I don’t trust my guy friends anymore
Eily, Nebraska
Most of my senior year in high school, I was harassed by a “friend.”
When it started, he would joke that he wanted to have sex in the school’s band room.
I didn’t like it, but I didn’t say anything about it to anyone. I stopped being able to eat like I had before. I lost about 70 pounds during the course of the school year.
By January, though, he had taken to touching me when we were alone, and he would ask me if I would give him a “hand job.” One incident, he cornered me after everyone had gone home after school, and tried to force me to masturbate him.
I tried to tell my friends. But for the life of me, I couldn’t get all of the details out.
In April, though, he invited me over to his house for his birthday. I had been under the assumption that it was really just for his birthday. I was a little surprised to see that none of his other friends were there. At the time, I assumed that I was just the first to get there.
You know what they say about “people who assume.”
We went into his basement. I thought I was OK, because I didn’t realize that his bedroom was in his basement. (I have always been just a little too naive.)
He closed the door behind him, and told me to take off my shirt and pants. I refused, so he started to take them off, pushing me on the bed. He laid down next to me, holding me down so I couldn’t get up. He told me that if I didn’t give him a hand job, he would choke me. The look in his eye told me that he wasn’t lying. After it was over, I got my clothes and ran out of the house as fast as I could.
I ended up going to my best friend’s house. But I couldn’t tell him about it, in the end. I felt it was my fault for going there in the first place. Suddenly, the threat of being choked felt like the worst reason to feel threatened.
I’ve found that I don’t trust my guy friends anymore. My longest-held guy friend invited me to his dorm 4 months after it happened, and I was on edge the entire time I was there, despite the fact that this friend had to be the least sexual guy I’ve ever known. I have had doubts that I was good enough for the guy I want to date now.
I have a hard time now believing that I’m capable of doing anything, sometimes. I feel physically sick whenever he comes into the same room, and I flinch every time I hear the word “molested” (it actually came up when I was watching a Husker game with this new guy. Horrible time to flinch, I would believe).
y you didnt tell your mom and dad about this ?
I should have. I still haven’t told my mom what happened. I have a perfectly good reason for not telling my dad: I don’t trust him. But I was afraid to tell my mom because I blamed myself, I guess. I should have stopped talking to him, I should have avoided him, I should have told him off. Then there’s the fact that his mother was our assistant band director; my favorite class.
You should of pretended to do what he wants and just punched him in the nuts.
I rather like Vik’s idea, im so sorry that this has happened to u though, its so horrable that he did this to u, i wish u all the best and that hopefully u meet a guy that u can love and trust and forget about what that jerk did when ur with the one u love!
you should tell your mom i mean its not your fault that you went over there. just say you were gonna tell him off then he did that to you. but believe me its NOT your fault its all his.
Thank you, everyone, for your kind words. Things have gotten easier. I have finally told more people about it, and they are really careful about the whole thing. For example, my best friend was eating lunch with me when he was joking about being “unwilling” in the context of what happened. This reminded me of that day and I started shaking. Over a year later, and I still get flashbacks.
Intimacy was hard. I’m just talking about hugs and kisses with a guy. Luckily, my boyfriend was very patient, even before he knew what had happened. Now, with only the occasional breakdown (like this evening with my friend), I like to think that I’m much more able to be alone with most guys.
I’ve recently come to the conclusion that if I even suspect this sort of thing will happen again, God gave me four limbs for a reason, and nails, and teeth. I won’t let this happen again.