Speak Up! Blog

Many people might be surprised to hear that one of my favorite movies about sexual harassment is Pretty Persuasion. It’s a very, very smart, extremely funny (not to mention raunchy) comedy that takes a swipe at pretty much all forms of discrimination. Like any good satire, it makes fun of a problem while highlighting how serious a problem it really is.

Pretty Persuasion particularly takes on the false allegations issue, focusing it around sexual harassment and racial discrimination. Constant references to David Mamet’s Oleanna are made throughout. The script mimics his dialogue and even the way he structures his story-telling. (Oleanna was a Mamet play and later movie about sexual harassment in higher education and suggests strongly that the allegations of the complainant are false.)

Neither of these dismiss the problem of abuse and discrimination. They simply say that false allegations are one of the few ways dis-empowered people have to fight back against a system that holds them down because of gender, race, religion, or sexual orientation. In the Mamet play, the university professor (the accused) is the epitome of the white-male-asshole, dominating, controlling, viewing education as “hazing” which he admits he enjoys. Mamet uses the phrase “White Man’s Burden.” to illustrate how the professor views his role as a teacher and elite male in society. The female student who later accuses him can barely get a word in edgewise when she goes to him for help. In Pretty Persuasion the male teachers in the movie take none of their female or foreign students seriously, viewing them as objects to abuse and lech over. In this movie, set in a private high school, an English teacher’s “White Mans Burden” is teaching a new Muslim student to speak proper English, a task he lets her know he finds disgusting but necessary. Here, the students fight back by bringing a blatantly false sexual harassment claim against the English teacher, though he is guilty of all the discriminatory and lecherous attitudes they accuse him of.

I’ve written a little about harassment complaints as a power play in my article on false allegations. I can say that without a doubt this really happens. I know because I hear from these people here at SHS. They want to publish their stories or they join the support group, and there is either nothing remotely sexually harassing about their cases, or, if there is, it is so mild that most people wouldn’t even notice it.

Most of the articles I’ve written here were inspired by recent emails or email trends which touch on patterns I’ve seen in my years working with SHS. This one is no different. A man submitted a story for publication last week that was clearly describing a power-play. He fought back against a bully boss by bringing a sexual harassment complaint against him when the latter made a sexual comment that wasn’t even referring to anything sexual.

Here is a quote from the story that pretty much gives the gist of the situation (Normally I only paraphrase from stories I DON’T publish, but I think in this case, we need his words exactly.):

I recently had a Floor Manager write on my Log Sheet “Take your nose out the customers ass”. Then about 3 seconds later, this manager turned back around & verbally stated…”yeah, just take the customers cock out your mouth”.

Now, I’im a guy, I should be able to take statements like that & just walk away right? No, not at all, I’ve been so uncomfortable with this guy around me at work, that its made it very difficult to perform up to the standards that are required of me. He walks around like a pompous arrogant prick all the time.

So, he went to HR and filed a complaint which was pending when he submitted this. Oh, and the bully boss told him he was fired after complaint was filed. (Human Resources later told him he was not fired.)

Okay, this fits the definition of sexual harassment, but only superficially. It fits if you don’t know what sexual harassment really is.

Now, the terms-of-offense are clearly substitute terms for “sucking-up,” “ass kissing,” “brown nosing,” and “wipe your nose” (referring to brown-nosing). We hear these terms all the time, even on TV. Still, I have never heard anyone refer to them as sexual harassment when they are being used. And if you DO think about them as sexual, they are hardly less offensive than the boss’s terms.

Telling someone they are sucking-up is hardly sexual harassment, even if it’s done in a crude, bullying, and unprofessional way. Telling someone they are brown-nosing is hardly sexual harassment, even if the reference is superficially crude.

The giveaway here that this is a power play is the phrase “pompous arrogant prick” used to describe the boss. If the boss was a balanced, fair, solid communicator, I doubt the employee would have been offended by what was said. He would probably have taken it as a joke. But this supervisor is clearly a bully and most employees have little ammunition to fight back against bully bosses. A discrimination complaint was the only weapon available.

This employee’s story is just one example, but know of many others. I can’t share most because of confidentiality (I can only repeat stories submitted for publication). But I think the classic case of the woman who simply can’t set boundaries is another one. This description below is a fiction, but the dynamic is not, I can assure you:

A guy asks a woman out and she is too dis-empowered to set boundaries, or too socialized to be “the nice girl,” which is a HUGE problem for women and rooted in oppression of women. So, she won’t give him an answer. She won’t tell him “No” because she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings or make him angry (’cause these aren’t nice). At the same time, she continues to be friendly with him, too be nice. So he keeps asking or flirting, maybe emailing her or calling her, complicated by the fact he may need to call and email her for professional reasons. She starts to get angry, maybe even frightened. It builds and builds. Now she starts to tell herself he is harassing her. Finally, instead of just saying “No,” she deals with it by filing a sexual harassment complaint or a police report, convinced she is making a stand. I have heard of men getting suspended or even fired over this kind of thing. Or, if the employer ignores her compliant, she may file a lawsuit convincing herself she is “doing this for all women.”

As illustrated in the Mamet play and Pretty Persuasion, the stand the victims take is based on projection of the real problem onto something else. The accuser may actually be exploited, abused, and/or discriminated against, and maybe even by the people they accuse. But in the end, the “victim” takes their stand upon a false premise or something that never happened. I think this is the primary root of the problem with most false allegations of sexual harassment–oppressed and exploited people fighting back with the only ammunition they can find.

In all the stories of false accusations I have heard myself, I have no doubt that these people making them have been abused or oppressed throughout their lives, and possibly by those they have accused. But I think the psychological damage from this has made it difficult for them to process and understand conflict. They have difficulty getting a clear perspective, many to the degree that they often see abuse, oppression, and discrimination everywhere they look, in every mistake someone makes with them, in every perceived slight. The oppression they have experienced makes it difficult, if not impossible, for them to communicate about conflict or set boundaries in a constructive way. Because of this, they “stand up” in a way that makes them no better than their oppressors.

It’s the classic cycle of abuse really, when the victim turns around and becomes the abuser. In Pretty Persuasion, the writers draw the analogy of the false allegation, discrimination lawsuit as being like a mass shooting (the “he went postal” kind.)

I am all for people standing up for themselves and for their rights, but it needs to be done in the right way, confronting the problem honestly, confronting the REAL problem. And solutions need to be constructive and not based on revenge. Standing up and speaking up only works if the goal is truly to make things better, not just for the complainant but for everyone in the community where the abuse or discrimination is taking place.

BTW, if you have not seen either Oleanna or Pretty Persuasion, you might want to see them together. Go with Mamet first, since the latter is constantly spoofing his style.

|| tags: Confronting the Problem, Effects of Sexual Harassment, General issues author: Jennifer comments: 7 Comments

The battle rages on between society & myself.
A couple of simple rules; like keep your hands to yourself.
The hierarchy of life & what I think it should be
Can you go AWOL if you aren’t in the army?

Wishing on stars hasn’t gotten me that far
It’s like drowning in a bottomless pit of tar.
Anticipating the gurgle, no substance to hold on to.
I just want to live life but fighting only makes me sink further.

I am tired of being fake & no I didn’t ask to play.
God, I feel like blowing my head off today!
It’s a competition of who knows who?
Fuck everyone, fuck today, & fuck you.

|| tags: Effects of Sexual Harassment, Poetry author: VANGOGH comments: 2 Comments

I stumbled across reports today at both MSNBC and Science Daily about the first ever longitudinal study of gender and sexual harassment. ((In case you are unfamiliar with the term, “longitudinal” means the study was done over a long period of time.) The study is called, “A Longitudinal Analysis of Gender, Power and Sexual Harassment in Young Adulthood.” It seems the researchers followed a group of over 1000 people from ninth grade til their 29th and 30th year birthdays. The researchers found, well, basically the same stuff that most of us have been saying: that women, gays, and feminine men are the ones most likely to be sexually harassed throughout their lives–that is, people who do not look or behave like a traditional white male (asshole).

What is new here is that the researchers found that women who become supervisors were the most likely of all to be targeted. They reported, “…nearly fifty percent of women supervisors, but only one-third of women who do not supervise others, reported sexual harassment in the workplace. In more conservative models with stringent statistical controls, women supervisors were 137 percent more likely to be sexually harassed than women who did not hold managerial roles. While supervisory status increased the likelihood of harassment among women, it did not significantly impact the likelihood for men.

“This study provides the strongest evidence to date supporting the theory that sexual harassment is less about sexual desire than about control and domination,” said Heather McLaughlin, a sociologist at the University of Minnesota and the study’s primary investigator. ‘Male co-workers, clients and supervisors seem to be using harassment as an equalizer against women in power.’” Source: Science Daily

One woman reported, “I was being harassed. I was being undermined,” she explains. “I think they were intimidated by me, and this was the only way to get power back.”

Another woman reported, “The higher you were, the more of a power trip it became for men, and sometimes I thought they were not even aware of what they said. Source:MSNBC

Basically, this means that as women move up the ladder in their companies, the men they work with simply can’t handle it, and work harder and harder to objectify and degrade them, to psychologically bring them back down below the glass ceiling where they belong. McLaughlin believe this study provides further proof that people are not accepting women in positions of power.

The MSNBC report is more in depth, but the Science Daily report has links to other interesting articles on gender and harassment. Check out both of them

|| tags: General issues author: Jennifer comments: 1 Comment

I wrote this one night really late. I couldn’t sleep until I got it out of my head and onto paper. It has been four years since my sexual harassment experience and sometimes it feels like it just happened five minutes ago.

I Fell Asleep

I fell asleep on that day,
When the intrusion was made.
I didn’t stick up for myself.
When He wanted to play.

The secret stayed hidden.
Tucked away with my soul.
Until it suffocated me..
So, I went and I told.

I lost what I had found,
Trying to defend my youth.
Closed doors all around,
Searching for the truth.

Growing older is hard.
I never thought it would be.
Trying to please everyone…
Everyone but me.

Learning from the past…
It seems impossible to do.
Dreaming you had it all figured out…
What’s wrong with you?

You’ve lost who you are?
You haven’t authenticated yourself?
Your niche in this world.
Your place among the wealth.

Searching for success,
I’ve lost my pride?
Looking for answers
I swear I am blind.

Night and Day it drains me,
I lay and I think.
Who am I?
What am I?
What path should I take?

Anticipating the worst,
In everything I do.
Planning for tomorrow…
When it isn’t promised to you.
Reacting to predictions,
That may or may not come true…

Wake up!
This story isn’t ending,
It’s to be continued…

|| tags: Effects of Sexual Harassment, Poetry author: VANGOGH comments: 3 Comments

Quid Pro Quo Harassment is “something for something” abuse. This occurs when a job or educational benefit is directly tied to a subordinate or coworker submitting to unwelcome sexual advances. An harasser may ask for sex in exchange for a promotion, or a plum assignment, or necessary/extra work resources. In it’s most extreme, the harasser demands the victim provide sex to keep their job, or for some kind of help or access to a resource that is needed for the victim to do her/his job or to advance at school. (If they can’t do their work, they will get fired or have to drop out of school programs, etc.)

Its been argued that Quid Pro Quo can be unintentionally implied if the harasser is in a postition of power over the other person. In these situations, the target may feel they have to give into the attentions of an harasser even if there was no stated threat of retaliation if they refused. The target gives in out of fear of what will happen if they don’t. For example, they give in because they believe they will be fired if they don’t, or failed from a course, etc. I’ve heard this point-of-view many times, and it’s one of the reasons many experts argue that there is no such thing as a consensual sexual relationship between a superior and a subordinate.

Quid Pro Quo harassment can also occur in the aftermath of sexual relationships in the workplace or at school (consensual or not is arguable) when one person does not want the relationship to end. The harasser may try to keep things going by threatening the other with promises to terminate them or to sabotage their ability to do their work (again, usually by withholding needed resources). Or, the harasser may just start retaliating until the victim gives in and starts to have sex with them again. I have heard of several stories where the harasser threatened to file criminal charges of theft/embezzlement against the victim who had been given personal use of a credit card, or other monetary assistance, while the sexual relationship was still going on. (Of course, there would be no charges pressed if the employee consented to providing sex again to her employer.)

This woman’s story is an example of where the threat of firing was implied after she had missed work recovering from a neck injury. Another example is Cindy’s story whose boss wanted sex in exchange for transportation to her job. When I was first defining my own sexual harassment experience (by professors), one of the first students I talked to about it told me about when her biology professor asked for sex in exchange for higher grade on an exam. Pam’s story describes how her teacher wanted to work out a “deal” when she failed a make-up exam. I suspect the most recent story I published (John’s story) also has elements of Quid Pro Quo harassment–and yes, by another professor. Humiliated shared a story of harassment by a police officer who told her he would help her fight a ticket if she went out to dinner with him.

Lindsay’s story shows how someone can give into a bosses demands for sex out of fear even if there was no threat of retaliation if she refused.

Quid Pro Quo can be one of the most damaging forms of exploitation because it makes the victim feel complicit in their abuse. We hear from them here at SHS, but they are often the quietest voices because they are so wracked with guilt and shame at what they believe they allowed themselves to be drawn into. They rarely publish their stories, usually burying their experiences in comments to others, or sharing only at the closed support group. In a culture that gives little support to harassment victims, these get the least because so many people blame them for giving in, just as they blame themselves. A woman who posted a comment the other day shared an amazing story, but she won’t formally publish it because her family is too devastated by what her boss has put her through.

I know that the economy will make this problem much worse. As people are hanging onto their jobs for dear life, many people will be locked into harassment situations–many of them Quid Pro Quo–because there will be so few options for them if they leave. If the only options are providing sex vs. not being able to pay your bills and put food on the table, well, we all know the choices some will be forced to make.

I shudder at the thought of what may be going on right now as I type this.

|| tags: General issues, Sexual Harassment Law author: Jennifer comments: 3 Comments

I occasionally hear from men or women who are being harassed because others think they are gay, even if they aren’t. We even published a story about an elementary school teacher who was doing this to her students. (See story) The label can get placed on them for a number of reasons, usually because something about them doesn’t fit traditional masculine or feminine stereotypes.

And of course, people who are gay are very common targets for harassment–they put up with it throughout their lives.

But many view it has harassment just to be slapped with the label “gay” or “lesbian.”

Making statements about anyone’s orientation is certainly mild sexual harassment in that is is a violation of boundaries and privacy to many people. Your sex life is no one’s business. Though I know a lot of people who like to make it everyone’s business, but that is a choice, and shouldn’t be forced. For those who feel their private lives deserve to remain private and not the fodder for gossip or harassment…well, I don’t blame anyone for being upset about any sort of encroachment in this area.

And often, someone making statements about another’s sexuality or sex life is a common first step towards their eventually making a pass at that person.

But it’s the over-stepping of the boundary that makes it harassment, not the label itself. There is nothing wrong with being gay, so it shouldn’t be viewed as an insult.

I was being harassed by a lesbian professor who was going around telling people I am a lesbian because she wanted to date me–I am not a lesbian, last time I checked, but she needed to believe in her fantasy. At first, I was angry about this, mostly because of the boundary violation, plus she was also stalking me and also did eventually make a pass at me. But I was also angry about being labeled falsely. Eventually I saw my reaction went against my value system in that I don’t believe there is anything wrong with it. I’ve had many gay friends in my life, both male and female. If there is nothing wrong with it, it isn’t an abusive label.

Equating the label “gay” as negative is the same thing as equating feminine qualities, as negative. Both men and women have always used descriptors such as “fights like a girl” or “is a pussy” if they want to insult or degrade someone. (This is another one of the reasons male homosexuals are often targeted because many are deemed to be sensitive and too female.)

This is such a serious problem that we are hearing all the time about suicides because of bullying over perceived sexuality of kids too young to even know much about sex. In April of 2009, 11 year old Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover committed suicide after chronic bullying from his peers because he was perceived to be feminine, and thus, homosexual. (See story)

One of the best ways we can stop these labels as being viewed as abuse is to quit equating them with negative qualities. Frankly, I think to view these as insults is as discriminating as being labeled with them. In this, the victim is as wrong as the perpetrator!

If someone is saying you are gay and this isn’t true, don’t respond in a way that works to perpetuate the idea that there is something wrong with people who are gay. Have the decency and strength of character to deal with this in a way that combats this kind of discrimination. Come back with what Charlie Chaplin said when someone accused him of being Jewish when he publicly criticized the Nazis back in the 30s. He said, “Sorry, I don’t have that honor.”

Some food for thought….

|| tags: Confronting the Problem, General issues author: Jennifer comments: 4 Comments

This was submitted to the Stories forum, but it is really a great article on the long-terms effects of early harassment that so many girls experience. So, I’m also publishing it here. –Jennifer, SHS admin

During my junior year in high school I had learned through reading an article published in Cosmopolitan, that I had been experiencing sexual harassment for the previous couple of years. It wasn’t until recently, at the age of 33, that I learn the deep impact this harassment had on my life.

I had been at work discussing with my co-workers my latest online dating fiasco when I was asked, “Why do you believe it is okay for men to treat you so disrespectfully?” I fumbled around for an answer, but to no prevail was I able to conjure up one. I flat out did not understand why a beautiful, talented, woman with a high sense of self worth and so much to offer would accept being treated the way I had allowed men to treat me. I let this question drift around in the recesses of my mind, and finally, last week the answer came to me: My parents taught me it was okay to be treated that way.

Now, I am not placing blame on my parents, this is just how the answer came to me. As a child when I would tell my parents how a boy threw paper at me, pulled my hair or chased me on they play ground, they would tell me, “that’s what boys do when they like you.” As I grew, the seemingly innocent taunts of my male classmates started to escalate in to name calling, such as slut, tramp, ho, etcetera. Again, I would complain to my parents about being called “bad names,” and again they would say, “that’s what boys do when they like you.” Well the name-calling turned in untrue rumors of what I had done with such and such boy, which increased the promiscuous name-calling. Then the name calling turned into unwanted sexual gestures and grouping. I would be walking down the isles of the bus and boys would grab my behind and slide a finger or two further between my legs or fondle my breasts. They would even pull me down to sit on their laps and pretend they were having intercourse with me from behind. All the time, I told myself, “This is what boys do when they like you.”

Flash-forward to the woman I am today, and you will see a woman who has had one long-term relationship with an emotionally abusive man that last just over a year. All the other men in my life have pretty much been “friends with benefits.” I am unable to partake in healthy romantic relationships. With a determination to have a healthy romantic relationship, I have ventured into online dating this past year. Boy has it been a challenge, fore I have all sorts of off the wall uncharacteristic behaviors emerge. Until recently, I thought there was just something defective about me.

Now, as I have drawn the correlation between the sexual harassment I dealt with as a teenager and my sabotaging behaviors today, I am being flooded with negative emotions and voices from within telling me to “suck it up,” “it’s all in your head,” and “it’s not as bad as you want to make it out to be.” I am desperate to have a voice of reason help me sort out the chaos going on with my emotions and thinking.

|| tags: Effects of Sexual Harassment author: Renee comments: 1 Comment

One of the things that many experts agree on is that one of the best ways to recover from abuse or violence is to get involved in some way to help combat the problem. This is something I’ve tried to encourage here at SHS from the beginning.

The truth is, most abuse and violence cannot be proven and there is little justice for the victims. This sad fact goes a long way towards destroying the victim’s hope and trust in the world, and the people around them. This usually leads to despair, and more bad things, often self-inflicted or self-imposed. This is why some victims remain “victims” in their minds, and they cannot move on to recovery and viewing themselves “survivors.”

Activism does much to stop this process from eroding your whole being. If you can’t fight the person/people who harmed you, you can combat the problem in the world. You can work to raise awareness, and maybe keep someone else from being hurt in the future. No one who does this can feel hopeless; it isn’t possible. The very act of fighting the problem that lead to your injury says that you know there is hope that things can get better.

It’s a way of taking that consuming anger and putting it to constructive use. Anger can almost become rejuvenating energy.

I know that my own work here at SHS has helped more than anything else I’ve done to bring some kind of meaning to my own experience with sexual harassment and stalking. The thank you’s I receive every week from people all over the world almost lead me to believe that there was a reason for the violence I’ve endured by these very sick professors who have harmed me.

Oh, and by the way, I have never been an activist-type in my life, even when I was in college. And I’m hardly a care-taker type. That phrase “I just want to help people” kind of jars me as being soooo saccharine. I’m much to jaded for that kind of thing. So, as a jaded, former-apathetic, I’m telling you, activism is really powerful stuff. What comes around really can go around.

To help encourage people to engage in some kind of activism, I created a forum over at the SHSF–our support and discussion group–for people to post about things they are doing, or are considering doing. I’ve also been posting announcements about the work of others I hear about. (The emphasis is small, grass roots groups and individuals, not large organizations.)

Today, RAINN, (the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) sent me their most recent PA. RAINN is a national organization that offers counseling and resources to survivors of rape, violence, and sexual abuse. In the PA they share the story of a teenager who raised a small amount of money that has helped the organization in a big way. I tried to put a link to the PA here, but it isn’t working. Anyway, here is what they wrote:

Alexis has been a RAINN supporter since 1999. In December of 2008, she committed to raising the funds to enable 150 victims of sexual assault to receive help through the National Sexual Assault Hotlines.

Through reaching out to her friends and family and asking for a modest gift of $5 or $10, Alexis was able to exceed her goal.

Alexis did not ask anyone to stretch beyond their means, but instead relied on her belief in RAINN’s mission to encourage the support of others. ….

In just a few weeks, Alexis Fedor raised $515 by reaching out to her friends and family. Through many modest donations of $10 or $15, Alexis enabled 150 victims to receive the help that they needed.

I’m not trying to get you all to donate to RAINN, or volunteer for RAINN–but it’s a great organization. I’m just showing this as an example of what one person can do to make a difference and help keep these kinds of services going. Even little things can go a loooooong way.

Other things you can do:

*start a blog and write about the issue which will help continue to raise public awareness and encourage discussion
*create a brochure with information and lists of resources and distribute it at your school or workplace
*start a discussion group or Internet forum
*create posters to draw attention to the issue
*get a button-maker and create buttons with captions that raise awareness and distribute them
*use a social networking site and create a space for support and discussion about the issues

That’s just a few things off the top of my head. There are really endless possibilities. Be creative and use your existing talents and skills. If you like to do art, do something artistic. If you like to write, do something journalistic. If you like exercise or sports, do something that involves these. You can even dedicate your playing a specific sport to raising awareness about the issue. (The Iranian soccer team’s wearing green wristbands made a huge statement about the election when they did this a week or so ago.)

If you have been a target of sexual harassment, sexual abuse, or any type of violence, consider including activism as part of your recovery. It needn’t be a big commitment. You can do something small, like this teenager did for RAINN. But I promise you, big commitment, small commitment–whatever you do will not just go a long way to fight abuse and violence, the greatest impact will be on yourself and your recovery.

|| tags: Recovery author: Jennifer comments: No Comments

Everyone is talking about this. Seems we should comment on it here since this is our “territory.”

Last week, Letterman joked that New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez had “knocked up” the former vice-presidential nominee’s daughter during a family trip to a baseball game.

Here is the joke:

“One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez,” he quipped.

But the daughter in question was 14-year-old Willow, not the intended target, 18-year-old unwed mother Bristol. Letterman said the following night that he was confused between the two and would never make sexual jokes about a 14-year-old. It was the 18-year-old he meant to joke about.

He has apologized sincerely and publicly, but everyone is still harping about this. It’s beating a dead horse.

Here is Sarah Palin’s response to his apology (she sent this to Fox News in a statement on Tuesday):

“Of course it’s accepted on behalf of young women, like my daughters, who hope men who ‘joke’ about public displays of sexual exploitation of girls will soon evolve.” source

Jab! Clearly, she is still pissed, and over something that he really didn’t do.

Letterman named the wrong daughter by MISTAKE. It was not an intentional joke about child sexual exploitation. There is no reason to keep beating him about the inappropriateness of making jokes about this crime because this was never the intention.

If they had gotten the right daughter, it would have been a pretty funny joke, really.

He said he was sorry. Everyone needs to let this die now.

(And that is SHS’s official position on this issue.)

|| tags: General issues author: Jennifer comments: No Comments

These are great, sensible, general tips on recovering from traumatic experiences. Anyone who has been sexually harassed or stalked should print this out and put in somewhere they will see everyday.

Tips on how to heal from painful, traumatic experiences

• Talk about it. Express how you are feeling about the trauma. You can talk to someone in person, use an online support group or even journal about the event.

• Seek support to help deal with the trauma in your life. Lean on family and friends, doctors or anyone else in your corner.

• Give yourself permission to heal. When you stop dwelling on the painful experience you can look to the future with a clean slate.

• Explore your spirituality. Many people find that their faith is what gets them through the traumatic times on their lives.

• Be good to yourself. Treat your body with respect. Eat healthier foods and exercise regularly to reduce stress and promote health.

• Do things you really enjoy doing, whether it’s fishing, shopping or volunteering. Finding something to do with your free time will keep you from dwelling on the trauma.

• Indulge in your creative side. Write, draw, paint, redecorate or build something to get your creative juices flowing and keep your hands busy.

• Challenge the negative thoughts that run through your head.

• Stop blaming yourself for things that are out of your control.

• Learn to express your feelings in a healthy way.

• Learn to accept your feelings for what they are.

• Find ways to become completely relaxed. Try yoga, meditation, prayer or even a warm bath to stay relaxed and keep stress to a minimum.

For more information on recovering from trauma, visit these organizations:

Sidran
Dr. Baldwin’s Trauma Pages

|| tags: Recovery author: Jennifer comments: No Comments