Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

Now that it was happening to me, I didn’t know what to do

Sue

My story happened in 2004, when I first met with my professor. At that time, I was thinking about applying for a master’s program in that school, and he is the chair. He is nationally famous in the field, kind and funny, widely loved by his students. I liked him at first because he had been so patient, and really taught me a lot. He also offered me an opportunity to do an Independent Study with him.

But during that study, everything changed. When we were sitting at the table, talking about course reading, he was always trying to touch me. Then he would suggest we sit on the couch, saying he has a “bad back.” Once we were on the couch, his hand would be in my cloths…

I didn’t know what to do. I tried to avoid meeting with him, but he was my mentor. I thought about reporting him, but I feared no one would believe me, since he is just so famous and beloved. I didn’t even have the courage to tell him to stop even though it seemed so easy to say, and even though I had been an advocate for sexual abuse victims…when it came to me, I just didn’t know what to do.

I suffered through my master’s program, and didn’t tell anyone until I graduated and got accepted by another school to do my PhD in 2007. Only then, did I disclose it to my best girl friend.

She asked me whether I wanted to report him now that I had no relation with him any more. But considering that my previous experience with a stalker wasn’t taken seriously by the university, I decided not to. Plus, I really just want to put that behind me, and never think about it again. Or, just pretend that it never happened…

But it came back. I came back to haunt me. I know we always encourage people to come out about it. But it is easier said than done.

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 24th, 2008 at 4:50 pm and is filed under Sexual Harassment in Education. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

5 Responses to “Now that it was happening to me, I didn’t know what to do”

Robin Says:
March 9th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
I don’t know exactly why reporting is so difficult. I can’t articulate the reason. I just know that it is. It was incredibly hard for me. Yet, I had to in order to recover.

I hope that you do report him. The next woman will have more credibility if you do report. And you will have more peace.
Pam Says:
March 28th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
I had a problem with a professor as well. I know how it feels and I also know how it feels to have your college ignore you. I hope you are doing ok though.
Tiffanie Says:
March 28th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
I know exactly what you went through. I am currently going through the aftermath of FINALLY getting the courage to turn my professor in. As a result, my entire thesis is ruined because he was my advisor and no one else at school could help me with the project. I know my life would have been a lot easier if I had not said anything. I am pretty much ostracized by all of the people who I thought were my friends. However, I find a lot of comfort in knowing that I did the right thing. I could not take one more day of the living hell that I was going through. I was very depressed for a long time after the incident. He said it was my fault because I “looked lonely” to him. I think it’s ridiculous how it takes so long to finally turn someone in and then the system just screws you over .. at least that’s all that happened for me. All they want to do is keep it quiet. No one seems to care about the anxiety, depression, nightmares, etc. that I have experienced because of what this man decided to do. I am glad to know that I am not the only one fighting a battle like this.
Marie Says:
March 29th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
you can do it..reporting him means u save other girls from being harrassed by him..if only people that get harrassed had the courage to do it then many of those harrassment stories wouldnt even happen……we all have to realise reporting is not as bad as some people make it look. if it doesnt work keep trying every1 shud get what they deserve.

gl with that
Bernie Says:
April 26th, 2008 at 11:05 am
I think I know just what you are going through, I also had many similar thoughts to yours like who is gone to believe me? He is so well liked by both staff and pupils. But unfortunately was not aware of the signs, I partially blame the college as I feel that all students should be made aware to recognise the signs of this type of gross behaviour. In my case it has taken me almost two years to expose a nasty piece of work!( my lecturer) but until I did, my conscience was never clear, I never found peace and knew that by not exposing him that i would be subjecting girls to a similar ordeal. That I couldn t live with and I told myself that he may have taken my dignity away but feeling as enraged as I did there was no way that he would take my freedom, of exposing him despite him threatening me, he was just a coward full of corruption and into young girls, a poor excuse for a man! In my case, I did not even realise that I was been groomed at the time as my tutor was extremley charming. We even dated after college, most of my mates thought it was really amusing , unil a friend informed me about the actions and nature of a harraser. I am currtly seeking justice at the moment, don t blame yourself for any of this, as students we are vunerable, but I really hope that you can muster up the strength and courage to report this sleezeball, it may not be as bad as you think. My tutor that I confided in told me that although we were both adults, we were not equals.