Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

I’d been warned about him

Allison

Up until a year ago, I had worked at a local restaurant where most the staff consisted of men. When I first started, my senior co-worker, Beth, told me to be cautious around one particular guy.

However, since he and I worked the same shift, it was hard to avoid him. We were both polite to one another, and after awhile, became friends.

One night, he had offered me a ride home as I usually took the bus, but I declined.

The next day, I found an unsigned note in my locker calling me a ‘frigid bitch.’ I had no clue it was from him until a week later when he asked if he could practice oral sex with me. When he saw how upset I was about what he said, he quickly apologized, saying it was a bad joke.

Still, he kept making these kinds of comments.

When he got a pay raise that he needed, I hugged him in congratulations. Something felt “off,” at the time, and Beth told me that it looked like he had been feeling for my bra.

I was going to confront him about this at the end of the day, but I didn’t get the chance. As I was taking an order, he came up behind me and unhooked my bra.

It was incredibly embarrassing and without really thinking, or knowing who had done this, I turned around and slugged him. Once I saw who it was, I broke out crying, and ran into the backroom to change. I quit my job right after.

Beth called me that night and told me she had explained what happened to our manager, and asked if I really wanted to quit.

Even though I liked the job, I knew it would be too hard to continue working there even if the harasser got fired.

I guess what upset me most was the fact he had been a good friend.

Now that I’m looking for a new job, I’m just wondering if this is going to come up during an interview and how I should respond. I’m a little ashamed I had that violent of a reaction and hope this won’t affect me getting another job.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 24th, 2007 at 2:47 pm and is filed under Sexual Harassment in the Workplace. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “I’d been warned about him”

Robin Says:
December 26th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
I’m sorry that you have had to go through all of this. It sounds ugly and painful! And yet, I am sort of proud of you for punching him. I wonder what my SH would have done if I had had that automatic impulse?!

I noticed your remark that you missed him as a good friend. Be careful not to confuse what you WANTED him to be with what he really WAS. It could be that he was just softening you up, without any real intention of being your friend. Try reading the descriptions of SHs and see if you recognize him there. There is nothing wrong with grieving that he WASN’T a friend; it is a loss and a betrayal; but you need FACTS now, in order to recover.

I really identified wiht your reaction to the place where your harassment occurred. I don’t know if I could ever go back either. I know that the ’softness’ of your referral may well be a problem to getting another job. I hope that you overcome it. There are more folks out there with stories like yours than you may realize. When you find a boss who has been through the same thing as you, they won’t hold it against you.
C Yee Says:
January 4th, 2008 at 11:18 am
If it wasn’t for the SH, would you have quit? Your friend is obviously backing you up by having told the manager what happened.

If you want your job back, call the manager and ask if they can schedule separate shifts for you and the SH while they investigate the complaint. If these allegations hold up, the company would certainly be concerned with liability. (If you need to speak to the owner or corporate HQ, utter the words “constructive discharge” — just because you walked out under severe and pervasive conditions does not mean you “quit.” You do, however, need to give the company a chance to fix the problem. They can’t fix what they don’t know about.)

I think fighting for your rights is important, but I can’t say it is for everyone. It usually takes more out of the harassed than should be the case. I’d completely understand if you did not want to return. Use your friend as a job reference and during an interview, simply state that you left for personal reasons and that you prefer that they don’t contact your previous employer.

BTW, you have strange criteria for “friendship.” If some coworker asked me for oral sex, . . .well, my reaction is not printable. (If you have those letters, they are extremely important pieces of evidence)

Hang in there. You have nothing to be ashamed of for your reaction.
Sasha Says:
January 7th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
I completely understand where you’re coming from about being upset because he used had been a good friend. Maybe you feel betrayed. Maybe you miss your friend. I feel both of those things myself, about my SH, on top of twenty other emotions.

As you prepare for interviews, think about how you might respond to questions like, “Why did you leave your old job?” and “Have you ever had to deal with a difficult coworker?” You can talk about your situation if you want, but you aren’t under any obligation to do so.

Good luck with everything. And great job punching him.

I’d been warned about him

3 Responses to “I’d been warned about him”

Leave a Reply

Sexual Harassment Support

Search

Categories

In The Media

Landmark Cases

More Stories

Archives