can talk to someone in person, use an online support group or even journal about the event.

• Seek support to help deal with the trauma in your life. Lean on family and friends, doctors or anyone else in your corner.

• Give yourself permission to heal. When you stop dwelling on the painful experience you can look to the future with a clean slate.

• Explore your spirituality. Many people find that their faith is what gets them through the traumatic times on their lives.

• Be good to yourself. Treat your body with respect. Eat healthier foods and exercise regularly to reduce stress and promote health.

• Do things you really enjoy doing, whether it’s fishing, shopping or volunteering. Finding something to do with your free time will keep you from dwelling on the trauma.

• Indulge in your creative side. Write, draw, paint, redecorate or build something to get your creative juices flowing and keep your hands busy.

• Challenge the negative thoughts that run through your head.

• Stop blaming yourself for things that are out of your control.

• Learn to express your feelings in a healthy way.

• Learn to accept your feelings for what they are.

• Find ways to become completely relaxed. Try yoga, meditation, prayer or even a warm bath to stay relaxed and keep stress to a minimum.

For more information on recovering from trauma, visit these organizations:

Sidran
Dr. Baldwin’s Trauma Pages

Powered by WordPress