I worked in an environment of approximately eighty people on my shift/department.  During this time, I was repeatedly subjected to lewd jokes, sexual comments and gestures, physical contact, all of it unwelcome and disgusting. There was five men doing this to me.
     I was one of three women, the other two married with husbands in the same department. My guess is being the only single woman is why I was singled out for this torment.
     After six months of this BS I finally complained to my supervisor, crying.  He told me it would be taken care of on Monday(this was a Friday).  So extremely upset I left for the weekend after the supervisor told me we would all sit down and discuss the situation on Monday.
     When I got to work that Monday, about half the men on my shift were conveying horrible looks at me.  It got worse over the next few weeks. I was spit at and had cigarette butts thrown at me. This went on for about three weeks.
     I had to see a doctor for meds for severe anxiety/depression. My blood pressure was high.   I lost a lot of weight.  My hair was falling out.  I had trouble sleeping at night, and when I did sleep I had nightmares.  Anytime I had to think about going to work I would shake uncontrollably.I felt like killing myself.
     I don’t know how I lived through all of it.  No self respecting individual should have to tolerate that type of behavior.  That’s when I knew I would have to complain to EEOC to exercise my rights.  My case is now pending with, of course, the harassers denying everything.

     A man has been stalking me for years. He left obscene lengthy screaming voice mails. Other times, he would lay his phone down by his tv and let the answering machine record it.  He played Cheryl Crowe’s song “The First Cut is the Deepest” as a message on my cell phone voice mail.  I worked at the high school where my daughter was also a student, and he threatened to come there and get us both.

     I was able to get a restraining order against him in 2005, which was granted for one year.  Then I moved away.

     But he began stalking me on the Internet.  He constantly emails me and no matter how many times I block him, he sends it through 3rd party.  I just got a poem that he sent through Craig’s List. He has also sent emails to my daughter.

     I am scared to death he will find out where I work and live now.  To keep myself secret, I now have a PO box in someone else’s name and no land telephone line.  

     I have called every place I can to get help and nobody will help me because he has not threatened to harm me lately, even though he has in the past as witnessed by the previous restraining order.  I have gone to every women’s group, locally, regionally, nationally.  I don’t know what to do anymore. The judge here will not issue a restraining order unless there has been two acts of violence.  (Well, if someone threatens you, to me THAT is intent, and it only takes one contact to kill somebody.) The paperwork even says harassment on the Internet is grounds but still, the judge won’t do anything.

     I am scared to death and every time he contacts me, I start shaking and my heart races.

     Part of my job as an IT Manager was to monitor Internet usage and conduct investigations when people violated the company policy.  The policy – which everyone had to sign – prohibited visiting websites that were sexual in nature.

     Over the past 4 years, I have seen more porn than I ever cared to see.  We’re not talking Playboy kinds of stuff–this was hard core and disgusting.  The VP of HR and an attorney in the Legal department started calling me the “Chief Porn Investigator.”  Since I always seemed to find this crap on Friday, they made jokes about us having “Porn Friday.”

     My boss was the VP of the IT department and he refused to let me spend the money to buy an Internet filtering solution so I could block these sites.  He controlled the budget so there was nothing I could do. It took 18 months to convince the HR and Legal departments to force my boss to spend the money to block porn. They finally agreed when I investigated a fetish freak that visited some of the most vile websites I have ever seen.  (One site was called “girlsthatgush.com”)

     That was my breaking point.  I told them I had had enough and they needed to be careful because they were not doing anything to protect themselves from a hostile work environment claim.

     As the Internet filtering system was being installed, I stumbled on my boss surfing teen porn sites. As I did in every other case, I investigated and turned over the information to HR and Legal.

     Eventually the CEO decided to let this creep keep his job and I still had to work for him. He apologized to me and said he would never use it against me. When he made that comment it struck me as more of a threat than a promise.

     It took about 2 months befor the backlash started.  My boss would laugh at me or openly dismiss me in front of my staff and peers.  He would walk away while I was talking to him. He put up ridiculous barriers in an attempt to make me fail.  One co-worker observed that he was suddenly “overly harsh and critical” of me. 

     I went to HR to complain so many times that I lost count. They made pathetic attempts to address it, but nothing changed. I quit complaining because it was obvious they weren’t going to do anything about it.

     I tried finding another job with no success. I’ve been on anti-depressants and anxiety medicine for 3 years and have come home in tears more than once. I spent many days at work physically shaking due to the stress. The icing on the cake? I was laid off last week and my creepy boss still has his job. I am so angry I can’t even describe it.

     They have offered me severance pay but I have to sign away all of my rights to get it.  I talked to an attorney and he thinks I have a good case. So, I either walk away from the severance money my family needs now or take the money and let them get away with what has been done to me.

     I’m sad, angry, frustrated and scared.  My husband has said he will support whatever decision I make. But, deep down, I know he wants me to take the money because we need it. What kind of choice is that?  Risk my family’s financial well-being or let them get away with it.

     Most of my senior year in high school, I was harassed by a “friend.” 

     When it started, he would joke that he wanted to have sex in the school’s band room. 

     I didn’t like it, but I didn’t say anything about it to anyone.  I stopped being able to eat like I had before.  I lost about 70 pounds during the course of the school year.

     By January, though, he had taken to touching me when we were alone, and he would ask me if I would give him a “hand job.”  One incident, he cornered me after everyone had gone home after school, and tried to force me to masturbate him.

     I tried to tell my friends.  But for the life of me,  I couldn’t get all of the details out.

     In April, though, he invited me over to his house for his birthday.  I had been under the assumption that it was really just for his birthday.  I was a little surprised to see that none of his other friends were there.  At the time, I assumed that I was just the first to get there.

     You know what they say about “people who assume.”

     We went into his basement.  I thought I was OK, because I didn’t realize that his bedroom was in his basement.  (I have always been just a little too naive.) 

     He closed the door behind him, and told me to take off my shirt and pants.  I refused, so he started to take them off, pushing me on the bed.  He laid down next to me, holding me down so I couldn’t get up.  He told me that if I didn’t give him a hand job, he would choke me.  The look in his eye told me that he wasn’t lying.  After it was over, I got my clothes and ran out of the house as fast as I could. 

     I ended up going to my best friend’s house.  But I couldn’t tell him about it, in the end.  I felt it was my fault for going there in the first place.  Suddenly, the threat of being choked felt like the worst reason to feel threatened.

     I’ve found that I don’t trust my guy friends anymore.  My longest-held guy friend invited me to his dorm 4 months after it happened, and I was on edge the entire time I was there, despite the fact that this friend had to be the least sexual guy I’ve ever known.  I have had doubts that I was good enough for the guy I want to date now.

     I have a hard time now believing that I’m capable of doing anything, sometimes.  I feel physically sick whenever he comes into the same room, and I flinch every time I hear the word “molested” (it actually came up when I was watching a Husker game with this new guy. Horrible time to flinch, I would believe).

     When I was a sophomore in High School, two guys whom I thought were my friends began making comments about my figure and how I was just really gorgeous. 

     I was like, “Thanks for the compliments.” 

     But then the next day they both came up to me and started grabbing my breasts and other inappropriate places.

     I thought nothing of it at first, but they kept doing it to me.  I kept trying to push them off and they kept holding me so they could touch me.

     One day, one of the boys had come up to me and acted as if they were going to give me a hug.  Instead, he gave me a hickey.

     All I remember is that I had a huge mark on my neck and knew I needed to hide it before I went home and my parents saw.

     My parents were clueless about the harassment.  I finally got brave enough to tell school officials and they took report after report for four months.  Then it was taken to the extreme when the boys started to verbally harass me every day at school.  This all lasted for months.

     Finally, the school suspended one of the boys for one day and the other boy got away with it.

     I ended up dropping out of school because I could not stand to be near anybody.  I am still afraid of going near people I have a hard time being social.

     I never pressed charges against the boys because I was afraid of what may happen if I did.  My parents never knew until I was 16 and several months after I had dropped out of school.  I have been experiencing nightmares for the last 3 years of my life and am really scared to get close to anyone because of the harassment.

     I am a 23 year female living in south Florida. I endured 5 months of harassment before I turned the creep into my managing director.

     It started with him telling me how beautiful I was and how pretty my eyes were and how he loooooved “fluffy girls.” It then evolved into him telling me I looked just like his wife and how he wanted to leave her for someone who looked just like her.

     He used to tell me I needed a black man “in me.” He would lick his lips, look me up and down, tell me to do a spin for him so he could look at me. He would call me and tell me he had a crush on me, and the list goes on.

     I told him several times that he was making me uncomfortable and he needed to stop. It was finally when I was required to go on client visits with him that I spoke up.

     At first my manager was very supportive and said he would back me up %100. This was not the case.  Once HR was involved it all went downhill. The asshole lied, other people who were interviewed by HR lied and said they hadn’t heard anything even when I know they did. They even apologized to me later for lying.

     I couldn’t believe it. I felt my world was over. I was accused of “playing games” and was told to either continue working with him or leave.

     My first reaction was to leave. But I am far too stubborn to let him win.

     It’s now two months later. I have good days and bad – today is bad day. My anxiety is sky high and I can’t focus on work today. It is just frustrating because its a “he said she said” situation, so nothing could be proved.

     Therapy definitely helps and so do blogs like these. It may be cliche to say, but it does feel good knowing I’m not alone in this.

     I’ve been unlucky enough to be stalked twice. 

     The first was a fellow student in college piano class.  His parents knew mine, but I was unaware of his existence beyond the kid that sat at the back.  His father came in where my mother worked, excited that this guy and I were going to get married. My mother was stunned and confronted me about my ’secret’ boyfriend.  I had no idea.  Days later, coworkers where I worked pointed out that he was following me around the building (a library), making sure to stay out of my line of sight.  Thankfully nothing untoward happened. 

     The second stalking occurred years later and was done by a coworker of mine at a large corporation where we worked.  He was part of a circle of friends, fun to be around, very gregarious.  He got it into his head we were perfect for each other, gave gifts, etc.  then I started to feel uncomfortable with the extra attention.  I began refusing the gifts and insisted that there was no need for him to walk by my cubicle as it was out of his way to anyplace he needed to be going. 

     When it continued, I complained to my supervisor, who had a talk with his supervisor.  His supervisor blamed me, stating that I led the coworker on and that he was under the impression he was being encouraged. 

     He was “rewarded” by getting a larger cubicle around his supporters and I was relegated to a corner desk (not even a cubicle) with three supervisors in the room to make sure he stayed away. 

     The environment I was reduced to was essentially what they gave new hires, not people who’d been with the company for several years, as I had been.  It did nothing to make me feel secure as he still had access to me to and from the workplace, breaks and lunches.  Only my being fired eventually made this situation go away three years later.  I am certain that their reason for the firing stemmed primarily from the incident, which ultimately had to do with my subsequent health problems.  It was not provable, however.

     I am scared.  I have an appointment with the EEOC tomorrow.  My biggest fear is that after being harassed for over a year and 1/2, I gave in and had sex with him twice.  After the constant day to day to day, “Go out with me,” whining if I didn’t, telling me he was leaving his wife…

     I had asked on numerous occasions for him to stop, had gone to the office manager, etc.  I finally just gave in but because I had received a serious neck injury.  I was taking major pain medication and was in a weakened state.  He told me that I was missing too much work.  He said would give me a raise, protect me from his partners, if I would be his “girlfriend,” move in with him, etc. 

     Every day after work I had to go out with him.  I would be fondled at work, kissed on the head when he was leaving for appointments.  He would rub my back, grab my ass, show me his hard-on telling me he was now taking Viagra and this is what I did to him. 

      Now they are saying it was all consensual because I had written emails responding to his and/or stuff he would ask me about during work. They cancelled the mediation, offered to pay me until the end of this month if I would sign a release!  I wouldn’t.  How can they use emails against me?  Everyone knows they can be altered. 

     How can I prove that whatever I said and did I had to, or I wouldn’t have a job?  Why am I again the victim? 

     I am so stressed out.  I can’t sleep, eat, and some days I don’t remember the WHOLE day because of the stress.

     I was at a conference for work at a casino with several co-workers.  A few of us were in the lounge of the casino having a few drinks together.  I decided that it was late and I wanted to go to bed. 

     At that time a supervisor decided to do the same and said that he would walk with me.  When we got into the elevator he turned to me grabbed my breast and kissed me.  I was so in shock that I didn’t know what to say.  I just thought that he was drunk and that it was “nothing” and didn’t say another word.  When we got to our rooms he invited me in saying that we should check on his roommate.  I reluctantly agreed and went into his room to check on our co-worker.  I soon realized that he did not have a roommate and that we were alone.  As soon as I found out I turned to go to my own room and as I did he grabbed me again and started to kiss me.  I told him that we cannot do this because he was married and we work together and it would be very uncomfortable working with him.  He then stated to me that he only wanted to “make out with me”.  He also made a comment that my fingernails were just to much for him to resist.  I then left his room and went to my room.

     At first, I did not say anything to my roommate because I kept telling myself that it was a stupid mistake and just “deal with it”.  Later, I did tell a different co-worker about what had happened.  I felt very uncomfortable during the rest of the conference around this man and did not say anything to him.  I decided to tell my roommate what happened and she encouraged me to turn him in. 

     Well, a week after we got back, an unsigned letter went to the department head and an investigation started about the incident.  After 6 weeks of the initial investigation, I finally was told that they proved the allegation and that he was disciplined.

     Since he has been disciplined, I have faced many attacks on my character.  I have been accused of things that I have not done.  I have had my immediate supervisor write me up for very trivial things and have been attacked in more ways than one.  I had the head of HR tell me that I cannot not say anything to anyone about all this, but I feel that I have the right to defend my self to co-workers and tell them the truth instead of what the rumor mills are going on about me.  I am now being blamed for the whole incident because I told my co-workers about what happened and they feel I “smeared” the harasser’s name. 

     I had to start seeing a counselor and I am now taking anti-depressant medication.  I’m considering getting an attorney but I’m afraid that if I do it will make everything worse than it already is.  I have had to take some time off from my job because I cannot do my job like I used to do before this happened. I don’t know where to turn for advise because everyone else thinks that I’m making a “big deal of this.”