It became part of my daily life
Melissa, Canada
When I was in high school, there was a guy who didn’t leave me alone about my body and what he wanted to do to it. He would be extremely vulgar.
I would tell him “No,” but he knew that I was shy and would never tell him off. And I never did. Instead I learned to get used to his constant harassment. Eventually, it became a part of my daily life.
One day at school, he asked me to do something sexual with him (at school!) and of course I said “No.” Him and I were sitting in front of some lockers, so I stood up to leave since I was very uncomfortable with what he was saying to me.
Then he stood up and pushed me against the locker, then pushed me back to the floor. He treated me like I was a doll, pushing me and dragging me closer to him on the dirty school floor.
Bravely, I stood up one more time, and then he stood as well.
He put his hand over my breasts (but without touching me) and asked, “Does this make you nervous?”
I said it really did, and then he grabbed my breasts. The bell rang one minute later and he walked away as if nothing had happened.
I would love to say that this is the end of the story, but it’s far from over. I let him treat me like this for 8 more months. Sometimes things he said scared me, or annoyed me, or made me really mad, but I am not a person to stand up for myself. He tried to get me into his car multiple times, and he would frequently invite me over to his house (bluntly stating his filthy intentions).
I will never be the same person I used to be because of him.
Goodness girl. I know it is hard to stand up for yourself and especially in this situation when you feel threatened by him but in order for you to be the same again you have to have self respect and I think you are loosing yourself by not speaking up.
I hope you do say something or do something for yourself because otherwise life only gets harder.
Please don’t let him treat you like this anymore. I know it is hard and that you are scared but you have got to do something otherwise it may just get worse. He may do something worse than just touching you. I am scared for you.
Please let me know how you are doing?
vangogh
Thank you for worrying about me! I appreciate it. Actually, he is completely out of my life. So there is no need to worry! :)
It was really hard to get rid of him, and even though it was a bit of a violent end to the situation, he’s gone, and now I only have to live with the painful memories.
I’m amazed at the stories I hear nowadays about how boys are treating girls in school. When I was a kid (back in the 70s and 80s) boys didn’t talk like this to girls, certainly not after elementary school. There wasn’t even a problem with wandering hands at parties where everyone was drinking. All the guys were pretty well behaved. (Sexual harassment only began again when we started to get jobs and had to deal with horny supervisors.)
Vangogh is right, you need to learn to stand up for yourself. This guy was a creep, but you will encounter more like him in the world–some you will even work for! You need to learn to set boundaries with people. It’s a an issue of self respect. –Jennifer
I’m glad that he’s out of your life now, but I’m sorry that you have to deal with the memory of him. Schools are supposed to be safe places, but not anymore.
I understand what it’s like being the shy girl. I was one once. I suffered racial discrimination at my school to the point that I wanted to drop out. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to cause trouble. But, one day, something in me snapped, and I began to speak out against the students and teachers treating me poorly. They started to leave me alone.
You have to learn that you have a right, just like everybody else, to be able to go to school and feel comfortable. You have a right not to be sexually harassed and be treated as an object. Once you learn that, you’ll become more assertive, and believe me when I say that it’s a wonderful feeling. Standing up for yourself does not make you a mean or nasty person.
Unfortunately, boys like that are everywhere, so you have to learn to stand up for yourself and fight. But it’s great that you shared your experience here. That’s one step towards becoming assertive — talking about your experiences.