Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

Chip, Kansas

     A while ago, I was hired at a company that supplies wires for aircraft.  The supervisor who interviewed me knew that a  fellow employee had recommended me based upon his  knowledge of my work ethic.

     On my fifth day of employment, I was approached by this supervisor.  He stated that him and a fellow employee were going to have drinks at a bar a mile away from the workplace and that I should join them.

     Wanting to get to know everyone better and seeing no harm in it I agreed to go.

     At the bar, my supervisor continued to buy shot after shot for me.  After the fourth shot of tequila, I suggested that I was good and needed no more to drink. After constant ridicule,  I gave into another and another. 

     By the time the alcohol had settled, I could not walk without the help of others. Knowing that I could not drive in the condition I was in and that my phone was not in service, my supervisor suggested that he help get myself a hotel room down the street. Wanting a safe place to go sleep off my state of mind I agreed.

     As we got to the hotel, my supervisor stated that he himself didn’t feel safe driving either and that he would get us each a room. After fifteen minutes of waiting he returned telling me that they only had one room but it was a double bed room. Knowing that he had paid for it and that I needed someplace to go soon to be sick, I didn’t argue.

     Upon being assisted to the room, my supervisor had leaned in close with arm around me and tried to kiss me. I stated to him that I was not gay and pushed him away.

     We had gotten into the room and I immediately proceeded to the bathroom. I had began vomiting up all the alcohol that was consumed earlier that evening. I exited the bathroom and went to sleep on one of the two beds.

     The next morning knowing that I should have never been in that situation in the first place and not wanting to have to justify myself to everyone about that evening, I decided not to tell anyone about it. Besides, my supervisor expressed to me that if I told anyone we would both lose our jobs.

     The next following week at work, I was subjected to sexual comments (via text messaging) from this supervisor. Stating that he was a gay man and he knew a gay man when he had seen one (referring to me). He also would go on to state that I only had a job because I was good-looking and that he needed the “eye candy” around.

     I began to tell my fellow employees that I was looking for a new job as a result of not feeling comfortable at the work place. I also told them about the occurrence where he had tried to kiss me. Word had gotten back around to him of what I had been telling my fellow employees.

     He pulled my friend and fellow employee aside and told him about that night adding fabricated details to the story. He told him that he had given me a bath and that I had proceeded to have sexual intercourse with him–all of which never happened (I would be willing to take a polygraph test to prove my innocence). He also told my friend that I wasn’t a friend to him at all and was trying to get him fired.

     After being informed of all this information, I confronted my supervisor (via text message) “So I F**ked you in the ass huh?” No reply, So I sent another text. “You had better tell the truth or you won’t have a job.” After that text message I received a text message back ” I never said that, someone is messing with you.”

     Wanting justification, I called him expressing to him that he has destroyed my reputation and that he needed to set the word straight on what happened. He declined and stated that I was no longer a employee with them and I was to turn my badge in.

     I’m now in a position where I don’t know what course of action I should take. Everything mentioned above is factual and like I said I would be willing to take any form of lie detecting test to prove it.

Kelly, Wisconsin   

     I had just started working at a bar about a month before.

     I had only worked two shifts and therefore I had only met the manager and two of the other bartenders.  There was a staff meeting one Saturday afternoon to introduce all three of the new employees.  This was the first time that I had met the owner and the other five bartenders.

     After the meeting some of the staff stayed at the bar to drink.  I left to get dinner and agreed to come back later that evening.  When I got back to the bar the people who had originally stayed were extremely intoxicated; including the owner and the manager.  The owner came over to me and began bumping into me almost knocking me over.  At first I thought that he was just really drunk and then he slipped his finger down the back of my pants.  Again, I thought that it was an accident due to his drunkenness.  A short time later a girl came into the bar selling roses and he purchased the entire bucket and gave it to me.  I told him “No thank you.” and stated that I was engaged.  He then continued to bump into me and proceeded to put his whole hand down the back of my pants.

     I pulled away and told asked the bartender if he was always like this.  The bartender knew that I was uncomfortable so he pulled the owner aside and told him not to touch me anymore.  The owner walked away for about 15 mins. and then came back, bumped into me repeatedly and then grabbed my breasts through my shirt.  I told him to stop and pushed him away again.  He then put his hand down the back of my pants again and attempted to put his hand up my shirt.  I told him to stop again and pushed him away.  The bartender again told him not to touch me.  I went to talk to the manager and told her what was happening and that I was uncomfortable.  She stated that he had never done anything like that to her and that I should ignore it because he was drunk.  I told the bartender what was the manager said and he stated that I should ask for a big raise.  I returned to my seat and he did all the same things again.  

     This time the bartender on duty put him in a cab and sent him home.   Later that evening when I came home I told my fiance what happened and broke down and cried.  I didn’t realize how bad it really made me feel until I talked to someone.  My fiance and I talked it over and agreed that I would say something the next time I worked.

     A week later, on a Monday evening, I came into work my shift and the owner was there.  I talked to him about what he did and he just said “I get drunk, get used to it.”  I mentioned it to the manager again and she rolled her eyes.

     The whole night the owner just sat there and stared at me and I felt extremely uncomfortable.  So uncomfortable it made it difficult to do my job.  I just tried to ignore him. 

      Two days later, six hours before my scheduled shift the manager called to tell me that I was no longer needed there.  When I asked why, she stated that on Monday, I had a negative attitude.  She also stated that I was a great worker and she would be happy to give me a positive recommendation, but I was fired. 

      I have worked in many bars and have seen harmless flirtation from employees and customers, but I have never been so humiliated in my life. I know that most people don’t believe that the service industry is a profession, but bartenders and servers work hard and do not deserve to be treated like that, just because they work in an establishment that serves alcohol.  Intoxication is not an excuse to do that to anyone.

Nidia, Canada   

     My current situation is potentially getting serious and I just don’t know what to do.         

     I have been working with a company for a little over a year now.  About 6 months into my job, they hired this strange looking, socially challenged guy, probably in his fifties who I noticed would stare at me a lot to the point where I felt like he was leering or spying on me.  At first I dismissed it and I rationalized that maybe he was a bit weird, but then when there was a seating change and he was seated beside me, the situation got more and more strange.

     He sat directly beside me and would stare directly at me and when I turned to look at him he would look away.  He would stare at me breasts and my body whenever he left his seat, when he came back to his seat and the looks just got more and more invasive. He would even eavesdrop on my conversations with my other coworkers.

     Then he started trying to create opportunities to brush up against me (i.e. passing him in the hallways) or if he would see me walking through a doorway, he would try to squeeze through at the same time in an effort to force some kind of contact.  The situation got so bad that I requested a seating change. Or course that didn’t help, he just found new tricks.  Eventually I reported him to my HR department and they did ‘talk’ to him….

     But now what he  does is tries to follow me outside of the office when I am going home, or plants himself in my pathway  when he sees me returning from the washroom etc. 

     I have been reporting the situation to HR, even submitted a ten page document detailing most of the incidents that have occurred, but I am getting frustrated because I don’t think HR is taking the situation as seriously as it should.  I think my HR manager just doesn’t know what to do, which is disappointing.  My employment there is not permanent, only temporary so I wont be working with him forever but I am worried that this situation could bleed outside of the workplace and turn into a potential stalking situation.  I have already had my phone number listed as private just to be on the safe side.

     I don’t know what to do – there are days when I just get so angry and frustrated.  I ignore him and I don’t show fear, but it seems like he is trying to see how far he can take this situation – its like he sees it as some type of challenge or game.  He does not stare at me like he used to because he knows he is being watched – but still I don’t feel safe.

Laura, Ohio 

     I was a manager of a payday  loan service.    I am not a 22 year old “hottie”.  I am in fact a 43 year old mother of three who happens to have an Associates degree in Human Resources and a Bachelor’s in Organizational Management. 

     My harassment began in the second week of January a new manager was brought in where I work.

     The first day this individual came to our site he amazed all of us women there with his blatant sexual harassment.  He never missed an opportunity to grope, fondle or manhandle the three of us.   Every word out of his mouth was dripping with sexual innuendo.  If we bent down for any reason, his standard response was “hey, while your down there” with a sneer on his face and his hand in his pocket simulating masturbation. 

     It was disgusting. 

     Being an HR person, I immediately let him know this behavior was unwanted. 

     The last straw came after working in this environment for weeks was when this manager walked in on one of my female coworkers and myself discussing my dread of my upcoming mammogram.  We were not aware of his presence for several minutes.   

     That afternoon, with no other employees in our vicinity, he grabs me, fondles my breasts and tells me he had to just “feel my boobies” because he heard they were “fake.”

     I was devastated and felt as if I had been raped. 

     After a long night reliving this horrible experience in my head and knowing how this individual was also making my female coworkers feel, I decided to come forward.  I made a written complaint to Coworker Relations and was contacted by them  to get further details of the incident.  In the process, they spoke to the coworkers that had also been harassed. 

     I waited a week, dealing with a madman as he had been told of my formal complaint. 

     Finally, I was called by my district manager who stated that this was his second offense, and on Monday we would be having a formal meeting about proper behavior in the workplace!  This was not an acceptable resolution for me and I promptly gave my notice.

     Now my unemployment compensation is being denied as I did not give the “company long enough of a duration to address the issue”.  I am at my wits end. 

     I am so thankful that I found this website because I am struggling with the aftermath of workplace sexual harassment, and it helps to know that I am not alone.  I hope that my story will help someone survive the stigma of workplace harassment. 

BB, Iowa

     It started with a lot of compliments and attention.   Everywhere I was, my boss was there, wanting to “help”–helping me do my paperwork, helping my everyday chores.

     I purchased two rabbits for my facility and my boss insisted that we comb and cut the rabbits hair almost daily.   He would place two chairs facing each other I would sit in one and he would sit in the other.  This would be done in my office with the door closed.  I would place the rabbit on my lap and my boss would cut the matted hair and comb the rabbit.  Then my boss would brush the rabbit hair off of my pants for me. 

     Then he would lay one hand on my lap while combing with the other hand.  He brought a roller one day to “help” get the hair off of my pants.

     This was very uncomfortable for me but my boss would make comments like “this is very difficult to do without some touching involved.” 

     Then one day while combing the rabbits his hand went up my shirt.  I jumped up and ran out of the room.  I was upset but very scared and nervous about what he would say to me about leaving the room. 

     Later that day I went to his office and the first thing that I said was “please do not fire Me.”  My boss said that he would not but I could tell he was annoyed. 

     The next few days his attitude towards me was different.  His tone and behavior towards me was unfriendly and ominous. 

     I told him I was sorry, and he proceeded with his advances and soon there was touching and groping behind closed doors in my office and other rooms in the facility.  He took me into one room and had me remove clothes and he took pictures. He then put them on his computer, called me in to look at them and told me that they gave him great pleasure when he looked at them. 

     Just recently he lost interest in me, I think he has found someone else that caught his eye.  I was relieved when he stopped but he made the comment that he is not sure if it won’t happen again.  But it might. 

     Now he barely talks to me but every time he comes into my office I get nervous thinking that he has changed his mind and it will start again. He will every once in awhile touch me so I do not what to think or do. The whole situation is awful.

Samantha

     A neighbor in the building was becoming too friendly with many comments on my physical appearances– like “Wow!  You look beautiful,” etc. 

     One fateful day, he blocked my exit from the building, barricading me between two doors and asking me for a kiss. I gestured with my hands to move out of my way and he would not. 

     Instead, he again gestured that he wanted a kiss.

     At this point, I knew there was no way I would be able to exit unless I gave him a kiss, so I took my hand, made a gesture to my lips and slightly touched my hand to his cheeks. I walked away, brushed off the incident, however, felt uncomfortable.

     After this incident, he started to look at me with hostility, yelled at my in the apartment lobby and tried to provoke me to his games.

     I told him I would call the police and I did.

     The police came, filled out a report. I called the management of the apt and the owner called back to say he was sorry that it happened and that I was dealing this tenant. I wasn’t sure if filing a police report was the right thing to do but the police officers assured me that it was definitely the right thing to do. The police officers also gave me their precinct’s number so I could call them should he harass me again.

     I have been sharing the story with friends and family.  I also told another woman in my building and she was grateful to know and said that what he did was inappropriate. I also spoke to a friend who went through a much worst incident and it helped because she understood.

     Also, I’m in the process of moving, looking for another place to live and I think it will happen soon.  I was also told to keep a paper trail should this go to court and it’s a she-said, he-said incident.  

     Friends have walked me home and I have walked around the block to enter my apartment building from a different side of the street to avoid him and harm’s way. He may have been joking but clearly, his behavior is off-kilter  as I have not invited such behavior and because he became increasingly hostile after that barricading incident. He doesn’t stand outside the apartment building as much.  Though, sometimes, I think he watches to see if I’ll look towards his way.

     They say predators build trust and then attack.  He  has violated my trust and so, he is no longer a “neighbor.”  So far as I’m concerned, he could be a social deviant.  He has shown no sign of an apology– which again affirms that he has some screws loose in his brain.

     Some people have tried to belittle the incident and acted as if I somehow was to blame or dumb.  I have tried to be gracious to them.  But, I will probably stay away from them a little because of lack of support.

     Bringing all of this to light probably will help deal with the wound, and I hope healing is possible. This too shall pass. Thank God. 

Kay

     Just this past week, I was making a routine return visit to a primary care doctor at a Charity Hospital in my area.  The young doctor there proceeded to put his hands on me and kiss me on each sides of my face. 

     Being that he was from India, I was confused and thought maybe it was his custom, until he then put both hands on the sides of my face and started trying to kiss me in the mouth. 

     I pushed him backwards at this point and he backed up, threw both hands up in a stop position, then put a finger across his lips in order to say “Shhhh” to me.  Then, he proceeded back to business. 

     I was so stunned I didn’t know what had just happened.  He did comment that he remembered all the “pretty ladies.” 

     I can’t help but think this has happened to other women before me.   I called back from home and told the hospital what had happened and they seemed to be shocked.  They said no one had ever reported anything about this certain doctor. 

     I was surprised!  I’m I fighting a losing battle here?  NO WITNESSES!  But listen… If there had BEEN a witness I’m sure this would have never happened!  This guy is getting away with this and he needs to be stopped. 

     What should I do!?? I was down and out about having to go to a charity hospital being that I’m a single women self employed in a small town.  I had put check ups off since I’ve been divorced with no insurance.  I needed to have things checked on since I’m almost 50 in age.  I got the courage up to finally go… NOW THIS HAPPENS.  I’m very upset.  Please help.  I don’t know where to turn.

Thomas, California 

     When I was 13-14 years old, a girl at my school told me repeatedly that she was going to marry me, take me to China, Mexico or Hawaii, and pick me up at 5:00 in the morning. She would often kiss me, after being told I do not want to be kissed. I have also told her that I do not want to get married. She would also call me on the telephone repeatedly. On one day, she called me 80 times, despite me telling her that I do not want her to call me. She would also pinch me. She would say “if you wear (color) you get pinched.” It was always what I happened to be wearing.

Jessica, Tennessee  

     After spending about 4 hours at the hospital, my mom and I decided to go to a used book store.  My mom wanted to get a few DVDs.

     I went off to find some books and as I was walking a few steps towards a shelf, a man bumped into me. He was not large and I knew he did it on purpose. Two minutes later I feel something on my crotch.  I look to my left and see the man walking away.

     I went to find my mom and she told an employee in the front. I showed him the man who did it by pointing and he went to get someone else.

     The man was about to walk out but my mother stopped him and he was kicked out. By that point I really did not want an apology, honestly. I never wanted to see him again.

     My mom called my dad who works with the police and told him about everything that happened. The police ended up filing a report and finding a suspect. I went to a lineup with my mom and we did not choose the suspect they had but we did choose the same picture. After that they went to the bookstore to get the video tape.

     I did not sleep well at all last night. This happened a couple days ago.  I really want to fight sexual harassment now that this has happened to me, a sixteen year old.

Lynndy    

     When I was a sophomore in High School, two guys whom I thought were my friends began making comments about my figure and how I was just really gorgeous. 

     I was like, “Thanks for the compliments.” 

     But then the next day they both came up to me and started grabbing my breasts and other inappropriate places.

     I thought nothing of it at first, but they kept doing it to me.  I kept trying to push them off and they kept holding me so they could touch me.

     One day, one of the boys had come up to me and acted as if they were going to give me a hug.  Instead, he gave me a hickey.

     All I remember is that I had a huge mark on my neck and knew I needed to hide it before I went home and my parents saw.

     My parents were clueless about the harassment.  I finally got brave enough to tell school officials and they took report after report for four months.  Then it was taken to the extreme when the boys started to verbally harass me every day at school.  This all lasted for months.

     Finally, the school suspended one of the boys for one day and the other boy got away with it.

     I ended up dropping out of school because I could not stand to be near anybody.  I am still afraid of going near people I have a hard time being social.

     I never pressed charges against the boys because I was afraid of what may happen if I did.  My parents never knew until I was 16 and several months after I had dropped out of school.  I have been experiencing nightmares for the last 3 years of my life and am really scared to get close to anyone because of the harassment.