Porn Friday
CPI
Part of my job as an IT Manager was to monitor Internet usage and conduct investigations when people violated the company policy. The policy – which everyone had to sign – prohibited visiting websites that were sexual in nature.
Over the past 4 years, I have seen more porn than I ever cared to see. We’re not talking Playboy kinds of stuff–this was hard core and disgusting. The VP of HR and an attorney in the Legal department started calling me the “Chief Porn Investigator.” Since I always seemed to find this crap on Friday, they made jokes about us having “Porn Friday.”
My boss was the VP of the IT department and he refused to let me spend the money to buy an Internet filtering solution so I could block these sites. He controlled the budget so there was nothing I could do. It took 18 months to convince the HR and Legal departments to force my boss to spend the money to block porn. They finally agreed when I investigated a fetish freak that visited some of the most vile websites I have ever seen. (One site was called “girlsthatgush.com”)
That was my breaking point. I told them I had had enough and they needed to be careful because they were not doing anything to protect themselves from a hostile work environment claim.
As the Internet filtering system was being installed, I stumbled on my boss surfing teen porn sites. As I did in every other case, I investigated and turned over the information to HR and Legal.
Eventually the CEO decided to let this creep keep his job and I still had to work for him. He apologized to me and said he would never use it against me. When he made that comment it struck me as more of a threat than a promise.
It took about 2 months befor the backlash started. My boss would laugh at me or openly dismiss me in front of my staff and peers. He would walk away while I was talking to him. He put up ridiculous barriers in an attempt to make me fail. One co-worker observed that he was suddenly “overly harsh and critical” of me.
I went to HR to complain so many times that I lost count. They made pathetic attempts to address it, but nothing changed. I quit complaining because it was obvious they weren’t going to do anything about it.
I tried finding another job with no success. I’ve been on anti-depressants and anxiety medicine for 3 years and have come home in tears more than once. I spent many days at work physically shaking due to the stress. The icing on the cake? I was laid off last week and my creepy boss still has his job. I am so angry I can’t even describe it.
They have offered me severance pay but I have to sign away all of my rights to get it. I talked to an attorney and he thinks I have a good case. So, I either walk away from the severance money my family needs now or take the money and let them get away with what has been done to me.
I’m sad, angry, frustrated and scared. My husband has said he will support whatever decision I make. But, deep down, I know he wants me to take the money because we need it. What kind of choice is that? Risk my family’s financial well-being or let them get away with it.
Let me begin by offering you my support and sympathy, as one woman to another. While I couldn’t possibly be so presumptuous as to tell you which course of action is best for your or your family, I can tell you that by getting your story out there, you are helping other people who might find themselves in a similar situation. It still amazes me how so many major companies are willing to risk valuable employees by not bothering to set up a decent internet filter. (especially when some, like My Internet Doorman, cost less per week than a box of donuts for a marketing meeting. Hang in there.
This story makes me sick. I can’t believe this crap still goes on without punishment. I really hope you go forward with this and make sure those (excuse me language) ass holes get what they disserve.
In 1991, Congress amended Title VII to permit victims of sexual harassment to recover damages (including punitive damages) under federal law.9 Moreover, in 1993 the U.S. Supreme Court broadened the reach of this law by making it easier to prove injury.
Update – I made an attempt to negotiate a better severance package for myself because I really don’t want to go through with a long drawn out court battle. I would much rather move past this ugly chapter of my life and leave them to live with what they have done. My request to pay me my 3 weeks of unused vacation time – in addition to the severance – was rejected. I am making one last attempt to get them to understand it’s really in their best interest to get me to sign the severance agreement. If they don’t improve the offer then my next step is back to the attorney. I was ready to sign but their refusal to negotiate makes me even more convinced an EEOC complaint would be the right thing. I don’t think they want the CEO, CFO, CIO, SVP of Legal and VP of HR brought in for depositions. It would make for some pretty bad publicity.
I don’t want to put on any pressure, but I really hope you go to the EEOC about this.
The thing is, they aren’t just harassing you, what they are doing is harmful to other women who work there. Environments that promote the degradation and objectification of women–even in allowing pornography at work–perpetuate discrimination of women.
BTW, I personally have no objection to porn as a media format–some of it is fine and does not degrade anyone. It can even be artistic. But the stuff you are describing isn’t like that.
Are the girls featured in the teen porn sites of age? If not, I would have called the police on the one’s who went to that site.
Can you find anyone else in the company who would join you in filing?
I am currently researching cases of sexual harassment for my postgrad paper and I came across this website in the process of researching cases that have gone to trial and succeeded.
I think you have a really strong case against the perpetrators, particularly given the medical aspects of your story.
Again, no pressure but I think that if they are unwilling to negotiate your pay then they are practically asking for the courtcase to land on their doorstep and I for one will be praying for their demise every step of the way.
Thanks for writing your story. It sounds horrible to go through, and clearly EEOC-worthy. My situation has enough of the same themes to make me feel less crazy. I know for me the conflict, between siging away rights and going to EEOC, is that of the hassle to fight and what evidence do I have, and what’s the likelihood of either 1. getting more money or 2. making a substantive change in the environment? For me, the possibility of more money is minor compared to the question of meaningful change. If I thought this would change the boss or cause him to be replaced so that the behavior would spare other people, I’d do it.
Final update – I forwarded them an e-mail I had sent to the VP of HR a year ago asking how much more I had to put up with before it rose to the level of hostile work environment. They suddenly changed their mind and agreed to pay my unused vacation time. Imagine that? After a lot of soul searching, I decided that it was better for me and my family to take the money and focus on the healing process. I still have some regrets about not filing with EEOC. It was never about getting more money out of them and I know it wouldn’t have resulted in any meaningful change at the company. At that point, why bother putting myself and my family through it? I have considered sending an e-mail to the CFO (a woman) asking her how she could have sat by and let this happen. But again….what’s the point? Her position and income are obviously more important to her than making sure she fosters an environment where women are respected and the law is followed. Sad that there are still women out there that won’t stand up and say it’s wrong – especially women in executive positions. But, I do believe in karma!
If I had to do it all over again, I would have gone to the EEOC a year ago. At least then I wouldn’t have had to chose between paying my bills and forcing a resolution through the courts.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I am dealing with a similar situation, and can tell you it’s hell. The guys just don’t seem to “get it” as to what is right or wrong. It amazes me that they can’t figure that out.
I’ll be thinking about you!!
My heart goes out to you. What happened to you is wrong on so many accounts. As much as I realize you want to put this behind you, I wouldn’t walk away too quickly without considering the leverage you would have by involving the media in a story like this. The fact that you lost your job, in part because you wound up investigating your boss for downloading infractions, in tragic. If you do choose to move on, be prepared for the post-trauma that may occur. I went through a similar situation in a totally different industry, and kept quiet, then became clinically depressed an unable to sleep well for nearly 2 years. I have found staying quiet, even to protect myself, comes with it’s own set of compromises. It’s good you are writing here. You need to voice what happened to you somewhere. I wish you peace.
one more thing … the simple fact that you had to choose between paying your bills and forcing a resolution through the courts should tell you you’ve been wronged in a serious way here. What’s the point? To stick it to the men who waste company time and money, and gain a better financial package for yourself and your family. A lot of companies will back down and settle for much larger money if your talking about going to court and getting the local newspaper involved.
Dear CPI,
Your story is one that I do not have an answer for. Your experiences have brought you such discomfort. The harassment resulted in possible emotional and possibly other damages. The severance pay seems good for your family. Taking this will allow the company to continue allowing this to happen to others. This type of severance pay is a way to keep things covered up and away from the public knowing what truly is happening at their business.
Here is a little true story a large store/pharmacy chain of which I cannot say the name. This pharmacy was underpaying the female managers and treating the females not as well as the lower level male counterparts. The one who was able to prove this wrong doing had a young child. The company gave her over a year’s salary with great medical and other benefits for her and her family, aAs a way to pay this lady manager to not speak of the situation. True she was able to be home with her son until just around the time he started school. The company offered a terrific offer to her knowing what they were doing was wrong, a way for her to keep quiet. They even had her sign forms to keep her from telling others of this situation. You have to look deep within yourself, as difficult as it may be. She took the offer, still the practice remained of treating males better with financial compensation, and other benefits that were not given to the higher up women managers. This incidence occurred around 1990. Maybe talk with a good business/corporate attorney then see which choice is your best rout of action for you to take.
Best wishes.
Success is the best revenge!!! I found an excellent job – at roughly the same pay – with a great company! My new boss is the exact opposite of my old, abusive boss…. kind, respectful, compassionate. I can truly say that I made the right choice to take the severance pay and walk away. As much as it pains me to see them get away with what they did, I know I am in a better place because of my choice to get on with my life. Posting my story here made me feel a little better because I didn’t keep my “dirty little secret” to myself. Maybe others will learn from my story and fight for what is right….before it’s too late for them.
I have been battling in my head as to what to do with the situation I am in at my place of employment. I feel certain that on Monday,June 15,’09, I will be fired from my job of 3 years which I truly love and enjoy, aside from the fact that I have tolerated sexual harassment from one of the two oral surgeons I assist. Because I refused to sleep with one of them ,I have been going through hell and back!! I have missed work more than I normally do due to stress,stomach problems, depression, isolation from co-workers and yes,even suicidal thoughts. My office manager is aware of the issue but, refuses to act upon it; afraid to anger the boss!! Yet, I am the bad guy; the one causing all the problems, missing too much work and so, I need to go..I am a single Mom making $23,000 a year and I’m 55 years old. I cannot afford to lose my job and yet about to have a nervous break-down!! Please someone hear me and help!!!
I was begining to think I had been overreacting till I read your story. I was the admin for the IT department for the company I was working for. Part of my job was to go through emails sent to the employees at the old email address since the company name had changed. The first time I saw a pornographic email addressed to the CEO I went to his assistant to warn her about it because I was sending all his emails to her to have the senders update their contact info. She said she knew about it, that the emails were from a friend of the CEO and that he had asked her if she thought I would see the emails. She said she had told him she didn’t think I was looking that closely at them. I said that I had in fact seen the email and wasn’t happy about it. She asked me not to tell anyone else about it and I didn’t because I figured he would tell his friend to change his email address and I wouldn’t have to see them anymore. 2 months passed and the friend was still sending the emails and I was still seeing them. I asked my supervisor the IT Director to talk to the CEO about the emails and he said he would. Over a month passed and the emails were still coming through. I was frustrated and at lunch posted my frustration on facebook. I never told anyone what company I worked for or the name of the CEO just that it was the CEO. Unfortunately I had friended someone who had just left the company to move back to India. She must have said something to the CEO because that night I got a call from my boss telling me the CEO had seen the post and wanted it removed immediately and that I had violated company policy. The worst part was that after lunch I had sent an email to the CEO’s assistant saying if I had to see one more of the nasty emails I was going to file a complaint. My boss heard me talking to her when she called to get the person’s email address and I forwarded one of the emails to him. He seemed shocked by the content and said he would take care of it right away. The next morning I didn’t even get to my desk before I was told I was fired. The CEO doesn’t like bad publicity for the company. When I asked my boss if he would at least give me a good reference if someone called he said he would and that my work was exactly what he wanted but that he would tell people what I did. He said the CEO hadn’t done anything wrong but that I had because of the facebook post. I didn’t get any severance and am totally broke. I was reading the other peoples posts and begining to think I had over reacted but not I don’t feel like I have so much. Thank you for sharing.