Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

“This guy insisted it was all a joke.”

Diedre, New York

I recently transferred to another location but in the same profession. I work in a male dominated profession (law enforcement) so I know how to be one of the guys and take things in stride. I look at it like, I can joke and laugh w/ the best of them but once it is directed at me that’s where I draw the line.

Well 9 months after my transfer I began to talk with a co-worker about things and interests we have in common. We are both sarcastic so we could joke like the time and keep work fun. One day I ask him to come where I am standing to show him something. He comes up from behind me and literally falls on me, his chest to my back. I crumble under him, trying to keep my balance and tell him to get off. He laughs. A few weeks later he tells me he likes my perfume and then attempts to kiss me. Kiss is an understatement. I am so disgusted w/ his attempt that I clench my jaw shut so his tongue, which he is trying to stick in my mouth, is now licking my teeth. I was devastated.

I went to a supervisor, reported it but figured I would give him the benefit of the doubt. This guy insisted it was all a joke and he would do it to anyone in the department. I had asked the supervisor to not tell anyone else as I thought this guy royally messed up but would figure it out.

I was wrong. The comments died down for a short time but then picked up: “We are going to have sex, “we are going to have good sex because you are angry at me,” “Well you know what they say about black men and their penis size,” “I got wood”. It continued on every so often, sometimes in private sometimes in front of other guys.

I got fed up and reported him. Now I am in the middle of an investigation and want nothing more than to get out. I feel as if they are trying to prove I am a liar, I feel like my co-workers aren’t supporting me although they encouraged me to report it. I am lost, tired, lonely, and scared.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 30th, 2006 at 9:59 pm and is filed under Sexual Harassment in the Workplace. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to ““This guy insisted it was all a joke.””

Sharon, New York Says:
September 25th, 2006 at 5:31 am
     I know exactly what you’re going through. I transferred within the corporation I work for last fall, only to find myself being sexually harassed by one of my co-workers, who I’m told did the same kinds of things to others before me. He just gets transferred with no consequences, and I had to out on leave because I got first physically, then emotionally ill. I’ve since learned that migraines, lower GI problems, and insomnia are all common problems for people who have been through this; I’ve got them all. My supervisor actually told me that I just had “to get over the whole thing, move on and forget about it”; and he is the father of daughters. The one time I stood up for myself I asked if he liked behaving like Cardinal Law. He actually thought it was funny and laughed out loud; he didn’t even try to deny what happened.
     The abuser, my supervisor, and the HR representative all did their best to make me feel violated all over again. I’m in the same place you are; filed a complaint with the EEOC and am now being hung out to dry. They do their best to invalidate you and what happened, to sweep it under the carpet and blow you off. If that doesn’t work, they make it virtually impossible to do your job. You are made out to be the crazy, incompetent, complainer; someone who’s labeled a trouble-maker and it’s all from just standing up for your own humanity. I have barely been able to function; I am so torn between fighting the good fight and just running away. I don’t think the system is very helpful in these situations. They want “witnesses”, but not all abusers are dumb enough to violate people in front of others. I just wish that people weren’t so scared; there are so many victims who will not come forward because they are afraid of losing their jobs.
     I hope you find some peace in knowing that you are not alone in your feelings because you are not. Try to find ways to stay connected to your true, authentic self, and find your truth; you may be exactly where I am; wondering how come so many people tolerate this kind of abuse, know it happens, and won’t lift a finger to help you. Stay strong and keep talking about it.