He sent me to the hospital after I told him to “Get Lost!”
Worried High School Girl, New York
This past year was my first year in high school. Admittedly I was very nervous about it due to the fact I am a very quiet girl with a few good friends.
Now I’m not quite sure when I started to notice that this boy (whom is 3 years older than myself) was watching me a lot. After a couple of weeks he had found out my E-mail and Cell phone number and was always trying to be in contact with me, and was asking about where I was going and with who. It continued to the point where he left messages playing love songs on my phone, or him saying how depressed he was when he didn’t see my face. I started to really freak out when he started to show up at the places where I was (even my doctor’s appointments).
I was told by my friend that I am too nice because I hadn’t told the guy how much he was scaring me with his questions, and I never told him to go away. Finally I worked up the nerve to tell him I wasn’t interested after he snuck up behind me when I was on my way to the bus, picked me up and started to carry me away! (Boy was I happy my two friends were there).
But he didn’t listen, and he tried to be close to me whenever he could in school. He even dated the girl with the locker next to mine! He left notes in my locker saying he missed talking to me and was always sitting near me or trying to touch my arm.
I got mad and told him to “Get lost!” again.
The very next day I was sent to the hospital due to the fact that in gym class he hit my face with a soccer ball, resulting in a concussion. He told people it was my fault. But after that, everyone in school saw what was going on and helped me to stand up to him (the teachers were close to useless without proof).
Over the next few months there has been little to no contact between us. But last week I got an email from him saying again how much he misses me and how sorry he is. His friends also sent me emails saying the same thing (they had done so in the past, urging me to go out with him as well).
With the new school year approaching, I’m wondering if he will ever go away.
Without proof? My gosh, you had witnesses to all of this, and the school still won’t do anything??? Of course, I shouldn’t be surprised because I hear report after report of schools ignoring harassment and abuse, be it by students or school employees. What happened to you, well, this isn’t “Boys will be boys” stuff here. This kid has more than proven he is a danger to you, and could be to other girls, too. Stay away from him, no matter how apologetic he gets. Also, think about contacting the Department of Education and filing a grievance against the school. What is going on here is very serious, and by law, the school has to deal with it. -Jennifer
Proof! what more proof do they need!? you have witnesses who saw what happened. that’s awful the administration won’t help you. Sad situation that the schools ignore harrassment. This is awful. Just do your best to stay away from this boy.
Whenever i read stuff like this going on, I’m so glad I graduated when I did. getting dangerous to go to school these days. It’s horrible they ‘bullies’ get away with so much nowadays!
that’s very sad for you.
Get the police involved. He’s likely to get more violent if you keep ignoring him and he’s obviously stalking you.
Get the cops involved, because he could wait until you’re alone to ambush you.
I agree you need to stay away from him and file some sort of report at least that will feel like proof because I think you already have proof but maybe not in the sense that you think.
It is hard to be in school around the same people everyday and I too was a very quiet person with few friends and I understand why you didn’t say anything to him at first but with the way he reacted and the physical violence there is no telling what he is capable of doing to you! That is what is scary. And trust me you are still a nice person even if you tell on him. There are so many situations that could be prevented if you trust your instincts and report it to the right people. I know it is embarassing but you have to protect yourself because otherwise no one will.
I agree with the previous responses, however I disagree with your friends’ advice about telling this guy that his behaviour is scaring you. Any admission of weakness will only further empower an individual with this personality type. You’ve been a fighter so far, don’t let your personal power go. You are right to take steps to protect and defend yourself from this sick individual.
I absolutely agree that the law must get involved and charge this guy if it can be proven that there was an intent to harm. If this intent can’t be proven, taking him to court and him winning will only further empower him to behave like this, and possibly worse, in the future. The school must be forced, legally, to take responsibility for failing to promptly deal with this situation thereby causing it to escalate further, resulting in physical harm to one of its students.
I can understand how this escalating behaviour may be increasing your fear and you have the right to your feelings, however don’t allow this guy’s sickness to consume you. Don’t internalize it and begin to doubt yourself or your actions, rather externalize it and express it in positive ways. You have the right to be angry over this situation and the way it’s been handled. If you find yourself feeling angry, harness it and use it to propel you forward to insist that your rights to liberty and safety be respected.
I submitted a comment regarding the post just after yours (I believe the young woman’s name is Maryan, from California). You may find it helpful in your situation as well.
You, too, are a fighter. Don’t ever let that precious part of You go.
God Bless you,
Cindy
Thank you all for your support! You advice is all excellent. I felt i though i should update on the situation in a brief(ish) comment. It is a couple of weeks into the school year and so far…it’s not too much better, but slightly. I don’t see the boy except in the hallways but he always make a poit to cross the hall and stand infront of me and try to talk to me. For the most part i keep my chin up and act as if he isn’t there. Sometime you just cant avoid it though. He sometimes waits outside my bus and just follows me inside, watching. now is talk to my mom at the gas station near my house, where he is now employeed. Also anytime i go the he goes back to the creepy staring thing that he does. The worst has to be what he does to my new boyfriend though. (i have not let him affect my social likfe as much as i can) The boy that i am currently seeing was a new student that i met in hoomroom on the very first day of school. My “stalker” from the past year harasses this new kid and i heard rumors of some sort of fight one day over this past weekend. Both boys were out on monday. i have witnessed several verbal diputes between these two already. it is getting to stressful all over again and that doesn’t even include my school work.
This is awful. It’s horrible that your school refused to get involved when they were witnesses to what happened!
It sounds like he’s not going to stop unless action is taken. Following you around and trying to talk to you when you told him to go away is still considered stalking, and it’s considered illegal. Please go to the police and report everything he’s done to you, and tell them he’s still following you around. Also, I hope you’ve kept the e-mails and voice messages he sent you. If not, if he sends you any more, save them and report every single time he contacts you.
I would also contact the Department of Education and report your school for refusing to take action. It’s happening in THEIR school. They should be responsible for stopping it.
It’s also awful that he’s contacting your friends. Encourage them to file reports themselves. He shouldn’t stalk them, too.
Hahaha, it’s hysterical that he tried to apologize. Usually when the perpetrators are called out for what they are, they are all-of-a-sudden sorry. Don’t be mistaken — his apology isn’t sincere, and he’s proving it by following you around now.
I’m sorry all of this is happening to you. And schools should be safe places. But I hope you can stop this sicko somehow.
This man will continue to hinder your life, and ultimately will take it to the extent until he either seriously maimes you or affects you emotionally until you are an insignificant other, I once told a blind person he wasnt my type, I dont mean racially or anything like that it was more the underlying problem with women and the grovelling and tactile characteristics that were the incesant problems reneging a free relationship and the inevitable empowerment, control and depressive control this indivudual could of had on MY LIFE. Do you know what I mean?