Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

Pressures sometimes even men have to deal with

Aaron, United Kingdom

Being a man, I find it very difficult to write my story. Looking at some of the other stories here, I feel like perhaps my experience is not as bad. Still it’s bad for me. All I know is I feel uncomfortable, very embarrassed, and feel like quitting my job.

I work as a receptionist in a hotel, and it’s mostly women working there. I am very professional at my job, but when I first arrived, I was continually stared at by the women, and some even did wolf whistles. I thought, well maybe this is just a laugh for the girls, so, although embarrassed, I just brushed it off. As I was the only guy on the team, I guessed that maybe this was a novelty for the women and that it would stop-it didn’t, it got a lot worse. As the weeks went by, I got inappropriate remarks like “he’s got a nice bum” and “do you work out?” They would stare and laugh suggestively if I bent over to pick up papers, etc. In the staff room, when I bend over to sit on a seat or something, some say “cooarrr!” or wolf whistle. I once was asked by a colleague if I could get her some chocolate from the local shop. She said, “If you get me this chocolate, I’ll give you a blow job.” This was with like 5 other female coworkers in the room. She said it loudly. (I guess to cause embarrassment.) All the room lit up with laughter. I met a woman that works in another department at the hotel, and we started having a relationship. The staff on my ward found out, and they started asking me about sexual things that I did with my girlfriend. They have begun to say things in front of customers, too.

I thought, Ok, this is all embarrassing, but well I am a guy so I guess I should not fear anything from these women. It’s not the same as like when a woman gets continual remarks from men about HER body. Perhaps it’s just teasing and the will get bored. But then the touching started. At work colleagues began to feel my arms when moving around me to get to the other side of the reception desk. At first I thought well maybe she just needed to get past me-OK. However this keeps happening. Then another colleague, who is quite senior in our establishment, actually grabbed hold of my behind to move me out of the way when I was talking to a customer.

I feel ashamed to share this because some women I have talked to about this have basically said “well your a guy, you probably love it” The truth is I like having compliments sure, like any guy or girl. But when you are being stared at, and laughed like they are doing, then you start to feel self conscious. It isn’t fun for me, not at all! I even reported these things to senior management. The manager said “Oh well, Aaron, you are a man, you can take it.” Then she started laughing!

I know that maybe many people will think that, as I am a man, this is all okay. I am “Fair Game” because I work in a female dominated environment. And I am indeed a strong man. I do weightlifting as a sport–if I look at MEN, they’re intimidated. So, I feel I just cant defend myself by glaring or being even slightly hostile because I am a man in a woman’s world here. Like me, so many men out there feel embarrassed and that they can not control anything that happens to them. I am trying to take control finally now. I am now talking to people about this situation, and am getting help with it. Men can be harassed too!

Men can be harassed by men or women. You don’t have to just accept it, especially in the workplace. A man is not less of a man for being upset by this type of behaviour. A man does not have to accept sexual advances or harassment from ANYONE just because he is a man. Harassment or abuse is just that. It is not conditional upon RACE, GENDER, STATUS, AGE, or SEXUALITY.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 at 8:47 pm and is filed under Sexual Harassment in the Workplace, Sexual Harassment of Men, Dispelling Sexual Harassment Myths, Sexual Harassment by Women. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

2 Responses to “Pressures sometimes even men have to deal with”

joanie Says:
October 21st, 2006 at 10:45 pm
These women sound even worse than some of the men I’ve worked around in a male dominated trade. They are being abusive and unprofessional and you did the right thing in reporting them, although the manager sounds just as dense as they are.

Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.
Ocelot Says:
February 26th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
Female-dominated profession is not an excuse to harass men. My husband is a librarian and hasn’t had any problems. He tells me that if he worked with women who talk dirty, he would initially find it tittilating, but it then it would make him uncomfortable. At one job, a woman used to stare at him and the other men– that made them uncomfortable.