Speak Up!

Faith, New York

     I was so excited about my new position! I was to be Assistant Principal Operations at a prestigious High School in New York City; right off the east side highway. I started working there in Aug 2008. Having ten years experience as a teacher and advanced degrees in educational administration; I was prepared to tackle my new found responsibility.
     My supervisor was also eager to support me. He even hired a mentor to assist me to ensure that my work was flawless. The school year started and everything seemed to be going well. Despite the staff not being so supportive of a new young African American being their supervisor, nothing else seemed to prevent me from becoming successful; at least that’s what my principal told me. He would say, “Don’t worry Faith, I have your back, you can’t do no wrong, so what if they attack your work, they are just racist and you will win them over”
      On October 15, 2008, I had to prepare the school for the PSAT exam. Preparation included scheduling assignments for teachers and students. The day was very hectic and at the end of the day there was a leadership meeting that took place until about 7:30pm. During the meeting, my boss passed me a note saying that I looked tired and asked me if I wanted to go get something to eat afterward to discuss the events of the day; I nonchalantly agreed.
     We went to a restaurant and started to discuss work issues, then all of a sudden he began to rub my hand. I pulled away feeling totally awkward. He tried to convince me to have another drink and I declined. Instead, told him I was ready to leave. The restaurant was about a block and a half away from the school, but unfortunately we drove in his car. We got up to leave and I got in his car (stupid) as we proceeded to drive back my boss said that he forgot something in his office and wanted me to go with him inside to get it. My car was back at the school but I was too afraid to say no. I went with him…
     When we got into the office he started to say that he was very attracted to me and that he wanted to be with me. He grabbed me from behind. I wrestled with him and begged him to stop. Luckily one of the custodians was there and knocked on the door. My boss screamed out saying he was heading out in a few. We snuck out the building.
     When I got home, I couldn’t sleep. I cried and decided not to go in the next day. What was I to do? I was in a bad situation…. Why? My C-30 was occurring in 4 days. (A C-30 is a formal interview that “seals the deal.”) I would become appointed and gives me union protection. At this point I was an Interim Acting Assistant Principal and I could be dismissed at any time.
     I went in the next day- a Friday, the day before my birthday and I said to myself over and over again that I was going to speak to my boss about what occurred and let him know that it was unprofessional, disrespectful and that I didn’t want it to happen again. That afternoon he called me in his office. When I entered, selective staff members were there with him, with a cake singing happy birthday. Unbelievable!
I guess everything was just suppose to go away because he got me a birthday cake?
     Over the weekend I built myself up again to confront him, but in a respectful tone, my C-30 was Tuesday and I didn’t want to risk loosing my job.
     I went in and requested a meeting with him. I told him exactly how I felt and he seemed to be very apologetic. He said it would never happen again. My C-30 came and I was appointed.
     Fast forward to May 2009 he began to become very aggressive with his sexual needs. He started to tell me that he wanted to be with me and that he wouldn’t take no for an answer.
     I already shared my story with a colleague in November, who too was also recently hired as an Assistant Principal Science and she said he had done the same thing to her. She and I made a pack to stick together to avoid being alone with him.
     As the year came to an end his advances became more blatant. I decided to record him, so I purchased a voice recording device. Why? Its all politics, my boss is GREAT friends with his boss and I needed proof.
     By Aug 2009 I felt like I had enough evidence to go to Human Resources and I did. After reporting him I was retaliated against: scratches to my vehicle, racist crank calls. Recently, I was fired for false allegations of insubordination. Later, I found out that everything I reported was leaked.
     I went to the NYC Commission on Human Rights and I have a private lawyer handling my case and in the end I know I will be vindicated.

Claire Joe, London, U.K.

     I started my studies on a university course very happy in September. In October I started attending lectures on my course. I got unwanted attention from a male university lecturer who kept smiling at me. I thought it was my imagination but I used to get the train home from university, and he would be at the railway station watching me.  Again, I thought I imagined it but he kept showing up at the station, and outside the station he shouted lured sexual comments at me.
     I just felt very numb and the breaking point for me was at a mates birthday. I went to the student’s union bar for a night out. As I was ordering drinks, the university lecturer came over and started touching me in sexual places, and kissed me.
     I felt like a rape victim.
     I tried to confront him in a seminar class, but he intimidated me by saying that he got great joy from it.
     I reported him to my personal tutor but was not believed by my teachers even though I have witnesses.
     I have now changed my course and found out that the university lecturer who has abused me has just had a baby to my old business management teacher (she is one of the teachers who did not believe me). I feel sick every time I see both of them because they are still at my university, however I have had counselling to support me.

Nina

     I was seriously stalked by a guy that studied in the same college as me. He first introduced himself personally and afterwards began to send letters that were freaky and contained a lot of private info what made me realize that for sure he cracked my password and read my e-mails.
     Things got worse with time and he began to follow me home and stuff like that. He sent his friends to ask me why did I break-up with him. He even told people I had been his fiance.
     The weird thing is that I NEVER met him before so no way we dated or something in the past (though he truly thinks we were together).
     He then was working at the same place as me and I had to talk to my boss who managed to get him a kind of restriction rule so he couldn’t’t approach me there.
     After, I moved to another country and surprise, he got a job in the same place, so i had to live with that for some more years. Again, i had to talk to my new boss as he applied for a job in the same working group i was working in. Finally he left the country.
     But then yesterday I found out that he is coming back again.  It seems that he found a new job in the same city and I am worried about it.  He mentioned to a colleague that as he had a girlfriend there (in the place I live and where he used to live) he wanted to move back.
     I am scared that he is moving back because of me. This has more than ten years (thirteen indeed) and I don’t know what to do. Should I talk to some authority? I don’t have any real proof of his stalking, the only thing I have is the word of another head of the office that was actually threatened by this guy through e-mails in the past. (He is violent too.)

Mary, Georgia, USA and Amsterdam, NL

     I joined a global, primarily male dominated electronics company 3 years ago.  My intention was to continue my career in a productive way with a global company in whom opportunities were plentiful for seasoned executives who delivered/exceeded expectations. To my great misfortune, I reported to what can only be described as a deeply insecure executive threatened by my knowledge and experience. 

     Things at were great at first – my VP to whom I reported was delighted with my findings and action plans to repair our brand’s relationship with our consumers post purchase. 

     However, after a few months,  I scheduled an appointment with my VP to review remaining year plans.  Immediately upon entering his office he asked me “How old are you?” in an accusatory, angry tone.  I responded “47 why?” to which he responded “Goddammit – if I’d known you were that old I never would have hired you.” The meeting deteriorated from there where I was berated, belittled and told I needed to prove my worth to the company.

     Shaken, I left the office confused and bewildered, particularly after being told only a few weeks prior that I was acknowledged as the best hire of 2006.

     From that moment forward, this same VP embarked on a full-on attack of sexual harassment. In front of male IBM vendor contacts at a team event, the VP announced “Hey Mary – we have a great idea for you. We think you should wear low cut jeans, a thong and get a snake tattoo down your butt with the tale sticking out of the top of your thong.” All the men were laughing in a taunting way.

     I felt mortified, objectified and embarrassed.

     These vendors were those I had to manage for performance improvement. This objectification made it nearly impossible.

     In another meeting with more vendor contacts, this same VP said “I have a special video Mary will like.”   He proceeded to pull up a YouTube video on the overhead showing a zealous school marching band drummer who in fact appeared to be masturbating.  He played the video over and over again repeating “This is for Mary.” The vendors in the room looked at me with empathy and the VP responded “I guess this is an HR issue but they expect this from me so it’s no issue.”

     The objectification continued – when I would make presentations, this VP would first comment on my looks, good or bad, make old jokes, etc.

     Finally in August I confronted him with it, advising it made me uncomfortable and could he please curb the behavior. This was in a one-on-one. He apologized – seemingly sincerely – and indicated he would be more cognizant.

     The very next day, he was announced he’d purchased me a gift, a small paperweight shaped like a construction cone with the word “bitch” written on it.

     Two weeks later, he had arranged a meeting with me and HR, claiming a vendor had complained about me and that she would quit if I continued my behavior. I was stunned as this vendor and I had become friends.   I went to the vendor employee and she was stunned as well saying she had no idea what I was talking about.  I reported back to the VP and he said “well you know she is a liar and I’m telling you this happened.” This is when I knew he’d retaliated against me and I needed to be very careful going forward.

     Many instances of public berating, calling me a liar, idiot, undermining me. In another team event, in his drunken stupor, he grabbed my hand – again in front of male employees – and put it on his penis. He lead a public chorus of boos when I was presented an award by a colleague (in good fun) and I left the party depressed, humiliated, confused, isolated and unclear where to go.

     In spite of all this, based on my performance, the General Manager over Global Service asked if I would come to Europe and help with the service organization. I had a good relationship with this gentleman and saw this as my opportunity to extricate myself from the US VP, expand my experience and regain my professional footing.

     I accepted the opportunity but oddly the details were very slow in coming. The harasser kept telling me “It’s because you’re too old and corporate doesn’t want to invest in you.”

     Finally, I was provided the job offer (after 6 months from time it was offered to me) and I moved to Europe. Within 1 month, the harasser was announced as replacement of General Manager and I would again be reporting to him here in Europe.

     I was devastated.

     The harassment escalated in Europe – barging in on meetings with male colleagues where I was the only woman “What’s up – Mary giving everyone blow jobs?” On and on – I documented everything.

     I spoke with him again but his response now was “Hey – we’re in Europe now. All bets are off.” Turns out he was right.

     He moved into an apt. across the canal from me and made it clear he watched me.  And he was right – he was able to recount my comings and goings in one weekend which ultimately made me finally put my foot down and go to HR.

     Devastated, I provided HR my rolling document of harassment, ageism and hostile work environment asking to be sent home and paid through end of my contract.  They were slow to respond, but after I engaged an attorney, the company conducted a soft investigation and everything I’d reported was corroborated by witnesses.  They offered me a sizable settlement by Dutch employment standards which my attorney acknowledges is as good as an admission of guilt.  A condition of the settlement was that I remain silent on the topic. 

     I decided not to accept the settlement.  In these 6 months, I learned there had been numerous complaints in the US against this VP and thus I cannot remain silent on this issue, particularly when during these 6 months I’ve learned the extent of this problem in cross industries.

     Just today – 6.5 months after my first call for help, while I remain employed I have been stripped of my responsibilities and have learned just this morning my international insurance policy has been cancelled.  It is true – the harassment was bad enough over the years.  But the retaliation, lack of process and genuine empathy has almost been worse. 

     I agree it’s time to stand up….I cannot be embittered but rather empowered by this.  The time is approaching for women to pave the way for the next generation…!  We are here for each other and women have enormous spending power. We can influence Brand behavior by exorcising our power, staying strong together and helping human beings recognize human frailties exist at all levels of management, result in different behaviors (in ourselves and even harassers) and stay focused on positive change for the betterment of those who follow behind us.

     I deeply appreciate this site.

Becca, Canada    

     This happened 10 years ago but it still affects me.
     In junior high (grade 7-9) I was sexually harassed because I answered a question. I was happy and confident and liked to answer questions if I could in school. I made sure no one else wanted to answer first and then I would try.
     A popular boy in my class must have hated me because of this.  One day, he went to the board during class to write out an answer and instead wrote that I was in love with him and wanted to have sex with him.
     Needless to say, I was embarrassed but went up and erased the message.
     Then he began sitting behind me in class and started to whisper sexual scenarios to me.  Then he would slide his hand up my leg, blow in my ear, and whisper during class.
     I told him repeatedly to Stop! Go Away! Leave me alone!and still he continued.
     I started to react more violently.  He sat on my desk one day and I shoved him to the floor.  I would slap away his hand if he touched me.
     The worst part was teachers saw this and never said anything or did anything to help.
     I finally decided to report him.  At this same time, another boy seemed to like me. The first one found out and he picked him up by his shirt collar and told him “I’ll get you if you talk to her again”.
     I ran all the way back to class and from then on did nothing to stop it.  I never reported him.  I was too scared I would be hurt if I did.
     All of these years later it still bothers me and has affected my relationships.  I am anxious and nervous all of the time and rarely trust people.  I often avoid people and situations that remind me of that school.  I tell myself it is silly to still be bothered by this incident and find it hard to seek help.  I just wish I could be free from all of this.

Jill Thompson, Maryland

     As a self-employed female vendor, my customers were car dealers.  Until it happened to me, I never even thought about sexual harassment.  Believe me, when working and investing in my skill and business to be self-employed, sexual harassment was never considered as a factor in the equation. 

     It started out of the blue at my best account by the used car manager in charge of authorizing my work. One day, he lowered his voice and started talking about us getting together (this man was married). At first, I was so numb that the only part I remember word for word was what he would always follow up with and he would say “and you won’t tell, would you.”  This went on here and there for a period of several months. Then one day, I was in the key room collecting keys and he came in and physically tried to grab me. 

     I was shocked.  I basically tried not to anger him and got out of there as fast as I could.  Eventually, I walked away from the account altogether. 

     Later on, thinking it would help me to not be so angry, I filed a claim with the automaker. The response I got was horrible.  First, the GM at the dealership lied in writing about an investigation that never took place. Then the big automaker who pretends to care so much about working women refused for more then a year to give me my claim number in writing until I contacted the ACLU. 

     Unfortunately, no attorney equals no zero tolerance policy and since there isn’t much in place to protect self-employed women, there was nothing I could do. 

     So, for free personal therapy, I wrote a funny screenplay about my not so funny experience and I have decided to post it on a website including the name of the big automaker.

     It’s time for women to stand up for themselves. No one wants to talk about sexual harassment yet look at the number of women affected by it.  I say, we need to start talking and who cares about a lawsuit.  Thanks to sexual harassment, I have nothing to loose anyway.

Roshanda

     I am a 17 year old senior in high school.  From the 6th through the 10th grade, I was sexually harassed by a guy at my school.  He was a few years older than me.  At that time we rode the bus together and had Drivers Ed together.
     The first encounter I had with him was on the bus.  He started grabbing my breasts and trying to put his hands between my legs.
      It made me very uncomfortable, but instead of saying something, I just moved my legs and moved his hands but It didn’t seem to work very well.
     I told a teacher about the incident but nothing changed.
     So as that year passed, it seemed to get worse.  He started following me down the hallways and trying to follow me into the bathroom.
     It freaked me out because I didn’t know what to do. 
     Well I told someone who told my mom.  My mom came to the school and talked to the principle.  Then they said they had it under control.
     Well they didn’t.  In my 9th grade year, he continued to touch me.  He would put his hands down my pants.  Once, he pinned me into a corner and  started kissing me.  I became scared that he was going to try and rape me.  One of my teachers had to help get him away from me.
     Every time I tried to report it to someone, it didn’t get any better, it only got worse.
     In the middle of my 10th grade year, he quit school.  But before he left, he tried to get me to have sex with him at school.  At that time a lot was going on with me.  It scared the heck out of me.
     Well now he is gone, but I still think about it.  It scares me that he could come back and try to do it all over again.
     I don’t know what to do cause now my uncle has started touching me in inappropriately.  I’m really scared and I don’t know where to turn cause my mom doesn’t believe me.  I just don’t know any more.

Jude

     It was my freshman year of high school that I was taking a science class with a “notoriously perverted” teacher, or so I’d been warned by peers.  Regardless, I needed the credit, and at a small high school, he was the only educator teaching the class.
     He proved to be overly casual for a teacher, that I noticed immediately.   And he would touch the girl’s backs, and look down our shirts.
     Once, he singled me out because of a skirt I was wearing. It was warm outside, and though my skirt had been short, it in no way broke school dress code.
     As everyone passed their papers to the front, he said to me “Bring that up here.”
     Confused, I asked “Why?” since everyone else in the class had passed theirs along the rows.
     All he responded was “I just want to see you do it.”
     So I obliged, walking to the front of the room to hand in the paper.
     As I walked, he watched my legs.  When I went back to my seat, he watched my butt the whole way, as reported by another student.
     Later, a girl reported him after he rubbed her back.  She was then transferred into a lower science class, and nothing was done to the teacher.

Colleen, Texas

     I worked in an environment of approximately eighty people on my shift/department.  During this time, I was repeatedly subjected to lewd jokes, sexual comments and gestures, physical contact, all of it unwelcome and disgusting. There was five men doing this to me.
     I was one of three women, the other two married with husbands in the same department. My guess is being the only single woman is why I was singled out for this torment.
     After six months of this BS I finally complained to my supervisor, crying.  He told me it would be taken care of on Monday(this was a Friday).  So extremely upset I left for the weekend after the supervisor told me we would all sit down and discuss the situation on Monday.
     When I got to work that Monday, about half the men on my shift were conveying horrible looks at me.  It got worse over the next few weeks. I was spit at and had cigarette butts thrown at me. This went on for about three weeks.
     I had to see a doctor for meds for severe anxiety/depression. My blood pressure was high.   I lost a lot of weight.  My hair was falling out.  I had trouble sleeping at night, and when I did sleep I had nightmares.  Anytime I had to think about going to work I would shake uncontrollably.I felt like killing myself.
     I don’t know how I lived through all of it.  No self respecting individual should have to tolerate that type of behavior.  That’s when I knew I would have to complain to EEOC to exercise my rights.  My case is now pending with, of course, the harassers denying everything.

Sexually Harassed Guy, New York

     I am a 15 year old guy in the 10th grade.  Ever since the 6th grade, I have been harassed by a female student and a few of her friends, but mostly her.
      I can’t remember when it started, but I do remember sometime in the 7th grade I had to work on a project with her. While working, she took my pen in placed it in her crotch and told me to get it. I just walked away and worked somewhere else and let it go.
     In the 8th grade, while leaving the cafeteria, she and a friend grabbed me in the hall and cornered me.  They groped me continuously, even as other students passed by and some saw. It was extremely embarrassing.
     I told them to let me go but they wouldn’t let me.
     A couple days ago, at a club meeting we both are involved in, while taking a break, she comes over and starts telling me how we go out and how I’m her boyfriend.  Her friends laugh. Then she starts groping and rubbing on me.   When I stand up to leave with my friend, she pinches my butt and laughs.
     These are only a few of many incidents, and I finally had enough. I plan on going to my assistant principal first thing Monday and reporting her. She has made going to school and the club something I dread, and now I have a witness.