Comments for Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:11:21 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.2 Comment on My brother-in-law sees no problem with what he is doing by Leslie from MA http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2007/11/12/in-law-harasser/#comment-17754 Thu, 26 Jun 2008 23:41:32 +0000 http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2007/11/12/in-law-harasser/#comment-17754 Hi, You should tell your sister. If he is stalking you perhaps he is talking someone else. He could be very dangerous. If yoiur husband did that to your younger sister, would you want to know. Your sister deserve a decent man and not a pervert. Why does your husband stand up for you and approach to pervert? Hi,

You should tell your sister. If he is stalking you perhaps he is talking someone else. He could be very dangerous. If yoiur husband did that to your younger sister, would you want to know. Your sister deserve a decent man and not a pervert. Why does your husband stand up for you and approach to pervert?

]]> Comment on He said “this is difficult to do without some touching involved” by Annoyed http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2008/04/01/groper-help/#comment-17427 Tue, 24 Jun 2008 22:09:44 +0000 http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2008/04/01/groper-help/#comment-17427 What's wrong with you? Get a new job. Stop apologizing for that lecher. What’s wrong with you? Get a new job. Stop apologizing for that lecher.

]]> Comment on Don’t wait to talk by Dominique Millette http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2007/03/05/dont-wait-to-talk/#comment-17266 Mon, 23 Jun 2008 18:01:53 +0000 http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2007/03/05/dont-wait-to-talk/#comment-17266 Reasons why women don't report incidents sooner include: 1) fear of retaliation, which is very real and and understandable fear; 2) fear that no one will believe them - also, quite common; 3) fear that they will be blamed for inviting the behaviour (ditto) and 4) fear that they will be ostracized, which is a variation on retaliation that can have serious repercussions on one's career. So yes, while it's better to say something sooner, this will not guarantee either a speedier resolution or an easier time of things. Reasons why women don’t report incidents sooner include: 1) fear of retaliation, which is very real and and understandable fear; 2) fear that no one will believe them - also, quite common; 3) fear that they will be blamed for inviting the behaviour (ditto) and 4) fear that they will be ostracized, which is a variation on retaliation that can have serious repercussions on one’s career. So yes, while it’s better to say something sooner, this will not guarantee either a speedier resolution or an easier time of things.

]]> Comment on I’ve been told my being single means I’m “up for grabs” by Dominique Millette http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2007/08/18/up-for-grabs/#comment-17261 Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:46:51 +0000 http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2007/08/18/up-for-grabs/#comment-17261 According to Canadian statistics, single women do get harassed more often than women who are married. While women 18-24 are three times likelier to be harassed at work than any other group, unmarried women 25-44 report the same rates of harassment as unmarried 18-24 year-olds. So this is a pervasive problem in Canada also and is systemic, not just particular to one place or person. Collecting these statistics has made me feel some measure of control, since information is power. They won't necessarily be useful in court but they help you to realize you're not crazy or making things up. According to Canadian statistics, single women do get harassed more often than women who are married. While women 18-24 are three times likelier to be harassed at work than any other group, unmarried women 25-44 report the same rates of harassment as unmarried 18-24 year-olds. So this is a pervasive problem in Canada also and is systemic, not just particular to one place or person. Collecting these statistics has made me feel some measure of control, since information is power. They won’t necessarily be useful in court but they help you to realize you’re not crazy or making things up.

]]> Comment on I feel very isolated and alone by Dominique Millette http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2007/11/12/i-feel-very-isolated-and-alone/#comment-17119 Sun, 22 Jun 2008 17:47:36 +0000 http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2007/11/12/i-feel-very-isolated-and-alone/#comment-17119 I know how that feels... not having any potential witnesses who want to take your side. On the other hand, it may be that if you can demonstrate they have a conflict of interest, this may help. If there's any way to record everything that is going on, that would be even better. I know how that feels… not having any potential witnesses who want to take your side. On the other hand, it may be that if you can demonstrate they have a conflict of interest, this may help. If there’s any way to record everything that is going on, that would be even better.

]]> Comment on “I’ll be thinking about your head in my crotch.” by Dominique Millette http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2008/02/13/sleaze-supervisor/#comment-17114 Sun, 22 Jun 2008 17:04:31 +0000 http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2008/02/13/sleaze-supervisor/#comment-17114 I was in a situation almost like that. My boss wanted to ride in my car with me to Sudbury from Toronto after a so-called "training session" that ended up being quite useless. I suspected nothing. Once he got me alone and we were motoring along at 110 km/hr, he proceeded to tell me he'd heard all about my sex life from my ex-boyfriend, who told him I was really hot. Then, my boss told me his sex life was really lousy. I was shocked and uncomfortable but, because he hadn't actually come on to me, I wanted to assume nothing. And he never made a direct pass, but said things that made me really uncomfortable. And we had been friends, so it was doubly awkward. I ended up trying so hard to protect myself from eventual sabotage and charges of incompetence (the usual thing that happens when things get sour) that I alienated everyone in the office and got fired for insubordination. The situation was complicated by the fact that I had made a joke about him and the cameraman, which my boss used to accuse *me* and justify his own behaviour. I ended up like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs and was frequently angry. Because of this, a lawyer I consulted told me I only had a 50 percent chance of winning. To top it all off, at the time, the Ontario Human Rights Commission had a *maximum* award of $5,000 in damages. And the case wouldn't get resolved for years. It wasn't worth it. I ended up giving up, not only because of the legal obstacles but also because I was an emotional mess and had several breakdowns. I was blacklisted in my industry and never worked in television again. I was in a situation almost like that. My boss wanted to ride in my car with me to Sudbury from Toronto after a so-called “training session” that ended up being quite useless. I suspected nothing. Once he got me alone and we were motoring along at 110 km/hr, he proceeded to tell me he’d heard all about my sex life from my ex-boyfriend, who told him I was really hot. Then, my boss told me his sex life was really lousy. I was shocked and uncomfortable but, because he hadn’t actually come on to me, I wanted to assume nothing. And he never made a direct pass, but said things that made me really uncomfortable. And we had been friends, so it was doubly awkward. I ended up trying so hard to protect myself from eventual sabotage and charges of incompetence (the usual thing that happens when things get sour) that I alienated everyone in the office and got fired for insubordination. The situation was complicated by the fact that I had made a joke about him and the cameraman, which my boss used to accuse *me* and justify his own behaviour. I ended up like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs and was frequently angry. Because of this, a lawyer I consulted told me I only had a 50 percent chance of winning. To top it all off, at the time, the Ontario Human Rights Commission had a *maximum* award of $5,000 in damages. And the case wouldn’t get resolved for years. It wasn’t worth it. I ended up giving up, not only because of the legal obstacles but also because I was an emotional mess and had several breakdowns. I was blacklisted in my industry and never worked in television again.

]]> Comment on This makes me angry by Dominique http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2008/01/31/makes-me-angry/#comment-17113 Sun, 22 Jun 2008 16:49:37 +0000 http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2008/01/31/makes-me-angry/#comment-17113 About the stalking: is there any way you can get a tall, muscled male friend to accompany you to this restaurant and stare with absolute hatred and agression at this guy? Don't know if it would work. I admit I never had a friend like that myself because I could have used him when my boss went to the same parties as me. About the stalking: is there any way you can get a tall, muscled male friend to accompany you to this restaurant and stare with absolute hatred and agression at this guy? Don’t know if it would work. I admit I never had a friend like that myself because I could have used him when my boss went to the same parties as me.

]]> Comment on He thought it was okay because I didn’t speak up by Dominique http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2008/03/14/he-thought-it-was-okay-because-i-didnt-speak-up/#comment-17111 Sun, 22 Jun 2008 16:38:43 +0000 http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2008/03/14/he-thought-it-was-okay-because-i-didnt-speak-up/#comment-17111 Wherever there is inequality of power it is up to the person with the most power to ** leave subordinates alone ** . The rule should be that anyone in a position of power should absolutely wait for the subordinate to show very explicit interest *before* saying the least thing. I was in the same situation and felt very confused and guilty because I felt *sorry* for this a$$hole and he made me **pay** for eventually saying anything. Wherever there is inequality of power it is up to the person with the most power to ** leave subordinates alone ** . The rule should be that anyone in a position of power should absolutely wait for the subordinate to show very explicit interest *before* saying the least thing. I was in the same situation and felt very confused and guilty because I felt *sorry* for this a$$hole and he made me **pay** for eventually saying anything.

]]> Comment on I was too young to understand what he had done by Kiki http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2007/10/04/family-friend-rape/#comment-15381 Fri, 06 Jun 2008 23:28:45 +0000 http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2007/10/04/family-friend-rape/#comment-15381 To Meagan in Michigan: One of the most important things that you have got to tell yourself everyday is that none of this was YOUR FAULT. I say this because blaming myself has been one of the biggest obstacles in the way of my recovering from childhood rape. Nothing you did or didn't do caused this sick man to do what he did to you. School doesn't teach little girls how to fight back or how to cope with sexual abuse and even if it did, how could a child be expected to successfully prevent their rape when most grown women aren't capable of doing this? It's a humiliating, dehumanizing thing to be confronted with and whatever you did is the right thing because you survived it. Keep being strong and be good to yourself. Remember that sick men have no holiday. To Meagan in Michigan:
One of the most important things that you have got to tell yourself everyday is that none of this was YOUR FAULT. I say this because blaming myself has been one of the biggest obstacles in the way of my recovering from childhood rape. Nothing you did or didn’t do caused this sick man to do what he did to you. School doesn’t teach little girls how to fight back or how to cope with sexual abuse and even if it did, how could a child be expected to successfully prevent their rape when most grown women aren’t capable of doing this? It’s a humiliating, dehumanizing thing to be confronted with and whatever you did is the right thing because you survived it. Keep being strong and be good to yourself. Remember that sick men have no holiday.

]]> Comment on I ended up dropping out of school by Mar http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2008/03/14/i-ended-up-dropping-out-of-school/#comment-14673 Sat, 31 May 2008 09:31:59 +0000 http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/2008/03/14/i-ended-up-dropping-out-of-school/#comment-14673 You have to go back to school! Go to a different one if you can! Those boys should have consequences to what they did to you. Stand up and let them have it. Don't let the school take it lightly. You will feel more safe knowing that they are being taught a lesson and going back to school will help get your mind off things and let you practice being more social. Hiding is just going to break your spirits and you don't need that! Let this situation build you up not bring you down! You are strong. You have to go back to school! Go to a different one if you can! Those boys should have consequences to what they did to you. Stand up and let them have it. Don’t let the school take it lightly. You will feel more safe knowing that they are being taught a lesson and going back to school will help get your mind off things and let you practice being more social. Hiding is just going to break your spirits and you don’t need that! Let this situation build you up not bring you down! You are strong.

]]>