I have lost everything
Sarah, Minnesota
I worked as a night manager for a store owned largely by my sister and her husband. They owned 90% of the business, and the husband’s parents own the other 10%. However, the parents have 100% governing rights over the business, so they had full say over what was done and not done.
In February of 2007 my sister and I flew out to see her husband participate in a car race. The store was one of the sponsors, and we met up with her husband, his dad, and their friend as they had driven there.
We were at a bar the first night and that’s when my sister’s father-in-law started to sexually harass me. He would touch me and ignore my glares and no’s. He would continue to try to grope and I continued to remove his hands. Throughout our 4 day stay he continued his advances. He stood outside my hotel door, trying repeatedly to get in. He spent those 4 days trying and saying whatever he could to get me to have sex with him: my fiance is a loser, he wanted to take care of me, he has all the power in the town we lived in….
I kept myself as protected I could. At one point I hid in the closet as I frantically sent text messages to my sister, asking her to please come help me.
My sister told her husband what his father was doing. But he did not believe it and from then on, both he and his father treated me like garbage. When we got back to work, they tried to cut my hours, tried to cut my pay, tried to make me work alone. Then they began to slander me. They told people I was a slut sleeping around, and that I was a drug addict who never took care of her kids. They even began to spread it around that I had embezzled a hundred thousand dollars from the store.
My sister kept telling her husband that he could not do that and that it was against the law to treat me that way. She told her husband that if he fired me she would just rehire me.
That continued back and forth until the father-in-law made my sister sign some sort of document taking away all of her rights to manage her own business. That’s the day they fired me. On that same day, they took away her power in the store, and changed the locks to the store, office and safe. So, they fired my sister, too.
My sister has since divorced her husband but he still makes her pay for supporting me. It’s just one more thing I feel bad about.
I filed a complaint with the Minnesota Department of Human Rights. After over a year of investigating, they found probable cause for wrongful termination, sexual harassment, and reprisal. I have since released my charge through the state of Minnesota and filed a lawsuit, only to be counter-sued by them for theft of more than fifty thousand dollars.
We are now moving into the deposition phase. I can’t even put into words what all of this has done to my life. The rumors they have spread about me. And his lawyer requesting my entire medical history….
I just want to scream. I didn’t do anything wrong. I have lost everything, my house, car, belongings. Most of all I have lost me in all of this. I feel crazy and scared all the time. I feel broken and lost. I will continue to fight the best I can because I refuse to let this happen to another person. I could write forever on the things that were done and said but this is the short version.
This is an awful story. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this and how personal it was to you and your family.
I know what you are going through with the whole I lost myself thing. I too struggle with who I am and what I am going to do from here. Where to start over when you don’t know where to even start? It is so confusing.
You definately did the right thing by speaking up but I am feel bad that you have had such serious retailiation because of it.
vangogh
I thank you for your kind words. I will continue to deal with their retaliation. They have money and power and I don’t.
I hate how people like that are able to take an innocent person and just crush their life. It has taken me a long time to talk more about it and there are still things that I won’t speak about. I hope someday I am able to feel normal again and start to enjoy life. I hope that you too will be able to find peace in yours.
You have a wonderful sister. It’s great that she’s fighting along with you. Please don’t feel bad about it — it sounds like she chose to help you because she loves you and cares about you.
What these “people” are doing to you is just wrong on so many levels. Has their slander cost you your reputation, jobs, money or anything? If so, you can probably sue them for defamation.
You’re very brave for fighting this. I hope all goes well.
This is a heartbreaking story. It outrages me to think this is still going on somewhere in the world. Stay strong. Know that you deserve justice. Don’t be scared because in the end you still have the people you love, and the ability to start over somewhere else. Good luck with all the legalities. Please keep us posted.
They have cost me alot with their rumors. I can no longer live in the town I used to and I can’t find a job in the area. I drive an hour to work and an hour home. I avoid going in public and always feel like someone is following me. My witnesses just received subpoenas 2 days before christmas to appear for questioning right after the new year. They are still being nasty and trying to make it difficult for me. I fight with wanting to give up but I know that I can’t. They are trying to wear me down and it’s working but I seem to find the will to keep going. I just need to make him aware that you can’t treat people like that and hopefully he never does it again.
Keep going and don’t give up! I’m in your state and you would not believe what I’ve been put through by my former supervisor who is one of the most powerful men in my small town…and the guys all stick together and/or are too afraid to open their mouths. I agree, you have to legally and properly teach these harassers/stalkers that they can’t treat women this way. I was a very, very young woman with much-older man who, since I told him to bug off over a year ago, has made my life a living hell and actually took me to court, claiming I am harassing him. Just a mess. So, GOOD LUCK and I surely hope everything goes okay for you! I had everything taken away from me, too, but it will be worth it for you in the end to have justice served legally. Please be sure you have a fair judge…mine was “in” with the harasser in this small town and he kept me from producing hard evidence in court proving sexual harassment, then said I lied about everything and said I’m the guilty one. Go “Sarah” and good luck to you! Your sister is a very special person to have stuck by you during all this…she did the right thing and that is hard to come by nowadays.
I too am in a small town. Same situation where the money talks. I worry that it may turn out that he has higher people in his pocket. I would love to hear more of your story. We start depositions next month and start trial in April. I hope with a jury I can have some justice. If their is a way you can contact me please do so. I want to in the future start some sort of group to help people in this kind of situation. I want to do something good with what happened. It is a lonely world and I hope that it doesn’t have to be.
Sarah…so sorry for everything that has happened to you. Please keep us posted on the results of your trial!
I settled out of court for a small amount of money and a public apology. He has to write it in the local paper. It was so painful for him to have to write it that he offered more money. I declined more money and wanted the apology. It is set to hit the papers next week. I am glad that it is over but part of me wishes I would have gone to trial. I am now unable to talk of it as it has been settled. If I would have gone to trial he would have been exposed for the pig he is.