Speak Up! Blog

Having a bad day.

What I wish I could say…

“Do I have a blinking neon light on my forehead that says ‘I want you!’”?

Did I give you some kind of subconcious inclination to approach me, ask for my number, look me up and down, call me baby or touch me?

No.

So lets learn something today… If a girl doesn’t talk to you first then she is probably not that interested!

And don’t go walking all up in her personal space showing her some kind of foreign mating ritual call, all goggly-eyed and perverted because buddy she isn’t buying it!

And it isn’t attractive.

So why don’t you go mind your own business.

Because, if you continue to wonder around this world treating women like your next big conquest …

Then, I hope live long enough to experience what you are doing to me, a life full of never honestly trusting anyone, no self-worth, not believing in myself, losing who I am, fear, withdrawl, loneliness, embarrassment, and shame.

Why don’t you be a MAN and treat women like human beings and maybe one day you just might find one that you actually give a d@*m about not to cheat on, hit, belittle, or degrade; and guess what she just might love you for the creep you are!

Its really all up to you, so seriously, go find some manners.

The battle rages on between society & myself.
A couple of simple rules; like keep your hands to yourself.
The hierarchy of life & what I think it should be
Can you go AWOL if you aren’t in the army?

Wishing on stars hasn’t gotten me that far
It’s like drowning in a bottomless pit of tar.
Anticipating the gurgle, no substance to hold on to.
I just want to live life but fighting only makes me sink further.

I am tired of being fake & no I didn’t ask to play.
God, I feel like blowing my head off today!
It’s a competition of who knows who?
Fuck everyone, fuck today, & fuck you.

I wrote this one night really late. I couldn’t sleep until I got it out of my head and onto paper. It has been four years since my sexual harassment experience and sometimes it feels like it just happened five minutes ago.

I Fell Asleep

I fell asleep on that day,
When the intrusion was made.
I didn’t stick up for myself.
When He wanted to play.

The secret stayed hidden.
Tucked away with my soul.
Until it suffocated me..
So, I went and I told.

I lost what I had found,
Trying to defend my youth.
Closed doors all around,
Searching for the truth.

Growing older is hard.
I never thought it would be.
Trying to please everyone…
Everyone but me.

Learning from the past…
It seems impossible to do.
Dreaming you had it all figured out…
What’s wrong with you?

You’ve lost who you are?
You haven’t authenticated yourself?
Your niche in this world.
Your place among the wealth.

Searching for success,
I’ve lost my pride?
Looking for answers
I swear I am blind.

Night and Day it drains me,
I lay and I think.
Who am I?
What am I?
What path should I take?

Anticipating the worst,
In everything I do.
Planning for tomorrow…
When it isn’t promised to you.
Reacting to predictions,
That may or may not come true…

Wake up!
This story isn’t ending,
It’s to be continued…