I occasionally hear from men or women who are being harassed because others think they are gay, even if they aren’t. We even published a story about an elementary school teacher who was doing this to her students. (See story) The label can get placed on them for a number of reasons, usually because something about them doesn’t fit traditional masculine or feminine stereotypes.
And of course, people who are gay are very common targets for harassment–they put up with it throughout their lives.
But many view it has harassment just to be slapped with the label “gay” or “lesbian.”
Making statements about anyone’s orientation is certainly mild sexual harassment in that is is a violation of boundaries and privacy to many people. Your sex life is no one’s business. Though I know a lot of people who like to make it everyone’s business, but that is a choice, and shouldn’t be forced. For those who feel their private lives deserve to remain private and not the fodder for gossip or harassment…well, I don’t blame anyone for being upset about any sort of encroachment in this area.
And often, someone making statements about another’s sexuality or sex life is a common first step towards their eventually making a pass at that person.
But it’s the over-stepping of the boundary that makes it harassment, not the label itself. There is nothing wrong with being gay, so it shouldn’t be viewed as an insult.
I was being harassed by a lesbian professor who was going around telling people I am a lesbian because she wanted to date me–I am not a lesbian, last time I checked, but she needed to believe in her fantasy. At first, I was angry about this, mostly because of the boundary violation, plus she was also stalking me and also did eventually make a pass at me. But I was also angry about being labeled falsely. Eventually I saw my reaction went against my value system in that I don’t believe there is anything wrong with it. I’ve had many gay friends in my life, both male and female. If there is nothing wrong with it, it isn’t an abusive label.
Equating the label “gay” as negative is the same thing as equating feminine qualities, as negative. Both men and women have always used descriptors such as “fights like a girl” or “is a pussy” if they want to insult or degrade someone. (This is another one of the reasons male homosexuals are often targeted because many are deemed to be sensitive and too female.)
This is such a serious problem that we are hearing all the time about suicides because of bullying over perceived sexuality of kids too young to even know much about sex. In April of 2009, 11 year old Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover committed suicide after chronic bullying from his peers because he was perceived to be feminine, and thus, homosexual. (See story)
One of the best ways we can stop these labels as being viewed as abuse is to quit equating them with negative qualities. Frankly, I think to view these as insults is as discriminating as being labeled with them. In this, the victim is as wrong as the perpetrator!
If someone is saying you are gay and this isn’t true, don’t respond in a way that works to perpetuate the idea that there is something wrong with people who are gay. Have the decency and strength of character to deal with this in a way that combats this kind of discrimination. Come back with what Charlie Chaplin said when someone accused him of being Jewish when he publicly criticized the Nazis back in the 30s. He said, “Sorry, I don’t have that honor.”
Some food for thought….
