Sexual Harassment Stories and Experiences

Lynndy    

     When I was a sophomore in High School, two guys whom I thought were my friends began making comments about my figure and how I was just really gorgeous. 

     I was like, “Thanks for the compliments.” 

     But then the next day they both came up to me and started grabbing my breasts and other inappropriate places.

     I thought nothing of it at first, but they kept doing it to me.  I kept trying to push them off and they kept holding me so they could touch me.

     One day, one of the boys had come up to me and acted as if they were going to give me a hug.  Instead, he gave me a hickey.

     All I remember is that I had a huge mark on my neck and knew I needed to hide it before I went home and my parents saw.

     My parents were clueless about the harassment.  I finally got brave enough to tell school officials and they took report after report for four months.  Then it was taken to the extreme when the boys started to verbally harass me every day at school.  This all lasted for months.

     Finally, the school suspended one of the boys for one day and the other boy got away with it.

     I ended up dropping out of school because I could not stand to be near anybody.  I am still afraid of going near people I have a hard time being social.

     I never pressed charges against the boys because I was afraid of what may happen if I did.  My parents never knew until I was 16 and several months after I had dropped out of school.  I have been experiencing nightmares for the last 3 years of my life and am really scared to get close to anyone because of the harassment.

 Geena, Florida   

     I work at a restaurant and my supervisor and I are good friends, even though he is quite a bit older.  (I’m 19 and he’s 39) We don’t hang out after work, but when we work together, we talk and joke around.  We flirt. I’ve been there a while so I’m used to his comments, like he’s told me he thought I was hot, and he’s made some jokes about us hooking up, but nothing serious.  We always laugh it off.  I had never felt uncomfortable or threatened in the beginning. 

     But gradually, things became more physical.  He started doing more things like rubbing up against me, or putting his hand on my back or around my side.  I just got caught up  in this whirl wind of excitement and confused emotions.  He asked me if I was uncomfortable, and I was.  But not enough to where I wanted to say “Yes” because I was afraid it would just make things awkward.  So I just said “No.”

     The other night things progressed farther, and his hands ended up under my shirt and he felt me up, and was kissing my neck.

     The whole time I was thinking, “I need to stop this. This isn’t right.”  I was frozen.  I couldn’t move or say anything. But I liked him as a friend and as a boss and didn’t want to be mean, or to make things really weird and awkward between us.

     Before his hands fully went up my shirt he said “I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable.” and I just didn’t know what to say.  I know I’m an idiot because everyone reading this is probably like, you say “Yes! It does make me uncomfortable!”

     But when you’re really good friends with someone, and have known them for a long time, it’s hard to say “No.”  I was just too nice to say it.  And the whole thing really did make me feel uncomfortable.  I didn’t like it, and I do not want it to happen again.

     I’m not even mad at him because I feel like it’s all my fault.  He thought it was okay to do because I didn’t speak up.  I can’t really blame him and that makes me angry at myself.  I just feel as if it’s my fault, and I can’t really say anything now.  And I know the law of sexual harassment states that it must be “unwelcome advances” and this was unwelcome, but it wasn’t like I tried to stop it.  I feel like an idiot. 

Sue  

     My story happened in 2004, when I first met with my professor.  At that time, I was thinking about applying for a master’s program in that school, and he is the chair.  He is nationally famous in the field, kind and  funny, widely loved by his students.  I liked him at first because he had been so patient, and really taught me a lot.  He also offered me an opportunity to do an Independent Study with him.

     But during that study, everything changed. When we were sitting at the table, talking about course reading, he was always trying to touch me. Then he would suggest we sit on the couch, saying he has a “bad back.”  Once we were on the couch,  his hand would be in my cloths…

     I didn’t know what to do. I tried to avoid meeting with him, but he was my mentor.  I thought about reporting him, but I feared no one would believe me, since he is just so famous and beloved.  I didn’t even have the courage to tell him to stop even though it seemed so easy to say, and even though I had been an advocate for sexual abuse victims…when it came to me, I just didn’t know what to do.

     I suffered through my master’s program, and didn’t tell anyone until I  graduated and got accepted by another school to do my PhD in 2007. Only  then, did I disclose it to my best girl friend.

     She asked me whether I wanted to report him now that I had no relation with him any more. But considering that my previous experience with a stalker wasn’t taken seriously by the university, I decided not to. Plus, I really just want to  put that behind me, and never think about it again. Or, just pretend  that it never happened…

     But it came back. I came back to haunt me. I know we always encourage  people to come out about it. But it is easier said than done.

Al, New Mexico    

     I was accused of stalking my ex.

     After going back and forth for two years, we finally we broke up. 

     During the time that my wife and I were not talking, I met an another girl in My Space.  I was not interested in her since I was just coming out from a long term relationship.  But this girl got hold of my wife’s email address, and started playing a game, sending her emails, posing as a friend of mine.

     When my wife found out about the joke, she blamed me for it.  I felt terrible.  I called her to try to explain and she wouldn’t answer.  I went by her house, and she wouldn’t talk to me.

     Then, she filled I restraining order against, saying I had been stalking her. 

     In court, the judge just read the  accusations and dropped the case.  I felt bad since nothing got resolved.  A month later I send her an email apologizing and days later a second one expressing how I felt and  wishing her the best.  Again, she did not respond, and 10 days later she filled a  second restraining order.  I was shocked, when we went to court the same  judge dropped the case again.

     I have not contacted her again since then. 

     After reading all this stories here, they make me understand how she felt and why she was so scared.  It is all very unfortunate and mortifies me, but there is nothing that I can do now.  

Smeeler, New York 

     I’m 39 and have worked as a restaurant server all my life.  I worked at a Italian grill for about 6 months and my boss constantly made sexual gestures to me:  sexual dancing in front of me, and rubbing his nipples then telling me “I know you want me,” poking me in the sides of my ribs from behind… 

     One night I was leaving work and he slapped me on the ass and said “goodnight.”  He had been drinking a lot, but still he had no right doing that to me.

     This happened during every shift I worked.  And the sad part is that he did it in front of his girlfriend (who’s my other boss).  Other people in the workplace seen it to and all I ever did was laugh it off.  I was too nervous to confront and tell him how I felt.

     There’s a lot more that happened there, but this is just a brief story of the basics.

     I quit there a week ago and I am debating on whether to take action or not.  Any suggestions?

Julie, South Carolina    

     I am a physical therapist assistant, which means I am supervised by a physical therapist.

     He has always been a little fresh with off colored jokes, and comments about my body etc.

     One day I had to go on a business trip with him to a clinic in another town.

     While we rode back to our normal workplace, he started making awful comments, such as, “Everytime I look at you across the clinic, I’ll be thinking about your head in my crotch,” and “How much money would you take for sex?”  He even asked about my sexlife.

     He saw I was uncomfortable with this, and even acknowledged it.  So he said, ”Dont worry, you are just a baby, I dont want you.” 

     This is riding in a car with him while he’s hurtling down the interstate going 80 mph. There was nothing I could do and I was so scared he was going to pull the car over or do something else. It was a completely uncontrolled situation.

     All I could do was look out the window and stay silent. 

Kaitlyn    

     At first, I didn’t think anything of it:  he carried my science book for me, said I was “hot” and kept making kissing faces at me and stuff.  Then it was singing love songs in front of everyone, and “She’s my girlfriend.”  Just annoying.  I thought it was just a crush.

     Then, after I told him to stop, he wouldn’t and it all got worse. 

     His locker is next to mine, and he started stroking my hair and touching my arm.  He sat very close to me in three of the four classes he was in, and one day he slipped his hand under the desk and touched my leg.

     I never told the teacher but she moved him very soon after that.

     Sometimes he got other boys involved.  When the class would let out him and random other boys would go on about how they were going to sleep with me.  One of his friends hit me over the head with a rolled up piece of large laminated construction paper we were using for a project, with the teacher in the room.

     One day in the library he cornered me and I knew there were a lot of people there, but I was terrified because of the look on his face.  I guess he decided scaring me was enough so, he made a comment about marrying me on a nude beach and left.

     Then he got bolder.  My science partner didn’t show up one day and the boy switched seats and moved next to me.  We were doing some stupid filler project involving gluing cotton to construction paper and he put his arm around me and wouldn’t let go.  I was really freaked out. Then, he reached behind my back to get some glue, and I jumped a mile.

     Everyone looked, and he made a comment to the effect of he would never be caught dead touching me, but the teacher saw the look on my face and reported it.

     I had to go to the counselor and I told her some of what was going on.  She said, ”That’s harassment.  I’ll make them stop.”  But nothing ever happened.

     A few days after that the teacher of our last class of the day left early and told another teacher to watch us (who seemed to think as long as we didn’t kill each other we were fine).

     The boy and several of his friends gathered around my desk talking, making it so I couldn’t get out.  (I don’t think some of them knew what he had been doing to me and that I was scared of him.)

     After that I got fed up.  I went to the vice principal and reported what was going on.  

     The boy got to the office and said “Gee, Sir I never knew I was doing anything wrong, I’m so sorry.  I’ll never do it again. Please, please don’t expel me.”

     The Vice Principle told me it didn’t matter what the teacher had seen.  I had to get two students to say what he had done to even press charges.

     I was thirteen and freaked out.  I believed him.

     I’m not sure why I was still scared of him, but I was and I didn’t have him expelled.  On top of this, I went the rest of the day with everyone mad at me for reporting him.

     I got my mom to pull me out of school and I never went back after that.  (I am home schooled.) I found out a few weeks later that the main boy was already harassing someone else.

     The thing was, other then one person saying something like “he is really annoying” nobody ever stepped in for me.  In fact, if they paid attention, they joined in or watched everything eagerly to see what would happen next.

     I had nobody to talk to about what happened.  My only close friends are boys and I didn’t feel like I could talk to them.  My mom just did not (and still doesn’t) “get it.”  I had nobody to talk to about what happened. 

     I had a really hard time dealing with it afterwards because I had been so terrified of him.  I’ve just recently been able to kinda let go of this.  I haven’t had a nightmare about it in a while, and I’ve stopping being scared of seeing him everywhere I went.

     A while after that I found his Myspace page and sent him a message saying I had forgiven him, but what he did really hurt me.  

     He answered back that he didn’t know how badly it would affect me, even though it was 100% clear to me that he knew what he was doing was wrong.  He also said that if he could go back and change it, he would and that he was sorry.

     That has helped me so much. I’m no longer scared of him or worried that he’s hurting other girls, even though I still have the memories it’s a whole lot easier to deal with.

Kellie, Florida

     I am a female Emergency Department physician.  I became friends with a coworker, a female Nurse Practitioner employed by the same medical staffing service for which I work. 

     At first, it seemed we had a great deal in common: both had 3 kids, struggled with long hours, stressful work, childcare, etc. much the same.  However, it soon became clear to me that she was in an abusive marriage.  Violence, alcoholism, etc. were the norm at her house.  At first, I tried my best to help her get out of the situation, trying to enlist the help of other coworkers, etc., offering my support to encourage her, and even let her stay at my home for a time while my husband was away. 

     However, it then also became very clear that she had no intentions of ever doing anything to resolve her home situation, and was becoming entirely too reliant on, and attached to me.  I pulled away from this friendship.  I stopped returning calls, messages, etc.  I made myself unavailable. 

     She then became insistent.  Messages not returned were met with suicidal rants, and desperate attempts to get my attention.  She began giving me excessive, inappropriate gifts and constant notes. 

     I told her how much this made me uncomfortable and caused me stress and that I could not accept gifts from her. 

     She then became very mean.  She began insulting me constantly at work and in constant recurrent text messages and emails.  She obtained email passwords and got into my email, then angrily confronted me about private matters she found in my email relating to my life outside of work and my husband and our travel plans.  She began showing up at work all hours usually night shifts at 2-4 am in the morning when I was working and she was not scheduled to work “just to hang out”.  

     This made me excessively uncomfortable.  I became more and more stressed by this stalking behaviour of hers.  I became depressed to the point I did not want to use my cell phone, email, go out of the house, or to work. 

     I finally reported this to my supervisor (who said she “didn’t want to hear it”) then to the next level in the chain of command.  I was told there would be an investigation. 

     Next, I was made to undergo a “psychological evaluation” by the company in which I was told I would not be allowed to return to work until I signed complete releases for all my information there.  This psychologist was condescending and accusatory to me.  He said, “If you were being stalked, then why didn’t you report it to the police?”, and “Your judgment is questionable if you would have ever become involved in such a destructive friendship”.  Then he admonished me that if I had any further contact with her (which I had no intention of anyway)that I would lose my job.  

     My hours were reduced because I was no longer to be scheduled at the same facility as her.  I was made to go to another facility to work many shifts, one where I preferred not to work.  She works many more hours and at more facilities than me.  

     She continues to send me text messages and emails, that say things like I am “tormenting her.”  I continue to ignore them.  I am hoping that she will eventually stop and I take many extra safety precautions if her behaviour escalates (she recently overdosed and was taken to our hospital but one of the other supervising physicians rescinded the order to take her for psych eval).  I am looking for a position in another state.

Lisa, New York

     I am a 21 year old Asian woman working in an office as a secretary.

     Recently a man in the office ask me if I was wearing  stockings or pantyhose. 

     I told him to go away or I would report him to personnel. 

     He went away, but later in the day I caught him at the bottom of  the stairs trying to look up my skirt.

     I was totally disgusted and reported him.

     He was given a written warning.  But now he looks at me like I have betrayed him or something. 

     I am very intimidated by this man but also do not want to loose my job.  I told many women in the office and they’ve given me their full support, which certainly helps. 

     I think it is quiet common in offices for perverted men to harass women in this way.  This makes me very angry.

Lisa, California

     I went to work for a Native American gaming resort.  I  was assaulted by my boss then fired when I didn’t submit to him. This is from my attorney:

My lady client in particular has an incredible story to tell….she went on a business trip with a team from *******.  The head of Human Resources walked her to her room and then barged into her hotel room and tried to rape her.  She fought him off.  Prior to this time he was very supportive of her.  After she would not have sex with him, he withdrew his support and then fired her personally 2-3 weeks later. 

     The EEOC  says my rights were violated but there is nothing they can do. No one  has any power to enforce the law due to the sovereignty issue.  Women are at risk with absolutely no avenue of recourse.     

     In a nutshell: The Native American casinos are without any accountability.  The current tribal compact does not sufficiently protect the citizens of California whom they extensively employ.  The tribes and individual members of the tribe are free to bully, incarcerate, marginalize, fire, harass and exploit surrounding community members with impunity. 

     Employees of these casinos have no redress for their grievances other than the tribal council itself.  There are expedited time frames (in case of ******* 10 days) to address employment issues which are not publicized and not otherwise disseminated.  Once blown – that’s it!  Your statute of limitations is blown.  Typically fired employees find out way too late about their appeal time.  There is no redress in Federal or State court because they wave the sovereignty card in front of everybody.

     Californians have no civil rights once employed by the tribes.  They can attempt to rape you, fire you, incarcerate you, badger you, defame you and you can do nothing.  Not even lawyers can do anything about it. There is just no accountability.  Nobody answers for it. 

     This can happen to anyone. I am a qualified professional with a powerful resume and education. And it happened to me.