Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

I’m worried that this is going to escalate

Evan

I’m a male and a junior in college.

Well, my freshman year I started receiving email from a girl who seemed to recall seeing me several times. I replied politely but thought her behavior was rather odd. Without me having said little more than a short email response, she was giving me gifts– which included long (around 4 pages worth) of letters. The only way she knew me was from the commuter lounge– a social place on campus that I would go to hang out with my friends at lunch, though I never spoke to, or even acknowledged her before or after the email. I found it weird that she would never talk to anyone. She would just sit in the corner and stare.

During summer, she looked up all of my online information (via myspace), and without solicitation immediately started confiding in me how she thought everyone talked negatively about her when she wasn’t in the lounge. I politely tolerated the online messaging for about a week before I told her to leave me alone. She did. My sophmore year was much the same as my freshman– I went to the lounge during breaks to be with my friends, while she just sat by herself constantly. Again, I made no effort to speak to, or acknowledge her.

Things were good for a while until half a year later I found her waiting for me at my car with a Christmas gift. (How she knew what I drove is beyond me). Keep in mind, I never spoke to this girl at all since I last told her to leave me alone. Her gift included food and another drawn out letter explaining what a great person she thought I was and how much God loves me. Clearly from reading it, she didn’t know me at all and I’ll admit that I’m outspoken and obnoxious in the lounge when I hang out with my friends– hardly a “good person”.

The rest of my sophmore year concluded without incident, but at the start of my junior year (this year) she started messaging me on myspace again. I politely responded to her compliments with a simple “thanks for the kind words” which I regret doing. The messages came daily after that until I again told her to leave me alone. I explained that I was uncomfortable and found her behavior to be weird. Her reply accused ME of being the stalker, and she recalled the exact dates and times over the course of the past 2 years of every time she thought I looked at her, or smiled at her. Her message was literally things like “and on March 2nd I held a door open for you and you said ‘thank you’ and gave me a huge smile that hinted that you were interested in me.” There was even evidence that she was eavsdropping on my conversations with my friends from across the room– she said in the message that I “made it a point to say several times in front of her that I was having problems with my girlfriend” even though it was quite clear that I was saying it for the benefit of the cute freshman who was sitting right in front of me, NOT for the silent weirdo in the corner listening in.

So contact with her ended, and about a month later my friends (namely 3 of my female friends) complained about this girl following them to class and sending them angry messages online… in the message this girl actually started referring to herself in the 3rd person and inserted her name into bible verses.

Well now Christmas has rolled around and I’m receiving annonymous letters in the mail– unsigned cards without return addresses. All of the letters have contained hundred dollar bills (despite my family’s reaction, I’m really not happy about). I asked around and it isn’t any of my family doing this. However the most recent card was hand written very poorly (looks like a right handed person tried to write lefty). There was a brief note inside and after reading it, there’s no doubt in my mind about who it came from. But I have no idea how she found out my address or information. She also made mention that my birthday was coming up… which worries me. I don’t want her to have my address, and the fact that she does is pretty scary.

I sincerely want to know what others think about this. My family thinks its funny, but I’m fearful that this will escalate. Am I crazy? Am I overreacting? What should I do? There’s never been a threat made on my life… but should I report this? Is this even considered stalking, what she’s doing? Is this going to get worse, and how do I make it stop?

I’m not a vulnerable guy– I’m a criminal justice major, I’m ex-Army ROTC, I own fire arms, and I’m trained in self defense. I can protect myself. But I DO worry about the safety of my girlfriend, my friends, and family– the people I can’t protect all the time.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 11th, 2007 at 7:12 pm and is filed under Sexual Harassment in Education, Stalking, Sexual Harassment of Men, Sexual Harassment by Women. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

10 Responses to “I’m worried that this is going to escalate”

Suzanne Says:
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:22 am
Hi Evan,

This girl sounds lonely and introverted and would probably benefit a great deal from counselling, however, that’s an issue between her and her doctor. It sounds as though she is obsessed with you and is stalking you. Even though you believe yourself to be ‘not vulnerable’, your mental well-being at least is being jeopardized; if it wasn’t, you wouldn’t have spent the energy seeking out this site or writing your entry. If this girl persists in pursuing you, you may find yourself forced into a position of having to ‘pursuade’ her to back off and this could make you look like an aggressor and her the aggrieved party. If you still have the items that were sent to you, I would advise contacting someone at a law center and showing them all that you have. They could advise you on legal procedure.
Bibi O Says:
January 25th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
I would advise to go to your local campus victim advocacy center. And file a no-contact statement, or if you think you are really in danger a restraining order. Im training to be an advocate for victims. Please do not talk back to her and file a no-contact statement its your best bet. God bless.
Evan Says:
January 28th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Thanks for the advice, both of you. Thankfully I’ve not come into contact with this girl at all this semester. Suzanne, in response to your reply- I do still have the messages she sent me, and my friends who she’s been hostile towards kept their messages as well. I also hung onto the cards and money she sent me. The problem is that there is no actual proof that these cards are in fact coming from her (though from the notes, I’m positive it’s her). And because she never signed these cards, to police it just looks like she’s left me alone since the last time I told her to back off. Otherwise, it’s unsolicited money with no owner and the authorities are just shrugging it off with “I wish I had a stalker sending me money”. I know that this is a problem that I have to deal with alone, but at least my trusted friends are up to speed on this incident and can vouch for me. Otherwise I feel like I’m sitting around waiting for this to either stop or escalate… and I dont like it.
kimmi Says:
February 2nd, 2007 at 6:49 pm
this chick is most defenitly stalking you, you should take it very seriously. A very large percentage of stalking cases turn into homicides. Just take everyhting you hve to the police, you dont want this girl to show up in your house with a gift and a letter.
Evan Says:
February 4th, 2007 at 10:36 pm
I know things like this don’t end well which is what makes this so scary and surreal. And the fact that she’s overly religious terrifies me (not to put down people of faith by any means) but this girl is always talking about ‘divine plans’ and how ‘God has plans for everyone’… which seems like its her way of basically saying “I’m not responsible for my own actions.” And the worst part is that she knows my address. My home has always been my sanctuary. No matter how weird this girl was when I was at school, I always knew at the end of the day I’d feel safe in my personal dwelling; but now because of her actions the sanctity of where I live feels violated. I do NOT like her knowing my address. And thanks to sites like mapquest, it would take nothing to get driving directions to my house if she already knows the address.
Michelle Says:
March 14th, 2007 at 6:50 am
It sounds like erotomania. Where the stalker believes that the person they are stalking is in love with them. A good read on erotomania is a book called “I know you really love me” by Doreen Md Orion. The author is a psychiatrist, and it is a true story about what happened to her.

You should definately take some course of action, the sooner will probably be the better. Good luck.
lacey Says:
April 14th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
hey evan.
thats so scary and im sorry this has happend to you. i dont know what i would do if i were you. i mean it sounds to me like a hudge deel so i would let the police know…but then i would feel like i was over exagerating. i would move again and if she finds the address again i would deffinetly tell the police. just hang in there and hopefully she leaves you alone. good luck evan!
Brandi Says:
May 10th, 2007 at 10:15 am
the police can anylize the cards and the letters to compare the writing to see if it was her. Also they have to investigate it or they themselves are breaking the law. which means they could be possibly outting a civilian at risk of being harmed.
The other thing is I would report it to someone, because it sounds like she might be the type who will report you if she makes a move and you don’t accept. By making a move I mean a sexual move. If you don’t accept and she files sexual harassment on you, then the police would rather convict of it then convict a girl of it. My brother-in-law is in that situation right now and is spending time in jail for it. so be careful and hope it works out for the best.
Kelly Says:
June 14th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Hey Evan,

Keep everything documented with dates and times of what this girl is doing. If you have to make a police report of her stalking then you have your ducks in a row. I don’t care if you know how to defend yourself physically but it’s the mental strain that is hurting you. I feel that this girl could start out hurting the people closest to you. Start by reporting her to the school and go from there. Stalking is nothing to take lightly so please don’t. Take care and let us know how it is going. Good luck!
Claire Says:
December 4th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Evan,
As a counselor in higher education and a domestic violence professional, I URGE you to talk to campus security about this as well as you local law enforcement agency. Go the Stalking Resource Center for more information about what to do in this situation. It is www.ncvc.org/src This girl absolutely is stalking you; even if they are anon letters, the police do have to look at the evidence. Depending on what state you live in, consider getting a no-contact order. Unfortuantely, because you are male, the system will likely balk at your story and at your requests. But since you are pursuing a CRJ degree, this is ironically what you are studying to eradicate; CRIME. Best of luck.