Speak Up! Blog

This was submitted to the Stories forum, but it is really a great article on the long-terms effects of early harassment that so many girls experience. So, I’m also publishing it here. –Jennifer, SHS admin

During my junior year in high school I had learned through reading an article published in Cosmopolitan, that I had been experiencing sexual harassment for the previous couple of years. It wasn’t until recently, at the age of 33, that I learn the deep impact this harassment had on my life.

I had been at work discussing with my co-workers my latest online dating fiasco when I was asked, “Why do you believe it is okay for men to treat you so disrespectfully?” I fumbled around for an answer, but to no prevail was I able to conjure up one. I flat out did not understand why a beautiful, talented, woman with a high sense of self worth and so much to offer would accept being treated the way I had allowed men to treat me. I let this question drift around in the recesses of my mind, and finally, last week the answer came to me: My parents taught me it was okay to be treated that way.

Now, I am not placing blame on my parents, this is just how the answer came to me. As a child when I would tell my parents how a boy threw paper at me, pulled my hair or chased me on they play ground, they would tell me, “that’s what boys do when they like you.” As I grew, the seemingly innocent taunts of my male classmates started to escalate in to name calling, such as slut, tramp, ho, etcetera. Again, I would complain to my parents about being called “bad names,” and again they would say, “that’s what boys do when they like you.” Well the name-calling turned in untrue rumors of what I had done with such and such boy, which increased the promiscuous name-calling. Then the name calling turned into unwanted sexual gestures and grouping. I would be walking down the isles of the bus and boys would grab my behind and slide a finger or two further between my legs or fondle my breasts. They would even pull me down to sit on their laps and pretend they were having intercourse with me from behind. All the time, I told myself, “This is what boys do when they like you.”

Flash-forward to the woman I am today, and you will see a woman who has had one long-term relationship with an emotionally abusive man that last just over a year. All the other men in my life have pretty much been “friends with benefits.” I am unable to partake in healthy romantic relationships. With a determination to have a healthy romantic relationship, I have ventured into online dating this past year. Boy has it been a challenge, fore I have all sorts of off the wall uncharacteristic behaviors emerge. Until recently, I thought there was just something defective about me.

Now, as I have drawn the correlation between the sexual harassment I dealt with as a teenager and my sabotaging behaviors today, I am being flooded with negative emotions and voices from within telling me to “suck it up,” “it’s all in your head,” and “it’s not as bad as you want to make it out to be.” I am desperate to have a voice of reason help me sort out the chaos going on with my emotions and thinking.