I feel I can’t get angry at him
Rachel, New York
I’m 14, in 9th grade. There’s this guy, “Joe.” He’s in two of my classes.
In one class, he used to have to sit next to me in the back corner of the room where no one could see us. He’d try to touch me, ask me personal questions, try to get me to touch him, and stare at my upper legs. He’d make threats like, if you don’t do such-and-such, I’ll tell everyone such-and-such.
He’s also in my Spanish class, and when we watch movies or work on things together in class, he comes by and starts making sex jokes ‘n such. It gets the guy next to me (whom I have a crush on :P) uncomfortable and he leaves. Then Joe will stare at my upper legs the ENTIRE time. He’ll talk about sex a lot, and I found out he’s stalking me online. He’ll try to get me to touch him, like give me a high five but his hand is down near his legs.
He does all these things subtly, like it’s an accident, so I can’t get angry at him like I should. I ask him to leave and he calls me mean.
I told my mother, she said that this will happen a lot and that I need to stand up for myself.
This is really bothering me! Every time this happens, I end up crying for hours when I get home and am having nightmares about it. I want to ask my friend who sits next to me not to leave if Joe comes by. But I’m afraid I’d be dragging him down with me since he gets uncomfortable, too.
You know that none of this is accidental, so you have every right to get angry at him.
Tell this jerk to back off! Don’t worry about what he thinks of you if you do. He isn’t worth it.
If he continues to bother you, even after you have told him to stop this, try talking to your school counselor about the best way to handle this.
You have a right to feel safe and secure in your own school!
As an adult, I have been recovering from low self-esteem due to sexual harassment when I was a kid. You’re right that this really dents and scars you.
I really disagree with the implicit notion in your mom’s answer that this is somehow your fault. This is very difficult, and can be very embarrassing. But you did not ask for this.
I agree with Jennifer that you need an advocate. Find any adult you trust. Try a social worker at your school. This is legally in your school’s best interest to deal with this. The last thing any school wants these days is to make the papers for hushing up sexual harassment. You made wonderful first step by coming to this website.
I hope you have gone and talked to someone by now about this perverted jerk! I know what its like, and keeping quiet about this kinda shitt when its happening in a school isnt good, let someone know that hes a jerk, let them know how much of a pig he is! And about not wanting to bother ur friend cuz u know he gets uncomforable – dont worry about that, pull them aside and talk to them about it, explain that ur scared and uncomforable when Joe comes near u, and i know if they are ur friend they will stay with u and keep u company rather they get uncomforable or not – friends are friends and true friends will help another friend no matter what to keep them safe – so just talk to ur friend about it, they will understand and help!
My daughter had this same issue in her junior year of HS… she came to me and we decided to go to the school. The school said they are doing the best they could do and suspended the boy. He came back and started it again… this time we went to the police and filed a report suprisingly this brought other girls foward and we all went to court and the boy was expelled and put on probation… dont be afraid.