They said, in our country women do as they are told
Jennifer, Virginia
Beginning the first week of employment until the week I resigned, I was repeatedly sexually and verbally harassed by the co-owner of the business where I was working. (The business is owned by a group of brothers.) Some incidences were daily while others were once every week to two weeks.
He has grabbed my vagina, breasts, kissed me, tried to put his hand down my pants and forcefully placed my hand on the outside of his pants touching his penis. He asked me to go to his home and have intercourse with him stating that he “knew I wanted to have sex with him too,” which was completely false. He has verbally harassed me in retaliation for not having intercourse with him. He has stated, “I hate you for not having sex with me.”
Every time I was assaulted I would tell him to stop but, without hesitation and complete disregard he would continue.
He has assaulted me while I was working however, he was always “careful” when or how he would assault me. The incidences always took place when his two other brothers were not present. He would tell me to come into his office either to do office duties or to work on his computer. Once out of the view of the internal surveillance cameras and in his office alone, he would assault me. This had happened on so many different occasions that I began to refuse to go into his office and was terrified the next time he would ask.
He and his brother both have stated on several different occasions that I am a “stupid American girl.” They have stated that in their country (Turkey) “women do what they are told and if a man wants to have sex with them they do or else.”
I began to become so physically and emotionally ill from the harassment.
Two other employees who had resigned shortly before I did because of similar complaints. One of the other employees informed me that she had resigned shortly before I did as a result of similar harassment issues. She said he “wanted to see sexy pictures of her” and “wanted her to unbutton her blouse so she could look sexy.” She has also stated that he asked her “even though you have a boyfriend, do you still see other men?” She has told me that she felt so uncomfortable going into his office that she would stand in the doorway and refuse to close the door. There have been both previous and present employees who have shared their stories of sexual harassment with me but, NO ONE HAS MADE A SINGLE COMPLAINT!
I spoke with two employees who are both representatives of the Employment Commission and an attorney concerning my situation. The two Employment Commission employees both informed me that this was “not the first time they have heard of this type of complaint against the owners” and that “just about every previous employee that worked for the them who came into the Employment Commission complained about similar issues.” I asked what my options were and was told to “resign, file for unemployment and contact an attorney.”
In short, I have since resigned after working there only four months. I have also filed for unemployment, retained an Attorney, filed a Complaint with the EEOC and plan to take this all the way to Court. I am now 37 weeks pregnant with my first baby girl and am absolutely falling apart.
The employer has now retained an Attorney and is appealing the Employment Commission’s decision granting my benefits. He has also been trying to intimidate both my family and I by following us at public functions. These brothers have been in business for over 6 years.
I am beyond stressed out about this and feel like giving up sometimes, but I have to be the voice for these young girls and women who are too scared to do so on their own. This has to stop! I should be enjoying this time in my life and over filled with happiness at the impending delivery of my baby girl but, instead…I’m up to my ears in Attorney’s fee’s, stressed out beyond belief, jobless and scared to death these guys will get away with this and all will be forgotten. I pray to God every day he gives me the strength to continue to fight for what is right.
Girl I read your story the other night. You just left a comment on my story and it means a ton to hear your words of encouragement (Broken, “Boss wanted phone sex”). I feel like we’re in such similar situations and I feel for you too. I have also gone through two attorneys but I am getting pretty good feedback that the university wants to settle with me. I’m so scared of what will happen if this guy loses his job, but I’m hoping that whatever he does to retaliate will distract him from the other girls that he messes with. I’m trying to find the silver lining in this situation, but that gets really tough at times. I just like to pray that God will give me the strength to get through this and to pursue the lawsuit in the event that they don’t settle. I also pray that God reaches out to him somehow and stops this cruel behavior but I realize that’s a stretch (and I’m sure that sounds weird to a lot of people that I’d pray for this man..I just think that God is the only one that can change him enough to stop him from hurting another young woman…) I hope that you get a positive result from your attorney and the EEOC. We all will get through this at some point, but in the meantime, the support I get from people like you goes so far. Good luck and keep me updated, you’ll be in my thoughts for sure.
You made me laugh with your comment “must be stupid American dollars that you’re making as well” because it sure puts into perspective how much they’ve abused the gift that America has given them. It’s important to keep reminding yourself of the fact that THEY are the ones that have done wrong and behaved less than decent. They need to be reminded that they cannot take the great freedom, economic opportunities, and acceptance America gives them, but insist on reminding women that in their country women are to act a certain way and exhibit a certain degree of subservience. It just shouldn’t work that way (although clearly they are convinced that it does and since they have been getting away with this for so long).
I worry a great deal about how I will react in the event that my case ends up in the garbage and he gets away with what he did to me. It’s the hardest thing in the world to keep your mind away from those “what if’s”, but I constantly need to be reminding myself to think and live in the present. Take things as day to day as you can. My father has always told me to worry about the things that I can control and to keep the things I cannot control out of my thoughts (easier said than done, I know). He is right though. We cannot control the outcome of a lawsuit, but we CAN control our preparation for the suit, the clarity of our testimonies or depositions, and, most importantly, the steps we take to recover from such traumatic and life altering events. We CAN’T control the outcome of these situations, including the possibility that another woman will suffer the cruelty of these men. It’s a hard fact to swallow, but I can assure you our actions standing up to these malicious and utterly sinful actions of these men will benefit someone in the long run. We hope and pray that our courage benefits us AND other women, but I’d settle knowing it just helped future victims.
God Bless and Keep me posted! :)
Y u women cant work in a secure place u know that some thing is happening is really not good ting for u then y were u continuing in that place to work u should have resighned right away y did u continued. Even if u think u go to another place to work if some body is doing in that way u just have some ecuipment with u and stuck him with that next time so u can avoid them if job goes means its not a big matter u could skip to many but ur health is more important
Dear Johnson,
What most don’t seem to understand is the fact that WE (the victims) should NOT be run out of our jobs, loose our only source of income and loose our right to provide for our families because of what THEY are doing to us! THEY do not loose money or their independence, WE DO! WHY???? They could care less if we quit…just as long as THEY are not held responsible in any way shape or form. I’m tired of it, I have had enough and someone has to put a stop to it. PERIOD!
I was appalled to read that not only were they not Americans, but the employement commission giving such little options. These people need to know that in Turkey, it may a norm for them to force women to have sex with them, but they are on our soil now and they must adhere to our laws. Stick with it, maybe you can get their visa’s taken away. You take care of your daughter, your health and the health of your baby is what matters, but I commend you for putting a stop to these foreign idiots. Good Luck
I would like to thank everyone for their support and kind words of encouragement. Looks like we are slowly making some progress with the case but, staying positive is a MUST for me. My daughter was born on Aug. 1st and thank GOD she was healthy especially with all of the undue stress and harassment I was forced to endure while I was pregnant with her. I wish everyone all the best of luck and take care! Thanks again! -Jennifer
I’ve followed your story with concern and great interest. Could it be precedent-setting???
I, for one, am fed-up with the level of tolerance extended to many undeserving foreigners and so-called “citizens” who enjoy the bounty of our great countries without any sense of duty or responsibility to the country and its citizens they are exploiting. Frankly, I would love to see many abusers of the “system” ousted (sent packing, back to where they came from) for not respecting the laws of our fine countries (I’m Canadian), particularly when their violation of our laws have detrimental and life-altering consequences, such as you have described here.
I realize it isn’t just foreigners, and certainly isn’t all foreigners, who break our precious laws, however I also believe that a strong message must be sent to anyone in possession of one of our countries’ passport, visa, work permit, etc. exactly what will not be tolerated. Certainly the kind of violations, attitudes and sense of entitlement described in your submission should be dealt with swiftly and forcefully by our governments.
For my part, I cannot abide anyone in my country who so clearly and boldly mocks the hard-earned rights that our citizens have fought for and that are now written into law. It is an affront to every honest, respectful, law-abiding citizen in our countries to allow people who have been extended the honour of living here to get away with such deplorable attitudes and behaviours toward our people. A strong message must be sent. I hope it is punitive both economically and socially for this disrespectful woman-abuser and his brother(s) if they were privy to it and did nothing about it.
I understand how vulnerable you feel when you rely on your income for your family’s sustenance. While the choices are certainly more limited when you can’t survive without your next paycheque, it sounds like you may be able to muster some support around your case, particularly because there are other issues on the table that really do need to be addressed.
I am with you on this. You and your baby girl deserve to have peace and financial stability – the right to earn a living without vulnerability simply because you are females of limited means. Keep up the good fight. You never know, you may end up changing the way things are done. Wouldn’t that be great!?!!!
Cindy
p.s.
[NOTE TO "Johnson"... Aside from the obvious anger and indignation any self-respecting, law-abiding citizen would feel in this situation, vulnerability is a huge issue here. It's not simple for a single person who must support themselves on a secretarial income and even less simple when you have other mouths to feed as well. Clearly, from your judgmental comment, this hasn't even occurred to you. Where have you been that you are so unaware of this extremely serious dilemma that faces so many in North America today?]