Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

J Kay    

     I was a firm believer in “it will never happen to me.” How wrong I was.

     I worked for a woman over the summer whose husband was my teacher of sorts. There were occasional inappropriate moments throughout the summer but I often brushed them off as cultural differences as he is European. Besides, he was such a good teacher and our shared passion for the subject made us and my coworkers this fun little unit that could work seriously and then be casual and friendly around one another. For the most part I was very comfortable around him.  He was the only male I ever really trusted with the exception of perhaps my grandfather.

     I returned to school and his wife, my aforementioned boss, asked me to work a few weekends in the fall.   The money was good so I agreed.  Overall, the experience was successful. 

     I had to get up very early on the morning I was to leave.  When I had the car packed and was ready to go, my boss’s husband showed up. I went to say goodbye and as I hugged him he kissed my cheek. I didn’t think anything of it at the time—European—but then he continued kissing me longer.

     I literally froze. He stopped and looked at me and I’m not sure what my eyes were saying but I knew what his were. I turned and left without another word.

     At then end of the lane I unfroze. At first I was excited and then, very quickly, I was terrified. I had no idea how to deal with what had just happened. I should not have been driving but I felt I had to get out of there.

     As I thought about every moment over the summer I wondered if my admiration for him had come across as something more and I found myself feeling guilty that I had led him on. I craved intelligent conversation and positive response and perhaps I had gone too far.

     Later, went I told a coworker she intensified those thoughts telling me that it was my fault and I should never go back. It was a very judgmental response and I was shocked at what she had said.

     So I made an excuse for him. I told myself that I must have been in love with him which is why I didn’t tell him off and I had misled him in some way despite the face that he is married and quite a bit older than I am. I couldn’t trust my own thoughts; I was so upset with myself.

     Finally a family friend asked what was going on and I told her.  She told me that this was sexual harassment.  I didn’t want to think of him as a perpetrator or myself as a victim but the more I thought about it the more I knew she was right and my facade began to fade.

     As my defenses failed, I became a mess. I was embarrassed and hurt by his obvious line-crossing.  I was devastated that I had lost another male confidante.  My respect for him dwindled.  I couldn’t sleep at night because I couldn’t stop thinking about my reaction to just leave. 

     I began missing classes and not turning in homework.   My teachers couldn’t figure out what was going on with such a strong student, and I was unable to tell them as I was humiliated by what had happened and didn’t want other authority figures to know.

     I finally emailed a friend. She was just as upset as I and told me that I “have to have a lot of brave” to speak but that I needed to talk to him.  I needed to speak up for myself and for the company. She was right.

     I have yet to return to my workplace. I need to go back and speak up, not just for myself, but for other young women who work for that company. No therapist can find me that kind of closure. I will be smart about how I do it, what I say, what my eyes say, and how I will react. This time I will be prepared. I still want to respect him as a person and I don’t want to compromise a working relationship. I am lucky to have the flexibility to leave that workplace if I need to and I am lucky that I have a good friend who could offer me the support and insight into what to do. I am far from being alright with myself, with him, and with my emotions but there is hope.

     The stories here give me hope that we can speak up, men and women alike, and heal from the psychological and physical abuses that we face. A part of me is scared to go back because I know now what I face but the other part is strengthened by success stories. I have to be positive to deal with all the negative that surrounds these situations. We live day by day and though I don’t know what tomorrow brings I can only hope that I will come out of this experience a stronger woman for it.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 18th, 2007 at 2:54 pm and is filed under Sexual Harassment in the Workplace, Effects of Sexual Harassment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.