Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

I am not fighting this only for me

Laura

I was sexually harassed by a man, my boss, whose license plate read The Big Dog. His wife was the HR Manager. He was my husband’s boss as well. Sounds pretty incestuous I know and there was certainly a conflict of interest. This is probably why I didn’t report it for months. I just took it, thinking, hoping, and wishing it would stop and he would go away. It never did, and it only seemed to get worse.

Initially it began as suggestive comments. On one occasion he told me that I should not wear the pants I had on because it “doesn’t show the real you.” He told me he saw a pornographic movie with a woman who looked like me and now he “could imagine.” These were the comments I tried to avoid every day.

Eventually, the harassment became threatening. I asked to take some time off for Christmas. He asked “what are you going to do for me?” At the time, I thought he was joking. When I went back about two weeks later he stated “This is a conversation we’ll have to have outside of work.”

Soon, it got to the point where he had my husband working late so that he could try to get me out to a bar.

When I finally did report it to the National Director of Human Resources, they moved him out immediately and told me I would never have to work on the same property with him again. I believed them…until two months later when his wife was still there, his office was kept exactly as he left it and I was demoted.

I immediately went to see a lawyer. With all the fear, doubt, and confusion in my head and in my heart, I knew I could not let this man get away with this.

I soon found out that I was the third woman within a 5 year period that made a formal complaint against him to the corporate office. I was also just another that was demoted and pushed to the point where I had to resign.

That was two years ago. I have been dragged through a long and painful process to determine probable cause so that I can move forward with attempting to sue for damages.

And there certainly are damages. I took a huge pay cut and my marriage fell apart. I had bought a house when they transferred me from one state to another. When I left and moved back home to my family, my house sat there on the market for almost a year.

I am just sick over the whole thing. And the really sad part is that this man still works for the company while I am missing my job every day.

I know what some people think about women who claim sexual harassment. I am an educated, professional. I am a psychotherapist and know all about boundaries. I work with adolescent males and do everything in my power to present as androgynous. I’m sure this made it more of a challenge to the Big Dog.

The good news is that probable cause was found, but I can’t let out a sigh of relief just yet. This is just the beginning of a battle that I intend to fight to the end. I hope it settles out of court but if not, I welcome the opportunity to sit on the stand.

The fact that he did this to me and that the company punished me for going after one of their good ol’ boys is enough for me to know that it will stop here. My mission is to make sure he never does this to anyone again and that no one ever has to pay for this bully. I will take this to the ends of the earth to put a stop to him and to become a voice for woman who have had this life altering experience.

But don’t let my motivation fool you. This is two years later and I can still cry at the drop of a hat. I hate the word “victim.” Still, just the thought of what happened to my position, my pride, my confidence, my self-respect and losing my faith in humanity is enough to keep me going.

My message to all women who have experienced this…although it may seem that there is more to lose if you speak up: take the chance. I am willing to bet somehow, some day, it will all be worth it. Your emotional well being is worth more than any job ever. If you’re not at that point yet, then PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE. Consult with an attorney, call the EEOC or the state commission on human relations. And document!! Document everything. I journal write and my documentation is so detailed. Still, I wish I wrote more at the time but it’s hard to see clearly through all the tears. Use this site. It’s amazing. I wish I found it sooner. And reach deep down inside yourself to find your feminine strength and use that for courage.

Like I said, I’ve only just begun to fight this battle but I am not fighting this only for me. I am fighting it for anyone who has been targeted by a workplace predator.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 14th, 2007 at 1:32 pm and is filed under Sexual Harassment in the Workplace, Effects of Sexual Harassment, Formal Investigations and Litigation. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to “I am not fighting this only for me”

susan matthews Says:
September 8th, 2007 at 8:08 am
I am soooo proud of your courage, as I am facing the same problems, but they have not progressed to that point yet.I expect that they will, and I refuse to back down to anyone. I have 16 years in my job, and an impecible record, with excellent evaluations, and promotions.I only reported my documentation yesterday, and I have already been told that if I discuss this with anyone, that I would definately face diciplinary action.
All of the women at work know what I have been through, so how can they know waht was previously tomy report? I don’t know, but I expect them to use it against me.
I refused to allow the company to move me from my office or the building that I work in. The reason I insisted on this is because they would only put another woman in there, allowing him to have another victim. I can face him, and I am never going to let this man be a threat to me or bully me. It took me some time to get angry, but I have reached that point, and as crazy as it sounds,I will fight to the death for what I believe in.
I cannot stress enough that if this is happening to anyone, male or female, please. please keep a journal,and document in it every day. Time has a way of letting us forget things, and documantation is crucial.

SM
susan matthews Says:
September 9th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Well, it is a new day, and a Sunday. I have heard from the Supervisor that once again I will face diciplinary action if I discuss this matter with anyone, inside or outside of work. Exactly what is a person to do? Remain silent forever? Perhaps this is a formality and a Policy, but I am sure it is not the LAW!!
I was told that my direct supervisor, the pervert can be expected to “appear” sterile and “unfriendly” during his adjustment period. This looks to me like a green light for him to behave in practically any manner he wishes.
Still, I will be there ( I think ) for the long haul. I will document every unfriendly comment or activity he portrays.I know this is not acceptable, as I have done my homework before I ever reported him, and I know what is allowed and what is not.
I have no idea where my courage and strength came from, for this is a company that is larger than life. I know that my family makes all the difference and gives me alot of the strength. I also think that alot of my courage is from my being fed up and angry. As far as I know, in my 16 years of service, every woman who complained was moved to another area, out of site and out of mind. Thank God that I had enough knowledge to document that I did not want that to happen to me, and that I refused to be moved when I did nothing wrong.
I know that even if I lose this thing, I have given him something to think about, and perhaps I have protected some ladies along the way.
I know this is not my page, or my joural, but if some one reads this, and they are facing the possibility of being forced to pursue something like this, perhaps the day to day things I am writing will prepare them and let them know what to expect, and maybe it will help them get through this.
The best advice I can give, is that if you have to start something like this, see it through to the bitter end.If not for yourself, for others. I knew what risk I was taking when I done this, and I knew I had to do it no matter what the outcome might be.Again, I am here for the fight and I refuse,refuse to let him win this one.
Here are some interesting things I have discovered too. This person used to have a very productive well established business. This was a restraunt that everyone loved to dine at, and the food was excellent. The people who delivered goods to this place completely stopped delivering to them because he would not keep his hands off of the women who delivered the products needed to keep the place open. He filed bankruptcy and went belly up… all because he is sick.
Now, the sickness… makes you wonder hu?
I know this has to be an illness for him and that he needs help. His history is longer than a convict’s rap sheet.This tells me that what I have done will not stop him.That is why I refused to allow the company to have me moved.Why put another young lady in there for him to terrorize? He will get comfortable again, as time has a way of doing that. I will be there to see it. I am a woman with 8 brothers, and 6 step brothers, and 1 sister. I know men!! And to tell you the truth, he is scarry.In one incident, he ran his hand up the back of my neck and tugged on my hair. Most women know what that means. He then bent down to my ear and told me that if I were not so damn sexy and cute, he would strangle me. What is next? Well I am thinking about getting a license to carry a concealed hand gun. I checked out hundreds of profiles until I found the one that I thought best described this man, and read that not only is this an ego boost for these type of men, but that when confronted and put in the area to where they feel threatened, they eventually rape or hurt the component physically.So what now? Self defense classes or martial arts. I will be prepared for what ever comes along. I hate that it has come to this, but I have to be prepared tp protect myself if I need to. The research on line has not been my only source of information, but I have spoken to professionals in the field of profiling these type of people, and they have told me to be extremely cautious of this, as he fits the prototype of this type of predator.
Ladies, that is all I have for today, but.. please if you read this, send up a prayer for me, as I am too deep into this to back out now, and I have to do this for other women. I feel like it is my responsibility and my strength that might keep them safe and strong.

Again Laura, I am glad that I found this page.
SM
sarah smith Says:
September 18th, 2007 at 8:59 am
document EVERYTHING, including interactions with other employees and bosses. it may seem irrelevent now but could prove inciteful later
George Says:
October 5th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Sarah, you are doing the right thing by documenting and reporting what is happening to you. I don’t think it would be worth while to spend time on martial arts, or carrying a concealed firearm. Someone who is dtermined to attack you has had time to plan for defensensive contigencies on your part, and a firearm can always be used againsst you. Sadly, the best defense is avoidance, and you should file an official complaint with your local DA. If you work for a Large firm, communicate to the top, and let then know what is happening Tell them how the activites of this individual can quickly threaten the hard earned organizational reputation. Disclose, dislose.

I am not fighting this only for me

4 Responses to “I am not fighting this only for me”

Leave a Reply

Sexual Harassment Support

Search

Categories

In The Media

Landmark Cases

More Stories

Archives