Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

Ceara, Houston, Tx

     I was about 37 years old when I enrolled at a large university in Houston to explore a new career path and earn prerequisites for graduate school; but instead of starting a new journey, I suffered severe gender and sexual harassment by a number of professors in several departments.

     Among others, various behaviors included lewd gestures and expressions aimed at me in class, refusing to speak to me or answer questions, and stalking by one of my professors. In one department, even though I was making straight A’s, it was clear that my status was not going to be measured by my performance, but contingent on my willingness to pursue professors sexually, and they became hostile when I did not respond accordingly–I even suspected there was a bet going on who was going to sleep with me. (My straight-A status was dismissed and they were saying I must be cheating since women who look like I do are “stupid.”)

     I never made any formal reports, and one professor (the stalker) clearly regretted his actions, and tried to make amends. But a female faculty member reported some of what was going on, and consequently, at least two professors later lost their jobs.  At no point did anyone ever talk to me about what was happening, or the extent of it, and I did not support the university’s actions since all I wanted was for the behavior to stop.

     Even though I never reported anything, I was blamed not only for the results, but also the harassment–they said that because I’ m feminine, I deserved it.  Then the backlash began.  Professors did not want me in their classes, and I even received hate mail. I had begun to have tremendous difficulty concentrating which made it very hard to read, study, and to perform well on exams. My grades began to suffer, along with my health and my job performance. 

     Since I no longer trusted the instructors at this school, and hoped to move on, I transferred to a graduate program at a small, private catholic university, also in Houston. I was hoping there I could “lay low” for a time while continuing my studies. Mostly, I hoped I could begin to heal. However, the professors at the first school violated all confidentiality and my identity was not protected (which I now know is against federal law), and they seemed to make sure that my instructors at the second school knew what happened, particularly that it was all my fault.  So, similar problems and conflicts resulted at the second school, including more sexual harassment and backlash.

     The most surreal harasser-stalker was a lesbian department chair who decided my emotional reaction to harassment by men meant that I am a “repressed lesbian,” and she was going to “help” me through this personally. She made a pass at me in class, and was telling people I’m a lesbian, which I‘m not. She contacted people–frends, former teachers, former employers, family members, doctors–to gather details about my work and personal life, my sex life, sex partners, and sexual experiences. She was telling people that I’ve been lying about the extent of the sexual harassment and stalking, and that I’ve made it all up to get attention. She began stalking me on the Internet, and used her title as a psychologist to obtain my health care information, which makes her the professor to break the most federal laws in their dealings with me. I did finally report her behavior and she was reprimanded, yet the stalking has continued. To this day, she and I have never even had a single conversation, yet her bizarre obsession has gone on for over three years. Now her focus seems to be revenge for her being rejected and having her behavior exposed.

     There were problems with other profs at the 2nd school. Even before we had a single conversation, my own advisor was blaming me for what happened at the earlier school, and constantly attacked my character behind my back. He called me an “Eddie Haskell,” someone who is always trying to stir up trouble. He conducted psychology experiments on me, telling other students to “act this way with her” or “be like that around her” and report back to him their “observations”, or “findings.” (He was mostly interested in findings that would paint me in a negative light.) Another professor was angry at my lack of attention towards him (he even stomped out of the classroom one day because of it), and later gave me an F because I would not meet with him one-on-one in his office. Another was openly hostile, and was ridiculing me outside of class to other students and faculty. Other professors came into my classes, or loitered outside the doors, to “get a look at her.”

     Because of traumatic stress symptoms, my grades plummeted and I began missing classes. I did not dare report what was happening at the 2nd school because I was already being targeted there because of what happened at the 1st school. Throughout, my appearance, character, and personal life have been scrutinized and attacked, and the hounding reached the point where it qualifies as gang stalking. Few really attempted to get to know me; they just looked for the “pathology” in me that was “causing all the problems,” and they would discard anything they could not use or distort to support their hypotheses. Few wanted the whole truth, and I was never allowed to present my side of any conflict. There has been much denial over the effects of the harassment and backlash, and some were saying that I was using the situation to hide that I’m a trouble-maker, and am incompetent and stupid, even though I was making straight A’s before it all happened and have a cum laude BA from Mount Holyoke. (I heard some were saying I must have cheated my way through.)

     Repeatedly I have sought counseling for help in moving on, but no one seems to understand sexual harassment and the common dynamics and effects, plus my situation is so hard to believe. So, the inexperienced counselors simply added to the existing damage–a couple of them were even jealous! The last counselor I talked to demonstrated her “support” by calling me “paranoid” and repeating everything I told her in our sessions with professors at my school, including the lesbian who was sexually harassing me. Eventually, I developed post-traumatic stress disorder and had to drop out of school altogether.

     I also suffered professionally and financially as the traumatic stress symptoms caused my work performance to suffer to such an extent that I had to leave my job. There was much hostility from my former supervisors and colleagues over this–most are Houston academic people–and I’ve have lost all of my recent references. (They don’t care why I had to leave, just that I did.) Many of them had been longtime friends, too. With no income, I have had to live off of my retirement savings, which is almost gone.

     It’s been like a four-year-long gang rape. I hoped to avoid taking legal action, but I finally had to threaten both universities because of the retaliation, continued confidentiality violations, and the continued stalking. All I really want is to get well again, and move on. Once very adventurous, I have rarely left my home in over a year, and I’ve lost most of my faith in people. Ultimately, I know I need to get back to school, but don’t know if I will ever feel safe there again. It’s like they have stolen both my present and my future. I just don’t know what is going to happen now.

 

Update (1 year later): Hoping to give school one more try, in December of 2005, I applied to a graduate school in New England. But still furious at being rejected and having her behavior exposed, the lesbian professor who has been stalking me contacted the program director and trashed my character and abilities to the degree that I was subsequently rejected. (It’s the “if I can’t have you, no one is going to have you” syndrome that many stalkers have.) I believe she was able to get assistance by professors from the first university, those who still blame me for what happened there with the male professors. She also contacted other schools I’ve attended, and one she thought I was going to apply to, and slandered my character to them.

     Her sexual obsession continues, though she seems to have temporarily given up on trying to get me to try lesbianism with her. Instead, she was trying to convince a former male teacher of mine to seduce me, and give her the details. (I SWEAR TO GOD I AM NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP!!!) I guess she was hoping to live through him, or something to that effect.

     She has continued to stalk me on the Internet, too, most recently at an online sexual harassment support group (not SHS or SHSF) where I had even warned the group leaders ahead of time that I had a cyberstalker. (The group moderator is an academic person, and the lesbian had completely won her over to the extent that the moderator was encouraging, and assisting in, the stalking!) I left the group, but she has contacted the leaders of other sexual harassment groups, lied to them about me, and tried to get the same assistance from them with her stalking. For all their complaints about abuse of power, even the sexual harassment support community is blind to anyone with a title, if the title is owned by a woman. (It’s a common myth, perpetuated largely by feminists, that women can’t be sexual harassers or stalkers.)

       But all of this is just a continuation of the obsession the lesbian stalker developed several years ago because of the sexual harassment I experienced by male professors at the first university. She has stalked me at other groups on the Internet, and defamed my character to my colleagues, former employers, former teachers, my friends, and to my family. Even though to this day she and I have never even had a conversation, she has been very good at making people believe she is closely connected with me. She uses the “nuts” part of the “nuts and sluts defense,” telling everyone I am lying about the harassment and the stalking, and the effects, and that I am just trying to get attention, and because she is a psychologist, everyone believes her. Everyone seems to place a blind faith in anyone with a title, so, besides all of my friends turning their backs on me at this point, my family has, too. She tells them she is “just trying to “help,” but how does it help to stalk me, drag my name through the mud, and destroy all my options and relationships???? The truth is she is a Mother-father Figure sexual harasser, and an Intimacy Seeker stalker who will not accept that I want absolutely nothing to do with her. She is furious at being rejected, and in classic stalker-fashion, she is working to isolate me, and see to it that the only options I have are those that include her, and give her as much control over me and my life as possible.

     I very much want to take legal action against both universities for retaliation harassment, but could not win a case without witnesses. There are plenty of people who could help me by speaking the truth, but so far everyone is covering their own asses. As is the case with many stalking situations, the lesbian stalker has been able to convince so many people to compromise themselves, even to the extent that they break the law right along with her, that their own reputations, even their jobs might be in jeopardy if they spoke up. So, they just sit and watch, hoping their own culpability is not exposed. I cannot take a restraining order out this very disturbed person because, in Texas, the stalker must have threatened you with physical harm. In other states, I could have had her thrown in jail by now.

     I know I will never be able to regain my faith or trust in people, particularly in authority. I will never set foot in another classroom again, and because of the PTSD which may have moved into complex PTSD, I’m probably not even employable anymore. Like I said before, it’s like these so-called educated teachers have stolen both my present and my future. They have raped and destroyed my entire life. There really isn’t anything left. If you are thinking of coming to school in Houston, particularly if you are over 30, DON’T DO IT!!!!! You may end up a ghost just like me.

(Subsequent updates are posted below)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 6th, 2005 at 7:04 pm and is filed under Sexual Harassment in Education, Retaliation, Backlash, and Victim-blaming, Effects of Sexual Harassment, Stalking, Health Effects, Same-sex harassment, Sexual Harassment by Women. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.