Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

The church minister blamed me for all the drama

Marie, South Carolina

I met my ex-boyfriend at church. We went out to lunch. He was very friendly and charming. I did feel uncomfortable when he left at least three messages while I was driving home from our date then he spammed me with emails. I didn’t respond. He kept sending me emails. I finally gave in when he invited me to attend a concert with him. I reasoned that perhaps he was just lonely and was upset over breaking up with a previous girlfriend. He claimed that the breakup was all her fault.

He became more intrusive. Sometimes he would pull in the driveway right after I pulled in. I don’t know how many times I heard,”I was just in the area.”

I finally decided to breakup with him but agreed to just be friends. BIG MISTAKE. He chased me in traffic, contacted the church minister, and continued to email me.

Initially I felt sorry for him. He would walk out of church crying and even threatened suicide.

I finally agreed to attend a meeting with the church minister and him. That was another mistake, as it only reinforced his obsessive behavior.

The church minister blamed me for all the drama. Eventually she did acknowledge that his behavior was obsessive, but she offered very little support and basically advised me to ignore him and calmly tell him to stop.

He continued to harass me, and my friends and family. He contacted my therapist and tried to convince him I was crazy. He also enlisted the help of the minister and support group leader. He vandalized my property and witnesses saw him parking his car in my driveway at night and across the street during the day.

He did not leave me alone until I filed several reports with the police. He moved to another state. He has not contacted me again since I changed my number.

The most important lesson I learned from this experience is to trust my intuition. I still suffer from anxiety but have been making progress. He’s married now and has a kid. I hope his relationship works out and he doesn’t resurface in my life again.

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 15th, 2007 at 6:12 pm and is filed under Stalking. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

7 Responses to “The church minister blamed me for all the drama”

Robin Says:
December 15th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Too scary! It sounds like a lot of people who should have know better have let you down. I am glad that you finally got some closure. Now you can concentrate on healing.

I know what you mean by suffering from anxiety. You said that you are making progress. I hope that continutes. Please make yourself a priority and continue to take care of yourself. You deserve it.
marie Says:
December 16th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
Thanks for your response. I have learned a lot from the experience. I am also taking karate. Taking karate has helped my self confidence tremendously. I”m a red belt now. I have been going to another church and am making some new friends.Things have gotten much better!
Lynn Says:
December 28th, 2007 at 2:24 am
I have been experiencing stalking as the result of a church affiliation. I had attended a local city church for a number of years. I worked on auxiliaries faithfully. I decided to leave this church. It was after my decision to leave the church when I began to notice weird things such as unwanted approaches at almost every place I went, home breakins, defamation of me to others, etc. I am seeking a private investigator to investigate some incidents I’ve experienced. I’ve suffered attempted ‘hit and runs’ in isolated places, name calling, etc. Although I am 90% sure of who this person is, I need to be able to substantiate evidence in order to seek legal help. Do you know of any private investigator that you can recommend?
marie Says:
January 9th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Hi Lynn,

I don’t know of any private investigators i can recommend. I sought help from law enforcement. Also, documenting every incident was helpful. Your situation sounds a lot more difficult than mine. I knew the person stalking me and knew something about his history. He did have a criminal record. I hope you can find some helpful info about a private investigator. Good luck.
marie Says:
January 13th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Just recently found out that the facilitator of their Buddhist meditation group is a registered sex offender. I had a funny feeling about the group after his rhetoric about why our society has too much empathy for victims. I’m glad i stopped going there. I’m afraid for the children. The minister just doesn’t care about keeping her church safe. I think Pandoras Box has just been opened.
nikki Says:
January 18th, 2008 at 10:10 am
wow i cant believe the church blamed you wow suprising well atleast he is gone ya be more careful next time
marie Says:
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Thank you Nikki. The people at the UU church near where I live have learned the hard way that getting involved in a stalking dynamic is not a good thing to do. Those people have turned against each other. The last time I went to the church the minister who will be leaving soon wrote an article in their newsletter about all the conflict the church was experiencing. I suspect the same type of drama is going on with different people.

The good thing is the church does finally have a disruptive member policy and a sex offender policy. It’s about time they tried to start dealing with problems. The minister mentioned that another woman there had been stalked.