Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

I feel guilty that this man has gotten into trouble

Kelly, Scotland

This has happened recently in my company. A manager at my workplace has been making very offensive comments to a number of the women at work. Two coworkers have reported him. I didn’t report him because I put it down to his being drunk, even though I was annoyed and uncomfortable with what he said to me.

He has asked one woman what her favourite sexual position is? When she replied ”I don’t want to talk to you about this,” he kept asking her over and over again. He told another he wanted to sh*g them against a wall. Other comments have included, ”Did you have a good sex life with your previous partner? I bet you did have a great sex life with him, ” and ”I want to f*** you up the a*** and c*** over your face,” and making references to finding an alleyway.

When he says these things, he invades your personal space. Yes, this has happened at social events where people do stand closer to each other, there is music in the background. But he stand as close to you and into your face like your partner would.

He stops what he is saying only when somene comes over, or when you manage to get away from him. If you ask him to stop, he won’t until he can see the person has actually gotten annoyed with him. He seems to like to make us uncomfortable and angry.

Yes, this is all very vulgar of course, but is this something that someone should brush off?

I am very confused and now feel guilty that this man has now gotten into trouble over it all. The reason why I talk about feeling guilty is because these incidents happened when the man was drinking. When he is sober, to my knowledge, he has never acted that way and is a nice guy. I should also state that he is a manager in a high position at the company (and the manager of the girl who complained).

Why do I feel extremely guilty that he is now in trouble. He did make me feel uncomfortable. Can the above comments be brushed off? Why do people who he has said this to now feel guilty?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 4th, 2007 at 3:11 pm and is filed under Sexual Harassment in the Workplace, Effects of Sexual Harassment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “I feel guilty that this man has gotten into trouble”

Joe Ramos Says:
September 28th, 2007 at 10:35 am
You should not feel guilty about anything, like help there for you, but, what happened to your boss (manager) is what needed to have happened the first time he crossed the line. Drunk is not an excuse for stupidity, he now will face charges and possible dismissal for his disrespectful behavior. As a manager in an agency that has ZERO tolerance I know this happens and we take care of it quickly, confidentially, and humanely. Being sexually accusted is NOT normal, flirting is permissable, as long as it is accepted by both parties. Unwanted advances after told to stop is WRONG. Good luck.
Ana Says:
November 18th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
I just want to say, you do not need to feel guilty about this man “getting into trouble.” He is an adult and he knows what he is doing! I’m tired of people thinking that we, the victims are getting men into trouble. Remember, reporting reporting harassment is doing the right thing to help and empower all women.
Hold your head high—
Chloe Says:
December 13th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
Kelly, I clicked on your story because I have similar feelings about a situation at work of which I am the only victim. Like you though, I didn’t make the complaint - sombody else saw/heard things that were hapening and reported them. The kinds of comments I was subjected to were far less vulgar than yours. Yet my ultimate manager is taking these VERY seriously. This upset me, but he explained that other people have been offended by what was said to me and that constitues sexual harrassment on them as well!
I’m sure in this case the guy won’t be fired, but the office will be much safer and more comfortable for all the women.
My main concern now is that guys in the office might be afraid to talk to me or have a laugh in case I think they are harrassing me.

Thanks for sharing your story!