Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

I was told to work with him or leave

Jeannette, Florida

I am a 23 year female living in south Florida. I endured 5 months of harassment before I turned the creep into my managing director.

It started with him telling me how beautiful I was and how pretty my eyes were and how he loooooved “fluffy girls.” It then evolved into him telling me I looked just like his wife and how he wanted to leave her for someone who looked just like her.

He used to tell me I needed a black man “in me.” He would lick his lips, look me up and down, tell me to do a spin for him so he could look at me. He would call me and tell me he had a crush on me, and the list goes on.

I told him several times that he was making me uncomfortable and he needed to stop. It was finally when I was required to go on client visits with him that I spoke up.

At first my manager was very supportive and said he would back me up %100. This was not the case. Once HR was involved it all went downhill. The asshole lied, other people who were interviewed by HR lied and said they hadn’t heard anything even when I know they did. They even apologized to me later for lying.

I couldn’t believe it. I felt my world was over. I was accused of “playing games” and was told to either continue working with him or leave.

My first reaction was to leave. But I am far too stubborn to let him win.

It’s now two months later. I have good days and bad - today is bad day. My anxiety is sky high and I can’t focus on work today. It is just frustrating because its a “he said she said” situation, so nothing could be proved.

Therapy definitely helps and so do blogs like these. It may be cliche to say, but it does feel good knowing I’m not alone in this.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 25th, 2007 at 3:54 pm and is filed under Sexual Harassment in the Workplace, Retaliation, Backlash, and Victim-blaming, Health Effects, Formal Investigations and Litigation. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

6 Responses to “I was told to work with him or leave”

Jennifer Says:
July 28th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Hi, Just wanted to let you know I read your story, and am glad to hear for one you reported what was going on,,,(that is tough!) and to continue working with this guy. It is incredible to think that guys can get away with this, and they think you will not say anything. Do not be weak!! Be strong, stand up for yourself, and do not tolerate the bullshit! You have to look out for yourself, and do not be put down by those kind of guys. Congratulations on holding your ground, I am enlightened by your story.
joanie2112 Says:
July 29th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
It is sad that you were put through such a sickening situation. You aren’t alone by a long shot. Within the last year I had a foreman Sexually Harass me at work. He and my general foreman lied about it. It is hard to be in a work environment devoid of comaraderie and trust. The guy is a creep and a race baiter.
Nora Says:
July 30th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
I too am in a similar situation. HR believed me and punished my boss. But I still work side-by-side with him. And he hates me. And his new boss is now in his pocket. I’ve heard the phrase, “If you don’t like it maybe you should leave,” from them more than once. My boss lies about me to my co-workers and tries to isolate me. He assigns me to less desirable positions after I’ve been in the same position for 15 years. I too suffered from anxiety and went on medication and went to therapy. I thought everything was going to get better but it’s kicking back up again pretty bad. The hatred doesn’t subside. But if I go to HR again it will start a huge firestorm that will affect a LOT of people.
SM Says:
September 16th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
I am in the same situation. I filed a formal complaint against my supervisor. He has pulled my hair, rubbed my neck, make lude comments, and the list goes on. I was supported by my next of chain in command, then later told that I needed to understand that my supervisor did not realize that what he was doing was wrong, because where he came from, people just did not have the same ethics athose of us in East Texas. That is a huge crock of shit because this man has lived in East Texas for 20+ years. People know when they are doing someting wrong.Men will stick together no matter what. It is still a man’s world, career wise, and we are forced to fight. I done all of the proper documentation, other employees verified my reports, and wrote their own reports.They even witnessed some of the things he was doing to me. After I reported it, the Policy states that HR had to be notified, and so did EEO. There was an EEO investigation, but no one ever talked to me or any of the other employees about any of this.He comes to work every day smug as hell, and all but touches me.He stares across the office at me and rubs his penis, but what can I do? Camers and tapes are not allowed into prisons. He is a sick man, and a sexual predator.I done my documentation well enough that the company could not move me without me filing retaliation. I refuse to leave my office. If I do, then he has won completely.Not only has he won, someone else will be subjected to the same situation. Because he is a pervert, I know he will screw up again, if not with me, with another employee. I want to be there to see it all happen, then I will be the smug one. I refuse to let him intimidate me, and I document every day. Remember, if you do not have dates, times, and very explicit explainations, you are stuck.
If you find yourself in the “stuck” situation, don’t give up. He will screw up again, and then you will have another opportunity. I done what I had to for myself and my co-workers.And, most attorney’s will let you have a free consultation. talk to one. No one should be allowed to get by with this type of behavior. Record him when he calls you.DOCUMENT!!! That is the key. The next time you report this, have it in writing, and pass it to all of the supervisors. Don’t stop with one or two.Call EEO yourself. Talk to the other women you work with. Stand together. I am sure if he is doing this to you, you are not the only one.
Remember, don’t give him any leverage over you. Stand strong, smile and it will piss him off even more. Don’t say or do ANYTHING unprofessional.Keep your head high woman!!! You have already proved you are strong, because I know from experience that it takes alot of guts to report it. And after you do, everyone looks at you like you are the predator. If he is a black man, he will most likely continue to get away with this type of behavior, but you can make his life hell anyway.Personally, it has become my first and foremost goal in life to make my boss uncomfortable. He has no balls, or he would not messing with people the way he does. And I mostly feel sorry for his wife.
Again… HAng in there!!!!!
SM
ea Says:
October 23rd, 2007 at 6:22 pm
I have been harassed for over a year by my boss. It took me a little while to realize that his comments went from positive, to talking about my body, my clothes, buying me gifts (big and little), touch my hands, neck, kissing my the back of my head to finally lying to me to get me to meet him at work when he kissed me repeatedly. I am a strong, young intelligent person. I had even told my husband about everything and he did not even see it for what it was. I am beating myself up for being flattered in the beginning. This happened so recently. I broke down with my husband, told someone at church, had a lawyer and went to the boss’ boss within 36 hours. My boss knows I told and broke down blaming himself and his upbringing. I have not been allowed to tell anyone b/c of who we are in a small community. My husband, the church person, the lawyer and top boss have all been in communication with each other, but NO ONE is talking to me! I am trying to find a counselor. I feel like I am going insane! It does help knowing that you all have been there.
Thanks for sharing!
Jade Says:
March 22nd, 2008 at 8:06 am
I’m in the same situation now. Im 16 and i am working at a take-way place. My boss started saying i was pretty and stuff then he started touching my neck,Kissing my cheek felling my arse and holding my hips. Im am so scared seeing as im only young and this is my first job. Im going to quit as soon as i get paid tonight, But what can i do because i dont think he should get away with it that easy. It seems like im the only one who can see what hes doing. Am i crazy?

I read your story and felt sorry for you, you have the gutts.
If you would like to get in touch with me then email me at jadie14@hotmail.co.uk.

Thanx x

I was told to work with him or leave

6 Responses to “I was told to work with him or leave”

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