Speak Up!

Anonymous, Canada

     My son had been sick and was staying with my mother and stepfather for a few days.   When my mother had to go to my great aunt’s funeral, I went to pick up my son though I stayed over for one night.

     When it was time to head to bed, my stepfather carried my son to their bed.  I went and climbed into the guest bed. 

     After I had drifted off to sleep,  I was awoke by my stepfather rubbing the side of my leg/butt.

     He said to me, “Do you want to have a secret?”

     I heard in my mind, “Do you want to have a cigarette?”  Why would I want a cigarette?

     Then he said it again.  “Do you want to have a secret? Do you want to do it?”

     I jump out of bed and went in to check on my son.  He followed and then wanted me to climb into bed with the both of them. 

     I left my son sleeping and went back to my bed, leaving my stepfather the impression that I WAS NOT interested. 

     I didn’t sleep a wink that night, concern about myself and my son.  What do I do? Do I tell my mother?

     I’m 36 years-old.  I didn’t do anything with him.  Yet I am still burdened with a secret.

Katrina, Denver

     I switched to an overnight shift from my previous day shift because my family needed the extra money.  

     At first, I didn’t think anything of it when my new supervisor started asking me personal questions.  He asked about my home life with my husband and my sexual past and things like if I had ever been with a black guy or did I ever want to.

     He did this all on our office IM.  At the end of the night he would delete the IM from the computer and would tell me not to say anything to anyone about it.

     One night I was outside smoking and he was all of a sudden behind me grabbed me and hugged me.  He could tell I was uncomfortable but didn’t care.  He then started commenting on my body and asking what color my bra’s were.  He always did it when nobody was around.

     He kept doing this and I finally couldn’t take it after 7 months.  I filed a complaint at work and they did an investigation.  They spoke with people who heard him say things about me. They concluded the investigation and said since there is no proof nothing can be done.  So they are making me switch my shift to something I cannot work.

     I feel embarrassed and my old supervisor smiles when he sees me.  This is not the first time he has done it but it doesn’t matter.  He’s still there.  And now I feel the big boss thinks I was lying about the entire thing.

Melissa, Canada

     When I was in high school, there was a guy who didn’t leave me alone about my body and what he wanted to do to it.  He would be extremely vulgar.
     I would tell him “No,” but he knew that I was shy and would never tell him off.  And  I never did.  Instead I learned to get used to his constant harassment.  Eventually, it became a part of my daily life.
     One day at school, he asked me to do something sexual with him (at school!) and of course I said “No.”   Him and I were sitting in front of some lockers, so I stood up to leave since I was very uncomfortable with what he was saying to me.
     Then he stood up and pushed me against the locker, then pushed me back to the floor. He treated me like I was a doll, pushing me and dragging me closer to him on the dirty school floor.
     Bravely, I stood up one more time, and then he stood as well.
     He put his hand over my breasts (but without touching me) and asked, “Does this make you nervous?”
     I said it really did, and then he grabbed my breasts.  The bell rang one minute later and he walked away as if nothing had happened.
     I would love to say that this is the end of the story, but it’s far from over.  I let him treat me like this for 8 more months.  Sometimes things he said scared me, or annoyed me, or made me really mad, but I am not a person to stand up for myself.  He tried to get me into his car multiple times, and he would frequently invite me over to his house (bluntly stating his filthy intentions).
     I will never be the same person I used to be because of him.

Sarah, Minnesota

     I worked as a night manager for a store owned largely by my sister and her husband.  They owned 90% of the business, and the husband’s parents own the other 10%.  However, the parents have 100% governing rights over the business, so they had full say over what was done and not done.

     In February of 2007 my sister and I flew out to see her husband participate in a car race.  The store was one of the sponsors, and we met up with her husband, his dad, and their friend as they had driven there.

     We were at a bar the first night and that’s when my sister’s father-in-law started to sexually harass me.  He would touch me and ignore my glares and no’s.  He would continue to try to grope and I continued to remove his hands.  Throughout our 4 day stay he continued his advances.  He stood outside my hotel door, trying repeatedly to get in.  He spent those 4 days trying and saying whatever he could to get me to have sex with him: my fiance is a loser,  he wanted to take care of me, he has all the power in the town we lived in….   

     I kept myself as protected I could.  At one point I hid in the closet as I frantically sent text messages to my sister, asking her to please come help me.

     My sister told her husband what his father was doing.  But he did not believe it and from then on, both he and his father treated me like garbage.  When we got back to work, they tried to cut my hours, tried to cut my pay, tried to make me work alone.  Then they began to slander me.  They told people I was a slut sleeping around, and that I was a drug addict who never took care of her kids.  They even began to spread it around that I had embezzled a hundred thousand dollars from the store. 

     My sister kept telling her husband that he could not do that and that it was against the law to treat me that way.  She told  her husband that if he fired me she would just rehire me.  

     That continued back and forth until the father-in-law made my sister sign some sort of document taking away all of her rights to manage her own business.  That’s the day they fired me.  On that same day, they took away her power in the store, and changed the locks to the store, office and safe.  So, they fired my sister, too. 

     My sister has since divorced her husband but he still makes her pay for supporting me.  It’s just one more thing I feel bad about. 

     I filed a complaint with the Minnesota Department of Human Rights.  After over a year of investigating, they found probable cause for wrongful termination, sexual harassment, and reprisal.  I have since released my charge through the state of Minnesota and filed a lawsuit, only to be counter-sued by them for theft of more than fifty thousand dollars. 

     We are now moving into the deposition phase. I can’t even put into words what all of this has done to my life. The rumors they have spread about me. And his lawyer requesting my entire medical history….

     I just want to scream.  I didn’t do anything wrong.   I have lost everything, my house, car, belongings.  Most of all I have lost me in all of this.  I feel crazy and scared all the time.  I feel broken and lost.  I will continue to fight the best I can because I refuse to let this happen to another person.  I could write forever on the things that were done and said but this is the short version.

Ashley, North Carolina

     I work for an oil company.  I had a customer that kept coming into my workplace for about a year.  He kept saying the most sexually explicit things to me and would come to my work and harass me for hours.  One day he spread my legs apart while saying these really sexually explicit comments. 

     I went to my manager about it and and he replied, “It sales oil.”  

      After I told my manger, this kept up for 9 more months until I contacted the EEOC.  I went to my Manager a total of 3 more times!  He said nothing to this man until he had found out I contacted the EEOC.  It has created a very uneasy working enviroment!

     Then  the VP and owner found out, and it just got worse because my manager lied to them and said he had never witnessed it himself, which he had.

     The investigation is still going on and the EEOC is making a visit tomorrow to my place of employment.   It turns out  the man who harassed me was actually brought up on sexual harassment charges with the company that he worked for.

     The owner has been really ugly to me and even stated that I was “costing him money that wasn’t necessary”.  

     It’s really hard to come to work everyday knowing that they have pretty much sided with the harasser.  I would love to just walk out and forget about the insensitive bastards cause all I am to them is an Office Manager that got what I deserved.  But I am a single mom who has to have a steady income for my little girl as well as myself. 

     It has damaged me so bad that all I do is vomit and I no longer sleep.  It has made me hate my job and hate the people I work with and for everytime I get my paycheck I get filled with anger and hate!  It has stolen my once happy life and has made me a bitter hateful person that I no longer recognize.  I do not know what the end result will be for I fear it will be in their favor.

Lupe, Arkansas    

     I used to work at a construction site until I was fired for rejecting a supervisor who wanted to go out with me.
     When I first started working at the construction firm, there was this man that kept asking me out and I kept saying “No.”     
     He seemed to stop and I thought everything was okay.   Boy was I wrong!
     As time went on he had got promoted and that’s when it started happening again.  He would constantly ask me out and I would keep saying “No.” 
     Eventually, I reported him to the supervisor above him.  But the supervisor did not do anything about it.
     Well as time went on, they sent me to another work area because I was a fire watch and it’s part of my job to rotate around the work site. 
     One day, the man who has been harassing me came to my work area and saw me using a make-up compact.   He didn’t come up close to check what it really was in my hand.  Instead, he just reported me, saying it was a cell phone.  (They have a no cell phone policy there. )  He told the HEAD supervisor and they fired me.
     I have called the construction site hot line and it sounds like they are not doing anything about it.  They did not even investigate the whole cell phone thing.  They just fired me cause he said so.  I am having to go through a lot to TRY and get my job back.

I will never be the same

     I was working as a temp at a technology company.

     This engineer posted a collage of pictures  on the wall and told me to come look at them.  Then he started asking me personal questions:  Do you have a boyfriend?  Do you see him a lot?  

      I couldn’t see the pictures because of the low light.  We went back to the work table and he stood behind me as I was leaning on the table to see the pictures.  As I was leaning against the table, he leaned on me and I could feel his penis on my rear end.  Then he started to grind and rub his penis on me, dry humping me.

     I was stunned.

     Immediately after the incident, I asked a co-worker if he’d seen our supervisor.  The engineer heard this and  freaked out and asked me why I needed him, and what was the problem.

     Then, a coworker told me he saw the incident and I was so relieved. 

     So I went and told the supervisor what happened and he just laughed and said that the engineer didn’t understand because he’s from another country.  He said it’s happened before.  (What?  Sexual harassment?  Or confusion?  Hhmmm…)

     I said bullshit.  He understood because of the way he reacted when I said I was looking for you.

      I called the EEOC and told them I just wanted an apology and an acknowledgment of what he did.  They advised me to call my temp service which I did.  I told them what happened and that I had a witness.  The temp lady told me that she was to call my witness and supervisor to get statements from them.

     Then I had a couple days of listening to my co-workers and supervisor make what I thought at the time were stupid comments,  like I should file a sexual harassment suit.

     I called the temp service to follow up and she said she was disappointed with the supervisor and witness because they had not received their statements yet.  We were all working together with a project when the temp lady called the supervisor about it.  I stood right there and heard her voice as he was standing next to me.

     After the call, the supervisor just shot darts at me for about 30 seconds then he walked away with my witness.

      From then on,  my witness said that he saw the engineer next to me, but didn’t see the incident. 

     Plus, there were surveillance cameras everywhere, but I was told that the incident could not be viewed because the camera view was blocked by bins  and cardboard on pallets piled high.

     In the end, all the supervisor did was tell me to stay away from the engineer and for him to stay away from me which was impossible since we have to interact to do our jobs.

     After a week or two,  I called the temp service back for a transfer and told her how uncomfortable I was.  She said she understood but there was nothing else available.   So that day,  I didn’t say anything to anyone, just got in my car and left during lunch and never went back.

      I’ve now gotten an attorney who specializes in sexual harassment cases.  He has shown me statements that plainly show the supervisor and witness have been lying about what happened.   They are both cowards.

I hate stalkers

     I suffer from depression, and I joined an online depression group my friend participated in. 

     I shared my stories on online posts, and a guy decided to befriend me.  He was studying counseling at a Christian school.  I didn’t count on him being of any professional help, but I decided there was no harm in being his friend.

     I made a post on my online journal about some problems I was having, and he requested my phone number.  Like an idiot I gave it to him, not thinking there was any harm. 

      He started to call me every single day, even when I told him it was beginning to be a bit too much and I wanted him to stop, but he never did.

       He continued to contact me.  He saw online photos of me and began to make very sexually explicit comments and requests.  He then tried to push phone sex on me. 

     I looked up some information about him and found out he has stalked and harassed several young women online, mainly from other depression groups.  I found out that he was 20 years older than me (I’m in my 20s)  and he’s technically old enough to be my father.  He basically seeks out vulnerable teens and young women and tries to push sex on them, and he’s been doing this for years.  The fact he’s studying counseling is extremely alarming.  He was also in an illegal relationship with a 17-year-old, whom he also stalks frequently.  He’s a classic definition of a predator.

     I was so revolted by him.  I told him to never contact me again, and if he did, I would contact law enforcement.  Next I blocked him from every social networking site I knew him in.

     He contacted me from different usernames, saying that he “never meant for things to go so far,” he just became attracted to me, and that I “shouldn’t act so paranoid.” 

     Yes, I should.  He obviously has no self-control, no respect for boundaries, and he won’t leave people alone when they told him to go away.

     I contacted the abuse team on the site, but because he used different user names, it was difficult to stop him.

      He eventually left me alone, but then he called me several months later.  I didn’t recognize his number, so I answered and he said he had something to say to me.  When I realized it was him, I yelled at him, hung up, and changed my number.  I’ve also changed every single one of my usernames online as well as taking down all pictures of myself that were on the Internet.

     He’s now the reason why I no longer participate in depression groups.  He’s also the reason why something so basic as my e-mail is no longer public.  Stalkers, harassers, predators…they just disgust me to no end.

Simone, Trinidad

     Yesterday,  my boss approached me with sexual advances.  I was stunned.  I could not believe this was happening.  I did not know what to do, what to say, or who to talk to.  I thought, I  will tell him I did not like what he did and continue to work there.   But the way I felt,  I could not go back to work.  So I left the job. 

     His wife and daughter also works there.  I told his wife over the phone what he did and I would not be back .  Now they are talking about what I used to wear must have led him on.  

     But all I  wear are normal black pants and a shirt, nothing to tight or to revealing.   

     They have made me feel like it was my fault.

Misha

     I am being stalked right now. I struck up a conversation with a co-worker and invited him to see a live band I love. He seemed lonely, but we connected with music. I introduced him to my friends and he seemed to be okay. I wouldn’t date him because he always bragged about fights he used to get into.

     I tried to be nice which I am now realizing was a grave mistake. He claimed he “fell in love” with me even though we didn’t date. I even tried to set him up with a girl, but he broke up with her because he said he was “not over” me.

     He started following me everywhere and showed up randomly at places where my kids and I stopped on a whim. He said it was a coincidence. He followed me, wrote me letters. He kept coming over to my house uninvited to bring me gifts and food. He even went so far as to copy my blogs and tape them in a notebook to “keep me close to him.”

     Everyone called him my “puppy.” We all thought it was just a joke. Just a silly crush.

     Then he told me he wanted to pay me for sex and when I refused, he got really angry and said I would like it because he “Loved me so much and I would realize one day I loved him too.”

     I took all his dishes from the food he kept dropping off at my house back to his house and told him to leave me alone and never have contact with me again.

     He turned violent.  Later, he told a woman we both know there was nothing in his life a gun couldn’t fix and then started hanging around my workplace.  However, my co-workers are unwilling to testify to this fact as he was fired for sexual harassment and was “creepy”, and they think he may turn on them violently.

     He lives 2 streets over and the police keep telling me it’s just a coincidence when he is behind me on the road I travel to and from work.

     I am terrified.  

     I have gotten a temporary restraining order. I went to court to have it made permanent but he is contesting it so the judge has issued another date for a hearing.     

     I have lost everyone close to me as they want no part of this and are scared of him. I have started therapy but I am still scared of what he will do to me again. I feel so alone. I want my life back.