I have been tarnished “a liar.”
Anonymous, Sydney Australia
My boyfriend’s step father has been sexually harassing me for over five years. When no one was around, he would say things like ”You are so good looking. You must have men and women coming onto you all the time.” He would ask about my sexual success and details about mine and my boyfriend’s sex life, whether it was good or not, etc etc. He would leer at me in a sexual way. Once I spilt something on my skirt and he took it on himself twice to brush my skirt off where my vagina is, and not where the spill stain was. When his wife was not around, he would leer and ask if he could contact me by phone. Often he would call me from a club where he sleazes on Sundays.
One evening I went to a Mothers Day party and my boyfriend’s family was there. Later in the evening, his stepfather came up to me and says “You look so delicious, I want to eat you” and leered at me in a very sexual way. As we all left the party together, he put his arm around my waist then quickly placed it on my bottom and started fondling it. I hit his hand away. He quickly put his hand back there, I knocked his hand away again. He asked me again about my boyfriend’s and my sex life, asking if he is a “good root.” Then he asked me if I like it when he (the stepfather) touches me. (I said “No.”) Then he asks me again if he can ring me??
Can you believe it?? I mean is this creep delusional or what?
I had told my boyfriend about his behaviour to me in the past and we decided to overlook it because I did not want to upset his mum. However, after what happened on Mother’s Day, we could not stay quiet about it.
We decided to tell the mother about how her husband was behaving, requesting that we not see him again, and to let her know that we wont stay at their house again if he is there. She agreed with that, and said she did not believe that her husband would try to touch me. A week later, she called us and said he just says inappropriate things when he is nervous in company and that it was just silly nothing. It also came out that he had been getting relationship counselling for the last two years because of the “inappropriate” things he says to women. In other words, she’s minimizing his behaviour. The mother is in denial and condones him.
Later, my boyfriend’s brother tried to convince my boyfriend that I am lying based on a photo of me taken on that Mothers Day night and I am standing next to the stepfather and am smiling. (The photo was taken before he fondled me.) His sister-in-law also said he has not been like that to her and she is having trouble believing it.
So basically the position now is that no one in my boyfriend’s family believes us at all (except his dad and step-mum). I have been tarnished “a liar.” I have told my boyfriend I want nothing more to do with them, its like any bad relationship–you cut it. Its people like this lot that allow sexual harassers to perpetuate. I am sure he wont change and hope he does not do the same to the grand daughter who is just hitting puberty.
My boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend said that when they were going out, the step-father would ask about their sex life. She thought he was a creep and would not stay in the house with him if no one else was there. She totally believes me and is disgusted how they have sided with him as he is sick.
It’s a case of the sexual harassment victim being branded the guilty party and the harasser supported and regarded as the victim!! This whole episode has made me feel very sad. It has ruined my relationship with my boyfriend’s family and I had a good relationship with them!!
I’m glad that you at least have the support of some people on your side, your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, your boyfriend’s father and stepmother, and most importantly your boyfriend.
I am sorry that so many people are trying to put the blame on you. It must be so painful.