I am a 15 year old guy in the 10th grade.  Ever since the 6th grade, I have been harassed by a female student and a few of her friends, but mostly her.
      I can’t remember when it started, but I do remember sometime in the 7th grade I had to work on a project with her. While working, she took my pen in placed it in her crotch and told me to get it. I just walked away and worked somewhere else and let it go.
     In the 8th grade, while leaving the cafeteria, she and a friend grabbed me in the hall and cornered me.  They groped me continuously, even as other students passed by and some saw. It was extremely embarrassing.
     I told them to let me go but they wouldn’t let me.
     A couple days ago, at a club meeting we both are involved in, while taking a break, she comes over and starts telling me how we go out and how I’m her boyfriend.  Her friends laugh. Then she starts groping and rubbing on me.   When I stand up to leave with my friend, she pinches my butt and laughs.
     These are only a few of many incidents, and I finally had enough. I plan on going to my assistant principal first thing Monday and reporting her. She has made going to school and the club something I dread, and now I have a witness.

     I am 17 year-old male who works at a retail store. They just hired a new employee who is around 50-years-old.
     Ever since she started she had been very crude to me and tried on a few occasions to touch my butt.
     I told my employers that this was happening and they did not do anything.
     Finally, she did smack my butt and I told my employer. Nothing was done.
     When I was standing in a fitting room, she came into the doorway and told me that she wanted to see what was under my clothes. She said thought I had a huge penis and grabbed my front private areas.
     I walked out of the room without saying anything and told the employer. I am waiting to see what happens.
     Isn’t my employer liable because nothing was done to prevent the situation from happening after I had reported it?

I was harassed by a nurse who was doing therapy on my neck at my doctor’s office.   The nurse started flirting with me, touching me inappropriately in a suggestive way, smiling at me in a way to lead me on.  She went through my personal medical records began calling my house and hanging up when I answered the phone.

Other staff members started talking about me and her where I could overhear them.  They even set me up to do more than the 10 prescribed treatments.  The nurse said I should continue even though it was not helping me. I asked her if I needed to talk to the doctor about this and she said she had already.  (The doctor said he knew nothing about it when I asked him later.)

When I complained to my doctor, he would not discuss it with me.  I eventually found out he already knew but had done nothing about it or talked to me about it.

Then the nurse gave my name and address to her boyfriend who came to my house and later called my house and cussed me out and threatened me.

This happened while my father was dying, and I had to have neck surgery right after being threatened.  I became really depressed, almost despondent.

I filed a complaint with the nursing board and nothing happened. The police refused to do anything about it even though I had kept records of the phone calls.

I was asked to leave the practice by my doctor after 11 years.  I am disabled with chronic pain and need medication.  I have no doctor, no medicine and no one to listen to me or anyway to do anything about it.

     I’m a male and a junior in college. 

     Well, my freshman year I started receiving email from a girl who seemed to recall seeing me several times.  I replied politely but thought her behavior was rather odd.  Without me having said little more than a short email response, she was giving me gifts– which included long (around 4 pages worth) of letters.  The only way she knew me was from the commuter lounge– a social place on campus that I would go to hang out with my friends at lunch, though I never spoke to, or even acknowledged her before or after the email.  I found it weird that she would never talk to anyone.  She would just sit in the corner and stare.

     During summer, she looked up all of my online information (via myspace), and without solicitation immediately started confiding in me how she thought everyone talked negatively about her when she wasn’t in the lounge.  I politely tolerated the online messaging for about a week before I told her to leave me alone.  She did.  My sophmore year was much the same as my freshman– I went to the lounge during breaks to be with my friends, while she just sat by herself constantly.  Again, I made no effort to speak to, or acknowledge her.

     Things were good for a while until half a year later I found her waiting for me at my car with a Christmas gift.  (How she knew what I drove is beyond me).  Keep in mind, I never spoke to this girl at all since I last told her to leave me alone.  Her gift included food and another drawn out letter explaining what a great person she thought I was and how much God loves me.  Clearly from reading it, she didn’t know me at all and I’ll admit that I’m outspoken and obnoxious in the lounge when I hang out with my friends– hardly a “good person”.

     The rest of my sophmore year concluded without incident, but at the start of my junior year  (this year) she started messaging me on myspace again.  I politely responded to her compliments with a simple “thanks for the kind words” which I regret doing.  The messages came daily after that until I again told her to leave me alone.  I explained that I was uncomfortable and found her behavior to be weird.  Her reply accused ME of being the stalker, and she recalled the exact dates and times over the course of the past 2 years of every time she thought I looked at her, or smiled at her.  Her message was literally things like “and on March 2nd I held a door open for you and you said ‘thank you’ and gave me a huge smile that hinted that you were interested in me.”  There was even evidence that she was eavsdropping on my conversations with my friends from across the room– she said in the message that I “made it a point to say several times in front of her that I was having problems with my girlfriend” even though it was quite clear that I was saying it for the benefit of the cute freshman who was sitting right in front of me, NOT for the silent weirdo in the corner listening in.

     So contact with her ended, and about a month later my friends (namely 3 of my female friends) complained about this girl following them to class and sending them angry messages online… in the message this girl actually started referring to herself in the 3rd person and inserted her name into bible verses.

     Well now Christmas has rolled around and I’m receiving annonymous letters in the mail– unsigned cards without return addresses.  All of the letters have contained hundred dollar bills (despite my family’s reaction, I’m really not happy about).  I asked around and it isn’t any of my family doing this.  However the most recent card was hand written very poorly (looks like a right handed person tried to write lefty).  There was a brief note inside and after reading it, there’s no doubt in my mind about who it came from.  But I have no idea how she found out my address or information.  She also made mention that my birthday was coming up… which worries me.  I don’t want her to have my address, and the fact that she does is pretty scary.

     I sincerely want to know what others think about this.  My family thinks its funny, but I’m fearful that this will escalate.  Am I crazy?  Am I overreacting?  What should I do?  There’s never been a threat made on my life… but should I report this?  Is this even considered stalking, what she’s doing?  Is this going to get worse, and how do I make it stop?   

     I’m not a vulnerable guy– I’m a criminal justice major, I’m ex-Army ROTC, I own fire arms, and I’m trained in self defense.  I can protect myself.  But I DO worry about the safety of my girlfriend, my friends, and family– the people I can’t protect all the time.

     The article below was published a few days ago by Associated Press, and I’m going to add it to our archive here.  While this forum remains devoted to publishing original accounts of people who have been harassed, I hope adding this will encourage other men to speak up when they are being targeted.  Hopefully, it will encourage more to share their stories. –Ceara, Admin

Man Gets $18 million in sexual harassment case

Associated Press

October 28, Los Angeles:  A jury has ordered The Vons Companies Inc supermarket chain to pay more than $18 million in damages to a former employee who claimed the company fired him after he filed a report accusing a female supervisor of sexual harassment. The Simi Valley jury awarded more than $16 million in punitive damages to James Stevens, two days after ordering Vons to pay the one-time inventory clerk $1.7 million for economic loss and emotional distress, said attorney Gloria Allred, who represented Stevens. 

Stevens, a Ventura County resident who worked for Vons for 25 years, was fired in May 2004.

He sued the company that November. During a month long trial, Stevens testified the supervisor subjected him to various forms harassment. In addition to making sexual remarks, Stevens told jurors the supervisor at one point simulated sex with a feather duster. 

“I hope my victory will inspire others to come forward if they are being mistreated at work knowing that the law protects them,” Stevens, 48, said in a statement.

Vons intends to appeal, said its spokeswoman, Sandra Calderon. “We do not think that the evidence supported any of Mr Stevens’ claims and believe the damage award was excessive,” Calderon said. 

Vons, a unit of Safeway Inc, has 325 stores in Southern Califonia and Nevada, according to its Web site.

     I have recently come out of a hostile work environment where a woman (I am also a woman) would constantly put her arm around me, and ask me about my sexuality.

     When I finally spoke up re this issue I was demoted from office manger to doing the laundry. I was constantly watched, spied on and accused of stealing. I should also mention this was at an animal shelter so when I had to do the laundry I was dealing w/ feces and urine on the towels and sheets. One other fun thing was the dryer would not always work so I had to haul the wet laundry to a Laundromat in the heat to get the clothing dry. After a while I was also accused of stealing laundry money.

     If it wasn’t for a friend helping me through this situation and him finding me a new job I would probably still be there. I worked there for 3 years and dealt with the torment for 8 months. They didn’t even want me to get a new job. We found this out when we hired an agency to see what kind of recommendation they would give. They wouldn’t give any information.

     I am now in the Human Rights Division of Sexual Harassment w/ a case pending there.

     I hope this helps whoever reads this to know that being harassed by one woman to another exists. Thank you for this web site as well.

     Being a man, I find it very difficult to write my story. Looking at some of the other stories here, I feel like perhaps my experience is not as bad. Still it’s bad for me. All I know is I feel uncomfortable, very embarrassed, and feel like quitting my job.
     I work as a receptionist in a hotel, and it’s mostly women working there. I am very professional at my job, but when I first arrived, I was continually stared at by the women, and some even did wolf whistles. I thought, well maybe this is just a laugh for the girls, so, although embarrassed, I just brushed it off. As I was the only guy on the team, I guessed that maybe this was a novelty for the women and that it would stop-it didn’t, it got a lot worse.
     As the weeks went by, I got inappropriate remarks like “he’s got a nice bum” and “do you work out?” They would stare and laugh suggestively if I bent over to pick up papers, etc. In the staff room, when I bend over to sit on a seat or something, some say “cooarrr!” or wolf whistle.
     I once was asked by a colleague if I could get her some chocolate from the local shop. She said, “If you get me this chocolate, I’ll give you a blow job.” This was with like 5 other female coworkers in the room. She said it loudly. (I guess to cause embarrassment.) All the room lit up with laughter.
     I met a woman that works in another department at the hotel, and we started having a relationship. The staff on my ward found out, and they started asking me about sexual things that I did with my girlfriend. They have begun to say things in front of customers, too.
     I thought, Ok, this is all embarrassing, but well I am a guy so I guess I should not fear anything from these women. It’s not the same as like when a woman gets continual remarks from men about HER body. Perhaps it’s just teasing and the will get bored.
     But then the touching started. At work colleagues began to feel my arms when moving around me to get to the other side of the reception desk. At first I thought well maybe she just needed to get past me-OK. However this keeps happening. Then another colleague, who is quite senior in our establishment, actually grabbed hold of my behind to move me out of the way when I was talking to a customer.
     I feel ashamed to share this because some women I have talked to about this have basically said “well your a guy, you probably love it” The truth is I like having compliments sure, like any guy or girl. But when you are being stared at, and laughed like they are doing, then you start to feel self conscious. It isn’t fun for me, not at all! I even reported these things to senior management. The manager said “Oh well, Aaron, you are a man, you can take it.” Then she started laughing!
     I know that maybe many people will think that, as I am a man, this is all okay. I am “Fair Game” because I work in a female dominated environment. And I am indeed a strong man. I do weightlifting as a sport–if I look at MEN, they’re intimidated. So, I feel I just cant defend myself by glaring or being even slightly hostile because I am a man in a woman’s world here. Like me, so many men out there feel embarrassed and that they can not control anything that happens to them. I am trying to take control finally now. I am now talking to people about this situation, and am getting help with it. Men can be harassed too!
     Men can be harassed by men or women. You don’t have to just accept it, especially in the workplace. A man is not less of a man for being upset by this type of behaviour. A man does not have to accept sexual advances or harassment from ANYONE just because he is a man. Harassment or abuse is just that. It is not conditional upon RACE, GENDER, STATUS, AGE, or SEXUALITY.

     I was about 37 years old when I enrolled at a large university in Houston to explore a new career path and earn prerequisites for graduate school; but instead of starting a new journey, I suffered gender and sexual harassment by a number of professors in several departments.

     Among others, various behaviors included lewd gestures and expressions aimed at me in class, refusing to speak to me or answer questions, and stalking by one of my professors. In one department, even though I was making straight A’s, it was clear that my status was not going to be measured by my performance, but contingent on my willingness to pursue professors sexually, and they became hostile when I did not respond accordingly–I even suspected there was a bet going on who was going to sleep with me. (My straight-A status was dismissed and they were saying I must be cheating since women who look like I do are “stupid.”)

     I never made any formal reports, and one professor seemed to regret his actions, and seemed to want to make amends.  But a female faculty member reported some of what was going on, and consequently, at least two professors later lost their jobs.  At no point did anyone ever talk to me about what was happening, or the extent of it, and I did not support the university’s actions since all I wanted was for the behavior to stop.  (I felt the situation could have been mediated.)  Indeed, their bungling only made things worse for me.

     Even though I never reported anything, I was blamed not only for the results, but also the harassment–they said that because I’ m feminine, I deserved it.  Then the backlash began.  Professors did not want me in their classes, and I even received hate mail.

     I had begun to have tremendous difficulty concentrating which made it very hard to read, study, and to perform well on exams. My grades began to suffer, along with my health and my job performance.

     Since I no longer trusted the instructors at this school, and hoped to move on, I transferred to a graduate program at a small, private catholic university, also in Houston. I was hoping there I could “lay low” for a time while continuing my studies. Mostly, I hoped I could begin to heal. However, the professors at the first school violated all confidentiality and my identity was not protected (which I now know is against federal law).  They made sure sure that my instructors at the second school knew what happened, particularly that it was all my fault.  So, similar problems and conflicts resulted at the second school, including more sexual harassment and backlash.

     The most surreal harasser-stalker was a lesbian psychology department chair who decided my emotional reaction to harassment by men meant that I am a “repressed lesbian,” and she was going to “help” me through this personally. She made a pass at me in class, and was telling people I’m a lesbian, which I‘m not. She contacted people–friends, former teachers, former employers, family members, doctors–to gather details about my work and personal life, my sex life, sex partners, and sexual experiences.  She was telling people that I’ve been lying about the extent of the sexual harassment and stalking, and that I’ve made it all up to get attention. She began stalking me on the Internet, and used her position, and lots of lies, to obtain access to confidential records she had no legal right to see. 

     Everyone places blind faith in anyone with a title.

     There were problems with other profs at the 2nd school.  Immediately– without even knowing me–my own advisor was blaming me for what happened at the earlier school, and constantly attacked my character behind my back. He called me an “Eddie Haskell,” someone who is always trying to stir up trouble.  Another professor was angry at my lack of attention towards him.  He even stomped out of the classroom one day because of it.  Another was openly hostile, and was ridiculing me outside of class to other students and faculty. Other professors came into my classes, or loitered outside the doors, to “get a look at her.”

     Because of traumatic stress symptoms, my grades plummeted and I began missing classes. 

     I did not dare report what was happening at the 2nd school because I was already being targeted there because of what happened at the 1st school.  Throughout, my appearance, character, and personal life have been scrutinized and attacked.  No one wanted the whole truth.  There has been much denial over the effects of the harassment and backlash, and some were saying that I was using the situation to hide that I’m a trouble-maker, and am incompetent and stupid, even though I was making straight A’s before it all happened and have a cum laude BA from Mount Holyoke. (I heard some were saying I must have cheated my way through.)

     I also suffered professionally and financially as the traumatic stress symptoms caused my work performance to suffer to such an extent that I had to leave my job. There was much hostility from my former supervisors and colleagues over this–most are Houston academic people–and I’ve have lost all of my recent references.  (They don’t care why I had to leave, just that I did.) Many of them had been longtime friends, too.  With no income, I have had to live off of my retirement savings, which is almost gone.

     I did finally report the lesbian stalker,  and she was reprimanded.  Yet it just seemed to make her angrier, and the stalking has continued.  Now her focus seems to be revenge for her being rejected and having her behavior exposed.  She vowed that, if I applied to another graduate program, she would see that I was rejected, and began contacting any program she thought I might apply to.     

     All I really want is to get well again, and move on. Once very adventurous, I have rarely left my home in over a year, and I know I will never be able to regain my faith or trust in people, particularly in authority.  Ultimately, I know I need to get back to school, but don’t know if I will ever feel safe there again. It’s like they have stolen both my present and my future. I just don’t know what is going to happen now.

Update 2008: The Stalking Escalates and Goes Technical

     After years of harassment by the lesbian psycho, the university finally took some action and demoted her (she had been department chair!) and sent her on a leave of absence.  But she just cyberstalked me the entire time she was gone.  Plus, it did nothing to repair the damage she has done.

     The person they replaced her with was my former advisor who has proven to be an even bigger coward than his predecessor.  Truly, this man is a sociopath.

     He partnered with one of the professors from the first university–one who lost his job because of what they did to me, and who is a telecommunications expert.  Together, they have taken the stalking to an entirely new level, including repeated break-ins into my home, hacking my computer, identity theft, watching my home and watching me through my windows.

     By far the worst is their installing something like a “hookswitch bypass” on my phones so they can use them as bugs.  These aren’t just devices for phone tapping.  With these, all they have to do is call your phone number and the phone becomes a bug.   They even installed one of these on the phone in my bedroom!  What is more, they have been passing my phone number to other men so they can join in on the stalking!!  It was an electronic kidnapping.

     I figured out about the in-home surveillance long before I figured out how they were doing it.  I endured a nightmare as I was forced to live with these men for close to a year until I found out how it was happening and disconnected the phones.  (This is a story in itself, and there is not enough space for it here.)

      They have continued the lies, working hard to deflect responsibility away from themselves regarding the damage they have done to me and to my life.  They have rationalized that I need to be under surveillance, and that all this is for my own “good,” and meant to help me.  But this is the rationale for most stalking. In truth, it is pure misogyny and a continuation of the victim-blame and retaliation for an harassment situation years ago that I never even reported.

     And yes, the leadership at the university knows all about this, and knows it is all true.  As usual,  they are dealing with the situation by ignoring it.  They seem to believe that having “Dr.” in front of your name places a person above the law. 

     The destruction to my life by these people has been total.  The health effects have devastated the quality of my life.  The slander has destroyed my reputation and most all my relationships. The rest has been destroyed by the stigma of being stalked. (Many people seem to view  a stalking victim is a weakling who ALLOWED/CAUSED it all to happen to them, and they distance themselves.) 

     I swear that all of this is 100% true.  I’ve taken the matter to the police and have filed police reports on all these people.   I’ll update again when I can.